mortensorchid Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 I was raised a Catholic, though I am not practicing today. I think when we are kids, we are taught either directly or indirectly that we are to go for others who are the same religion. Or, if you are of any Christian faith that you will be with another who is of another Christian faith. I have no oppositions to this, if anything it will help matters. What I have discovered, however, is that Catholic men, whether they are practicing or not, have a lot of hang ups about sex and love. Years ago, I dated a guy from my university. He seemed nice enough when we first got to know each other, but he told me that he would not have sex before marriage. I asked why, he said because of pregnancy. I thought that was a little odd, being that there are plenty of ways to prevent it. Later on, he said it was because years ago he had been with some girl who he did have sex with, and when he dumped her (out of guilt), she tried to kill herself. Not that this situation had anything to do with me, of course, but I was put off to find out that he didn't tell me the truth the first time around. It must have been embarrassing and horrifying for him when it happened, but I didn't see how someone could take such an extreme stance on something like that. It is a major decision to not do IT. Then, once our relationship progressed to the point of some heavy petting and things, he asked me how many guys I had been with before him. I told him two (which was the truth at that point), and he didn't believe me. He dumped me, because he could not be with a girl so wild as me. I really wasn't that wild at that point in life, if anything I am much wilder now. But it was a stab at my self esteem, which is never good. As an adult, I find that many Catholic men have issues about sex. Whether it's something from a personal experience or from some kind of doctrine they have been taught at some point, I'm not sure. Has anyone else had an experience like this? What do others think? Are there any guys out there who can explain this to me? Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 I think religion has had a good hand in screwing up people's thoughts when it comes to sex in general. It's not just Catholics. I mean, hell, I was raised Mormon (LDS) which any Christian outside of it doesn't consider it Christianity, and my views were screwed up. As were the views regarding sex of many people I knew that were raised in it. I can't remember exactly where I heard/read it, but something to do with followers finding rapture outside of God being bad, etc, etc. So it's profitable to lay on the guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHarvest Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 I was rasied catholic and *seriously* have a hard time respecting other denominations. I do so, but parts of me think some of the things they do in non-denominational settings is a bit ...well silly. Like during a religious worship "calling out to god" randomly. I dunno, not to go off on a tangent but that sort of stuff feels like you should talk to god on your own, not shout it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 It has not been my personal experience that religion has any positive effects on a relationship that would not have been present regardless. Link to post Share on other sites
mistletoe Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 I dont think sex has anything pretty much due to religion. There're many christians/non-christians who have had sex before marriage or kept sex for their marriage. What I feel, is the kind of people we meet, and the morals and perspective they hold. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 As an adult, I find that many Catholic men have issues about sex. I grew up Catholic in a predominantly Catholic small town in South Texas. And the boys were real hornballs, no qualms about sex and religion there as an adult, i find that white men have bigger hang ups about sex, and it has nothing to do with faith background, but cultural attitudes. while your friend might have a guilt complex encouraged by his Catholic upbringing, my guess is that his hang-up is less to do with his faith than it does with him being controlled by someone like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Sam Spade Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Ahh, nothing like the catholic guilt . The silver lining is that the bigger bitch a woman is, the easier it is to marry a catholic dude - his guils is so overwhelming that he'd believe that he deserves it . (True story - one of the most annoying and soul-crushing women I've seen is married to a sweet and hot, and rich, latin american dude). Link to post Share on other sites
butcher's hook Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Exactly how many Catholic men have you had? My experience has been the complete opposite! Thank God for Catholic boys!! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 About the only 'hangup' I have around sex is that I see it as an expression of love rather than as a recreational activity, which runs contrary to some societal norms these days. Don't know whether that is relevant or not. Raised Catholic, 12 years of Catholic school and altar boy; non-practicing. Have a nice day Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 you're a non-practicing altar boy? Link to post Share on other sites
MusicChick24 Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Regarding not having sex because of Pregnancy I can't understand that. Yes there are many ways to prevent it, but those methods do fail, commonly. I don't care if it's only a .01% chance, there is still a chance and that's more than some people want to gamble with. I know a couple ladies who were on Birth Control and using condoms (correctly) and still got pregnant, it does happen. My boyfriend is afraid of pregnancy as well because where we are in life, the joy of sex is not worth the chance, that we will be forced into parenthood before we are ready, or atleast married. So we make this "sacrifice" together because we love each other enough to say, it's not worth the risk. BTW, in regards to your thread, him and I are both practicing Methodists which is a branch off of Catholicism. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 you're a non-practicing altar boy? Yeah, but I dress up occasionally, just to remind myself Link to post Share on other sites
collegekid491 Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Man, you guys are harsh on the religious ones lol I grew up in a mennonite home, did all the stuff growing up and alot of it still sticks with me, but most girls actually like it. I mean, while I can't put it all on the religion, but a religious home usually has a pretty tight bond to the family. To blame a religion for someone's hang ups is about as accurate as throwing darts, drunk. Although just to kinda counter some of the negativity, my childhood gave me strong morales, accelerated demand for maturity, no history of alcohol or drug abuse, heck, even giving back to the community with volunteer work. To say all Christians had that childhood wouldn't be factual at all, but to say if you got a bible in your hand you got this list of hangups by default, its ridiculous Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Exactly how many Catholic men have you had? My experience has been the complete opposite! Thank God for Catholic boys!! My thoughts exactly! Link to post Share on other sites
