Onionskin Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Does anyone believe/understand this? (refer to my other q: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t192883/) I love my bf, I really, really do, but I just want to be alone for a while right now. Has anyone else ever felt this before?
BCCA Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Here is what I was trying to get you to see in the other thread: Life doesnt work like that. You dont get to pick and chose who comes in and out of your life and when. How would this be at all fair to your boyfriend? And even if you put it out there as if you can get back together later, there are no guarantees from either of you. You can meet someone and forget all about him or he could hear this and tell you good bye for good. Its selfish to follow this line of thinking. You dont want to be with him, thats fine. But its the end of the road, you dont get to take it back later if you regret your decision. If youre unhappy with the relationship or whatever, end it. But expect it to be ended for good, its only fair. Dont be selfish to this guy because he loves you, he'll resent you forever.
Author Onionskin Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 **** this is hard dude... really damn hard. Why won't the nagging missing something feeling go away?!!!
wow123 Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 BE CAREFUL! I once did this when I was younger (23). We were great together for 3 years and I ended things thinking if I decided I wanted to go back I could at any time. Well a few months later I called her telling her it was a huge mistake. SHE MOVED ON. We're still friends but splitting up hurt her and she moved on thinking I would never be back. We still care about eachother and hangout from time to time but its just not the same. If you love him and things are good and you're happy you will regret leaving if he moves on.
Author Onionskin Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 If you love him and things are good and you're happy you will regret leaving if he moves on. But I'm not happy. With ME. I feel suffocated.
boogieboy Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 But I'm not happy. With ME. I feel suffocated. So how bout just explaining to him how you dont like him babying and suffocating you, and asking him to stop? If you tell him you might have to break it off if he doesnt back off, he might work on it. BTW, once you take a break where you two dont talk, (and you'll have to keep out of contact) hes going to move on. try to work it out first, it is selfish to want to take a break and expect him to wait. If you do that, youre shooting yourself in the foot. It sounds like you wont admit that you want to be free and break up with him, see some other guy, and you already feel guilty. Deal with the guilt. The sooner you admit that you want to start fresh, the better.
Author Onionskin Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 This has NOTHING to do with anyone else. I don't have my eye on some other guy. In fact if this did happen, I would want to stay single for 1 whole year, to just focus on me. What would you do? And there is no way I expect him to wait for me. I know how selfish that is. We live together anyways, so it's not like we'd really be getting any space. He is very black and white. If I told him I wanted to "take a break", he would tell me I either want to be with him or I don't, there is no inbetween.
boogieboy Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 This has NOTHING to do with anyone else. I don't have my eye on some other guy. In fact if this did happen, I would want to stay single for 1 whole year, to just focus on me. Yeah right. I read the other thread, you dont want to be alone, you just want to be away from him. Hes not your age, hes already settled, and getting your youth out of your system will take years. So how bout just explaining to him how you dont like him babying and suffocating you, and asking him to stop? If you tell him you might have to break it off if he doesnt back off, he might work on it. Maybe move out, so you have space, but you dont have to break it off? Then you can be independent. Taking a break isnt going to happen, so you might as well admit to yourself that you have to break it off forever and move on with your life.
Author Onionskin Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 Yeah right. I read the other thread, you dont want to be alone, you just want to be away from him. Hes not your age, hes already settled, and getting your youth out of your system will take years. RIGHT. I just said this has nothing to do with anyone else. Whether you believe me or not is up to you but I am telling the truth. Why on earth would I lie on a forum like this? I need advice and I have given all the information I can. I do not want to be away from him. I want to be away from full on serious relationships and take a breather! I have worked and worked on relationships my whole adult life! Just forget it...
Ronni_W Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Why won't the nagging missing something feeling go away?!!! --- But I'm not happy. With ME. I feel suffocated. Onionskin, It's okay to feel that something's missing -- rather than wanting that feeling/sense to "go away", maybe you'd serve yourself better if you try to get clearer on what the 'missing' is about? You used the word "suffocated" -- what does that mean for you? Lack of oxygen? Loss of freedom? Unable to make your own free will choices? As if you're drowning? Being buried alive? Something else? You could then ask something like, "How am I suffocating myself? What am I doing that leaves me gasping for breath; feeling like a prisoner; waffling and not making my own decisions?" (Whichever applies.) And the next is, "What do I need to do for myself, so that I can breathe easier; feel free; make wise choices and decisions?" (Whichever applies.) Sometimes, we try to make relationships work even when our intuition is STRONGLY messaging that they're past their expiry date; or we tell ourselves that there is something wrong with us and we just have to "work harder" and then the relationship will work. We twist ourselves into pretzel shapes, and make ourselves go insane. We do stuff like that rather than face the sad and ugly truth: The relationship has become non-functioning and is unsalvageable. If the relationship isn't offering you what you need for your happiness, success, and personal growth and achievement, then it isn't. It sucks but resisting the fact will ultimately suck even more. Sending hugs, and wishing you clarity.
adamt Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 when i split up with my ex i thought similar that due to external circumstances she had to be on her own to get over the loss of her mom. I said to her when she split up to remember the times before xmas and how we got on so well. she agreed and said that was before her mom got really ill and maybe someething good will come out of all this. that gave me hope that we would get back together when things return to normal. however 1 month down the line we havent spoke to each other apart from 1 text message and now i realise its not meant to be and time to move on. Feeling i get is that she is relieved to not have a boyfriend to consider and her moms death has given her a different perspective on her life. this is despite her being 36
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