Cora Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 So I just finished taking down both of my online dating profiles. I just don't need to be dating. Dating for me has been more depressing than it has been fun and exciting. I have finally realized that I just have nothing to offer the opposite sex. I would be lying to myself if I said I did. It's no wonder why I can hardly get a date....much less make it to a second or a third. When I do find guys who seem interested in me they just use me. I attract the wrong kind of guys because frankly I have nothing that a decent, well respected, nice guy would be looking for. I am very very shy, quite ugly, not confident in the least, not very bright, my attempts to be funny are just lame, and I'm extremely naive. Oh and lets not forget I'm not independent in the least and am quite clingy which is a major turn off for guys! I just have nothing that a guy would find attractive. No wonder dating has been such a nightmare for me. I am just tired of trying anymore when the end result is always the same. I would just be fooling myself to keep dating. So now I'm just going to concentrate on being happy single. I'm tired of making the same mistakes and I refuse to do it anymore.
tinklebell Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 It's already quite commendable that you're willing to recognize whatever "problems" there are and work on them before you date again. I wish you well.
Author Cora Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 Thank you. I have been making a fool out of myself on this forum with all of my dating problems, repeating the same mistakes etc.. I'm tired and my heart just isn't in it anymore. I have been lying to myself and others.
Lindarose84 Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Cora, We all need breaks from dating from time to time. I, for one, am on mine. It really is an exhausting process. I would use this time to really evaluate your dating history and examine why it is that you're at the dating point that you are- i.e. ask yourself why you become so emotionally attached to guys so quickly or why you attract the wrong guys or why you feel you get clingy. Once you do that self reflection, I think you will find dating a bit easier. I would also hope that you would use this time to value yourself. We all have something about us that is beautiful and interesting. Don't work on your self-esteem for the sake of dating, but for the sake of just loving yourself...do it for you. If YOU don't even love yourself, how would you expect anyone else to? All in all, enjoy being single! It's really not as bad as some people would try to make it out to be. There are a TON of things I do now that I could never do in a relationship (or at least I would have to limit the behavior). There are plenty of people in miserable relationships who stay in them for the sake of "not being alone." I would rather be single and happy than in a relationship and miserable. Just food for thought
Author Cora Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 Cora, We all need breaks from dating from time to time. I, for one, am on mine. It really is an exhausting process. I would use this time to really evaluate your dating history and examine why it is that you're at the dating point that you are- i.e. ask yourself why you become so emotionally attached to guys so quickly or why you attract the wrong guys or why you feel you get clingy. Once you do that self reflection, I think you will find dating a bit easier. I would also hope that you would use this time to value yourself. We all have something about us that is beautiful and interesting. Don't work on your self-esteem for the sake of dating, but for the sake of just loving yourself...do it for you. If YOU don't even love yourself, how would you expect anyone else to? All in all, enjoy being single! It's really not as bad as some people would try to make it out to be. There are a TON of things I do now that I could never do in a relationship (or at least I would have to limit the behavior). There are plenty of people in miserable relationships who stay in them for the sake of "not being alone." I would rather be single and happy than in a relationship and miserable. Just food for thought Thanks, but I'm finished for good. I no longer want to date or find a partner, be in a relationship etc.. It's more work than it's worth. I have nothing to give....nothing to offer a potential partner and it's not worth trying. I figured I needed to date to be happy but I don't. I'm just going to work on being happy as a single woman.
Eleventy Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Cora, I am guessing that you've just been in relationships with people who have made you feel this way. Odds are you are not as ugly or as unintelligent as people may be making you feel. Confidence and self-esteem tend to get blasted away with failure, and I can relate to how difficult shyness can compound those issues. Thing is, with the right person, it is much easier to be funny, and you'll find that you tend to come up with funnier things when you're not so worried about whether or not people will laugh at what you have to say. When you're confident and happy, things flow much more easily. Like Linda said though, a lot of these things will come when you learn to love yourself by being single. Otherwise, letting the wrong people use you will just keep you stuck in a position where you're constantly worrying about what other people think of you. Sometimes clinginess is just a mask covering up an extreme desire to love and to be loved, but perhaps also with a hint of fear of potentially losing something. I may be completely wrong with my assessment but I used to feel the exact same way you do now, and being single for a while was very therapeutic. I used to go out with people who just used me or made me feel bad about myself, like I had nothing to offer in a relationship. Thing is, I think people who get used only get used because they allow themselves to. Once you put up some barriers, you'll be better able to boot someone out of the picture before someone just uses you as a result of expecting a different outcome from the same patterns. Don't feel down about yourself -- I guarantee that some alone time and self-reflection will help you quite a bit. Try focusing on activities/things that make you a happier person, and I think you'll find that you'll gain some confidence in the process. Best of luck Cora!
dreamergrl Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Cora, you'll feel much better for this! I'm also on my break! I felt the same way you have been feeling! Sometimes it is hard, because we have these urges to be with someone, but in the end, it's all worth it. You need to build your self image based on YOU, not your dating experiences.
Author Cora Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 Thanks guys! Yeah, my self-esteem has pretty much been shot to hell. Just a lot going on in my life right now and that combined with all the dating frustrations has me feeling blah. I'm sure I'll eventually come out of this depressed funk but right now I just need to work on myself and some things. Thanks for the words of encouragement though.....it's much appreciated! It's nice to have this forum where I can just come and vent.
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