MusicChick24 Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Regarding not having sex because of Pregnancy I can't understand that. Yes there are many ways to prevent it, but those methods do fail, commonly. I don't care if it's only a .01% chance, there is still a chance and that's more than some people want to gamble with. I know a couple ladies who were on Birth Control and using condoms (correctly) and still got pregnant, it does happen. My boyfriend is afraid of pregnancy as well because where we are in life, the joy of sex is not worth the chance, that we will be forced into parenthood before we are ready, or atleast married. So we make this "sacrifice" together because we love each other enough to say, it's not worth the risk. BTW, in regards to your thread, him and I are both practicing Methodists which is a branch off of Catholicism. Typo I'm sure you realized I meant to say I CAN understand it. The steering clear of sex to prevent unplanned pregnancy. Link to post Share on other sites
Scottdmw Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Avoiding sex because of fear of pregnancy seems like a pretty good reason to me. If you look on the Planned Parenthood website, typical use failure rates for condoms are about 15% per year, birth control pills about 8%. That's a substantial risk. It is lower of course for "perfect use" but there is a reason they make the distinction--most people can't manage it despite their best efforts. There is also a reason there are over one million abortions in this country per year, it's not because people don't know about birth control but because it doesn't really work as well as a lot of people make it out to. For me another issue is emotional bonding. Just look in the breaking up section of this website and you will see hundreds of stories of heartbroken people who struggle for years with the emotional baggage of a sexual relationship that has ended. It shouldn't be any surprise, having sex creates strong emotional bonding in most people, eventually at least. For me, it's really important to make sure you're with a good person before you go there, a lot more sure than you can be in a few weeks or even a couple of months. I guess you can call that a hang up if you want. Scott Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 I think it's really just the guys you meet, and has nothing to do with sweeping generalizations about religion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted June 25, 2009 Author Share Posted June 25, 2009 Regarding not having sex because of Pregnancy I can't understand that. Yes there are many ways to prevent it, but those methods do fail, commonly. I don't care if it's only a .01% chance, there is still a chance and that's more than some people want to gamble with. I know a couple ladies who were on Birth Control and using condoms (correctly) and still got pregnant, it does happen. Well I found out, like I said before, that he only said that as an excuse why he wouldn't do it. He told me the truth later (that he had been with some woman once years ago and that she had tried to commit suicide after he dumped her). But, looking back, I realize that if he lied to me the first time about why he wouldn't have sex before marriage, then I might have lied about that story as well. Turns out he was a weak man in all sense of the word. He allowed someone to control him, whether or not this was true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted June 25, 2009 Author Share Posted June 25, 2009 But looking at a previous post, I do realize that some of them have had issues not stemming from religion. Maybe that's another thread ... Link to post Share on other sites
Scottdmw Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Well I found out, like I said before, that he only said that as an excuse why he wouldn't do it. He told me the truth later (that he had been with some woman once years ago and that she had tried to commit suicide after he dumped her). But, looking back, I realize that if he lied to me the first time about why he wouldn't have sex before marriage, then I might have lied about that story as well. Turns out he was a weak man in all sense of the word. He allowed someone to control him, whether or not this was true. It definitely seems reasonable for you to be angry at him, since he dumped you upon finding out you had a whole two sex partners before him. I'm generally very conservative about sex, but I still find that extreme. So, I would understand why you would be upset at the guy. That said, he certainly wouldn't be the first person to not give the true reason for his actions when he said he was worried about pregnancy but maybe was really worried about something else. It seems to me like people, both men and women, do this all the time in dating. Scott Link to post Share on other sites
MusicChick24 Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Regarding not having sex because of Pregnancy I can't understand that. Yes there are many ways to prevent it, but those methods do fail, commonly. I don't care if it's only a .01% chance, there is still a chance and that's more than some people want to gamble with. I know a couple ladies who were on Birth Control and using condoms (correctly) and still got pregnant, it does happen. Well I found out, like I said before, that he only said that as an excuse why he wouldn't do it. He told me the truth later (that he had been with some woman once years ago and that she had tried to commit suicide after he dumped her). But, looking back, I realize that if he lied to me the first time about why he wouldn't have sex before marriage, then I might have lied about that story as well. Turns out he was a weak man in all sense of the word. He allowed someone to control him, whether or not this was true. I understand, and with the girl he was with who tried to kill herself after he dumped her. I can see how that would emotional for him. No one wants someone to kill themselves over them...and even though most women who say it don't actually do it...it's still a very emotionallly draining situation that can deter people from future serious relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
refurb Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 I think it's really just the guys you meet, and has nothing to do with sweeping generalizations about religion. I disagree. She had this experience with one Catholic guy, I think that's more than enough evidence the entire group is broken. RF Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts