lizzy_09 Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 If a girl has had a lot of experience in sex with other men, is it alright with you?
Bejita463 Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 That is not even my business. What is my business is whether she has gained more than experience from her past partners, and if that is all she might impart upon me. Why?
RunawayTrain Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 It depends. If her past vast sexual past could possibly impede my health in any way shape or form (STD) then yes I would have a problem with it. Me personally I wouldn't want to date a woman who has been around the block and back. That is just my personal opinion and the way I feel.
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 As long as she's clean, it doesn't bother me. The way I see it, with all her experience, she may teach me some new things!
Stark Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Don't care if they've had a lot or not, well it bothers me a little if they've constantly slept around, but because you can usually judge when a woman sleeps with you how they feel about you, if they've slept around alot you can't really tell, but not something that would ever damage any thoughts I would have towards them or us. So long as the history is history, it's fine. The thing that would bother me is if they kept in contact with the guys she slept with, thats the most important question and I think a lot of people would agree with that one. Ends up putting an unwanted strain on it.
Lizzie60 Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 and how exactly would the guy know???? Unless you tell him... there is no way he could know how many partners you had... It's none of his business.. I never tell how many partners I've had.. and if he really wants a number.. I'd lie... simple as that..
Stark Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 and how exactly would the guy know???? Unless you tell him... there is no way he could know how many partners you had... It's none of his business.. I never tell how many partners I've had.. and if he really wants a number.. I'd lie... simple as that.. It comes up in conversation. I've never bothered about the question and have no problems telling if someone asks. Why wouldn't it be their business either. How do you get close to someone if everything personal would be met with " none of your business" ;p. You ever asked a guy if he watches porn before while in a relationship? same thing.
Lizzie60 Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 It comes up in conversation. I've never bothered about the question and have no problems telling if someone asks. Why wouldn't it be their business either. How do you get close to someone if everything personal would be met with " none of your business" ;p. You ever asked a guy if he watches porn before while in a relationship? same thing. The sexual past of a person is NEVER someone else's business. I never ask how many partners they had.. this is nosey... plain and simple..
Stark Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 The sexual past of a person is NEVER someone else's business. I never ask how many partners they had.. this is nosey... plain and simple.. Never someone elses business in your opinion only. Myself personally have no problems answering if someone asks, it is not nosey, its to find out information. I've never asked the question yet have been asked, and I don't think it's nosey in the slightest.
RunawayTrain Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 When it has to do with STDs it is the other persons business. You lie, thats a shocker.
Lizzie60 Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 When it has to do with STDs it is the other persons business. You lie, thats a shocker. Yabutt.. when you know you're clean... why would it matter how much partners I had.. it's, again, none of the guy's business... I don't ask personal question... what more can it bring to the relationship... if I like the guy, even if he had 100 partners... that doesn't mean nothing if he's clean.. If he's a sex addict.. I'll know eventually...
RunawayTrain Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Yabutt.. when you know you're clean... why would it matter how much partners I had.. it's, again, none of the guy's business... I don't ask personal question... what more can it bring to the relationship... if I like the guy, even if he had 100 partners... that doesn't mean nothing if he's clean.. If he's a sex addict.. I'll know eventually... Not everyone is honest or gets tested for STDs on a regular basis. I have a friend who met the "perfect girl". She said she was clean. Three weeks after the started dating my friend started walking around work scratching his crotch every ten mins. It was comical till I asked him what was wrong. Yup you got it, an STD. If you dont ask personal questions in a relationship how can you get to know the other person ? What kind of relationships do you have?
Lizzie60 Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Come on Runaway... If you dont ask personal questions in a relationship how can you get to know the other person ? What kind of relationships do you have? Are you serious????? Do you actually think that a girl who had over 300 partners (and is clean) will tell the guy she's interested in that she had as many partners.. You do believe in fairy tales then...
The Blue Pill Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Yes, it bothers me. If a woman has been with more men than I can count on two hands, then she's not the right woman for me.
RunawayTrain Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Come on Runaway... If you dont ask personal questions in a relationship how can you get to know the other person ? What kind of relationships do you have? Are you serious????? Do you actually think that a girl who had over 300 partners (and is clean) will tell the guy she's interested in that she had as many partners.. You do believe in fairy tales then... Depends on the person Lizzy. I believe in honesty that is me and my personal opinion. I guess it differs from person to person. I respect your opinion though. I have had relationships where the woman brought it up not me. I am not shady and have nothing to hide.
mr.dream merchant Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 As long as she is honest about it (if it ever comes up, shouldn't have to) and is clean, no it would not bother me. If she makes me happy and is faithful to me, and is giving herself to me and only me, it shouldn't matter at all. I wouldn't care if she ****ed a horse.
ai75 Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 It's none of his business.. I never tell how many partners I've had.. and if he really wants a number.. I'd lie... simple as that.. None of his business... agreed (recently learned the hard way). All that matters is the here and now, and if both people in the relationship are living up to the mutual fundamental expectations of a committed relationship - fidelity, trust, respect, honesty - its all good. It varies between people. I won't tolerate a flirty girlfriend, I think it is disrespectful to me and insecure attention seeking behavior on her part. On the other hand, some married couples have open relationships - mutual agreed-upon expectations is key. Lie? No way no how. How about something along the lines of "I'm not a virgin, you're not my first, I will tell you that, and that's all I'm willing to share. That info won't advance our relationship in any way, how could it? In fact, it will hurt it by putting images into your head that surely you don't want there. I don't want to know your past for the exact same reasons. WE are together now and that's all that matters. I feel like Mexican food, you?" I'm not a fan of saying "It's none of your business" and sure as hell not a fan of lying. Personally, NOYB comes off cold and harsh, and it has a sly way of implying that there's something to hide. A calm, reasonable and logical explanation is a loving and effective way of diffusing this all-too-common topic amongst lovers. And it avoids dishonesty. And Lizzie, re: your comment about "300" lovers and why would any woman want to tell that to the person she is interested in? Because he'd run out of the room and into the neighboring county before you could finish the 'ed' in three hundred!!! Sure everyone has a right to do whatever they want, but 300 lovers - even 100 - even 75 IMO, implies that either: you don't respect yourself and your body, you don't have anything else worthwhile going on in your life, you have major issues upstairs, you are involved in a profitable yet unregulated illegal career occupation, or you are in the adult film industry - any combination of those. If you have a job, workout, and have at least a few hobbies that take up some time each week... it would take you six continuous years of a new fling each week with breaks for xmas and thanksgiving to cross the 300 mark. Ho...lee... She...eeet. Nobody wants to be with a slut (male or female... if anyone does just let me know, maybe I'm making a false assumption). Don't ask nonetheless, just keep wearing those awful condoms for a while. Like you said, "if he (or she) is a sex addict, it would eventually surface". The 'numbers' topic seems to come up in most committed relationships - usually the guy asking because, again, no guy wants to be with a slut (correct me if I'm wrong). Many women don't want a man whore either, but its generally a guy issue. Why? Because guys typically have to work for it. Any reasonably attractive woman could go out on any night, strike up a conversation with just about any guy about any topic, then say "wanna come back to my place?" and bada-bing. Doesn't really work that way (at least percentage wise) for guys. Its just nature, male animals fight, dance, court, show off colorful feathers, or bellow hypnotic mating calls, all in an effort to woo the coveted female... and get rejected more times than not. Guys also fight, dance, buy BMWs, buy nice clothes, buy drinks and dinner, work-out, get tattoos, et al... also getting rejected more times than not (way more). Not that way for women. Female animals discriminate... who is the best? They only choose the best they can get. When women get together with anyone they think is cute without rhyme or reason, repeatedly... it is a major turn off... she's easy. No man wants a woman that anyone else can get, at least relationship wise. We (men) all want what others can't get. On the flip side, I suspect women may actually want the man whore, or at least the guy that seems to have many women in his life... why? Because it implies that he has something many other women want. No right or wrong here, but thats just how I see it. I've learned alot in the past 8 months... brutally. Just check out my first couple posts and you'll see how. I've been trying to solicit replies/thoughts on those but not many people are biting... hook a brotha up.
motive2002 Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I'm with Lizzie a little on this, but then I think we're in a different demographic. When you get to a certain age, I guess you figure your partner has had experiences, and maybe with a lot of people. When I was young the number was significant to me. Now that I'm older, the only thing that's significant, is whether or not my partner is honest and open with me. I don't need to know a number. I don't need to pry. I file that under "retroactive jealousy". If you want to drive yourself crazy with someone else's past, go right ahead I guess =\
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 and how exactly would the guy know???? Unless you tell him... there is no way he could know how many partners you had... It's none of his business.. I never tell how many partners I've had.. and if he really wants a number.. I'd lie... simple as that.. Let me explain it to you like this. If your just a nights entertainment.... your under no obligation to talk about you past. However, if your going into a relationship... You are obligated to tell the guy what you have done. It's his right to know what he is getting into. If you lie, unless your guy is completely stupid... he will find out. That is where 90% of these retroactive jealousy issues come from anyway. If your upfront and honest early... these things don't usually become issues. It's the liars and concealers that cause problems.
AlektraClementine Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 However, if your going into a relationship... You are obligated to tell the guy what you have done. It's his right to know what he is getting into. I'm not sure I understand what you mean by, "what he's getting into". I guess in my situation, this issue hasn't been as grave as you paint it. UF - I love your posts, don't get me wrong. This one is striking a chord with me though. Mostly because it's personal to me. My fiance doesn't know my number. He hasn't asked. He's offered his, which is a good deal lower than my own. My number has nothing to do with him. I went through periods of "messing around" because it's what I wanted at the time. I want him now. I guess if he asked, I'd tell him. He hasn't though, and he's not really "getting into something" as you put it. I wonder though, if he did hear my number, would it get to him so much that it messed with his ego like it does so many men? Whereas - I'm committed to him now. Have been for a while now. My past has no effect on things. I think it would if he knew, but only because his ego would get involved. STD test props though. We were both tested at the beginning of the relationship. Can't say enough to you people about the value of getting tested regularly.
Phateless Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 If a girl has had a lot of experience in sex with other men, is it alright with you? As long as she is mentally and physically in good health (drug and disease free and NOT PSYCHO) then I don't care at all. Having experience just means she's better in bed.
sxyNYCcpl Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Sure everyone has a right to do whatever they want, but 300 lovers - even 100 - even 75 IMO, implies that either: you don't respect yourself and your body, you don't have anything else worthwhile going on in your life, you have major issues upstairs, you are involved in a profitable yet unregulated illegal career occupation, or you are in the adult film industry - any combination of those. Or maybe it just means she likes sex. Which is a good thing! The more the merrier if you ask me. it would take you six continuous years of a new fling each week with breaks for xmas and thanksgiving to cross the 300 mark. Hah, go to the right parties and you can do it much faster. The Mrs and I both got at least 4 or 5 this past weekend alone. Guys who care about this are just silly.
hitzpink Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I'm with you motive, when I was younger numbers were a big deal to me. I always wanted to know how many women my guys had been with, and I almost always found myself getting upset about it. Now that I'm older (26), it just doesn't matter. I don't ask and I don't expect guys to ask me. As long as everyone is clean & safe, the exact number is NO ONE'S business but my own. (And the guys I've been with seem to agree. Nobody in recent memory has asked me my number or offered theirs up.) I think it's ridiculous that some people have an arbitrary limit on the number of "acceptable" sexual partners. All this talk about women being "easy" and "sluts" makes me sick. So because it's harder (in general) for men to get laid, when he finally does it's a big accomplishment & he's a stud but the woman he slept with is a slut? Whatever. In my opinion, insisting on knowing your partner's exact number usually stems from insecurity. You want to feel like you don't have too many people to compete with & that she/he doesn't have "too much" experience because you're afraid that you might not measure up to past partners. Blah. Get over it!
RunawayTrain Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Maybe its because I don't want genital warts, herpes, HIV, crotch rot or any other disease associated with sleeping around. That is a pretty valid point and you kinda can't take anyones word for anything nowadays let alone risking your own health. Multiple sexual partners can also be indicative of other issues, drug and alcohol depency, behavioral issues etc. I guess its up to each individual to want to know their respective partners past. In some cases it doesn't stem from insecurity. I know I can make a womans legs shake
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 I'm not sure I understand what you mean by, "what he's getting into". I guess in my situation, this issue hasn't been as grave as you paint it. UF - I love your posts, don't get me wrong. This one is striking a chord with me though. Mostly because it's personal to me. My fiance doesn't know my number. He hasn't asked. He's offered his, which is a good deal lower than my own. My number has nothing to do with him. I went through periods of "messing around" because it's what I wanted at the time. I want him now. I guess if he asked, I'd tell him. He hasn't though, and he's not really "getting into something" as you put it. I wonder though, if he did hear my number, would it get to him so much that it messed with his ego like it does so many men? Whereas - I'm committed to him now. Have been for a while now. My past has no effect on things. I think it would if he knew, but only because his ego would get involved. STD test props though. We were both tested at the beginning of the relationship. Can't say enough to you people about the value of getting tested regularly. I enjoy your posts as well. I think you are very smart, and typically very interesting. First, let me say that my view on this is very tainted by personal experience. Do you think he told you his number thinking that you would in turn tell him yours? Do you believe that he has made an assumption about your past based on your non-answer? If the discussion comes up, talk to him about it in very general terms. Don't use names or numbers or dates. Just something like when I was X age I wanted Y so I did Z. As long as everyone is clean & safe, the exact number is NO ONE'S business but my own. (And the guys I've been with seem to agree. Nobody in recent memory has asked me my number or offered theirs up.)I think it's ridiculous that some people have an arbitrary limit on the number of "acceptable" sexual partners. All this talk about women being "easy" and "sluts" makes me sick. So because it's harder (in general) for men to get laid, when he finally does it's a big accomplishment & he's a stud but the woman he slept with is a slut? Whatever. In my opinion, insisting on knowing your partner's exact number usually stems from insecurity. You want to feel like you don't have too many people to compete with & that she/he doesn't have "too much" experience because you're afraid that you might not measure up to past partners. Blah. Get over it! People have a right to choose their partners based on whatever criteria they want... and you don't have a right to lie or mislead them. The issue is very complex and each person has their own reasons for what they want. For me, I want someone who is similar to me in experiences... someone who shares a similar view of sex. I married someone who had a radically different view of what sex is... and it was a complete disaster. Our behaviors are like clothes. We change them as we move through life, and it makes us look different to the people around us, but the core of who we are does not change.
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