now_what Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 By now, I'm sure everyone has read my sad story: after 30 years of marriage my husband sent me an email and snuck out of the house while I was at work to live with a old biker chick he claims to have known for 2 months, he did not speak to me for 4 months, wanted to divorce as soon as possible, got married 3 weeks after our dissolution was final without ever mentioning a word about "his woman" to the kids. And now, this just takes the cake - my daughter just informed me that her dad called and told her that since it was summer and the weather was nice she should go "riding" with him. Has he freaking lost it!! Why would I allow my 16 year old daughter to go out on a motorcycle with him? Yes, she's his daughter too, but the breakup of our marriage is a direct result of him adopting the free and easy biker lifestyle - it was his obsession, he just needed the biker chick to make it complete. She has 0% interest in going out with him - she said it was too dangerous for her. To me, it just shows that he can't think of anything to do with her other than go out on the "bike". What the hell is he thinking?
BoatLord Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 I wouldn't turn your crap relationship with your ex into a crap relationship between father and daughter. He wants to spend time with her in his own way? Let him. Also, is your daughter's attitude towards her father coming from her or you? Think about it...
2sure Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Yep. Ive read your posts. Your H might as well be roaring down the road on his bike with a flag attached that spells out: MID LIFE CRISIS ON WHEELS. Often, at some point in a person's life they experience this crisis. Some quit their jobs, some back to school, change careers. Buy a boat, a corvette, a harley. Get a girlfriend. Find God. Smoke Crack. Some marriages make it, some dont. Regardless, of all of the above - to me, an inexperienced motorcycle rider with my child on the back is the most dangerous. Put your foot down on that, educate your children with the statistics. He can take them anywhere he wants - but not on the bike , not drunk, and not high. Thats it.
guitarplayer1234 Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 I wouldn't turn your crap relationship with your ex into a crap relationship between father and daughter. He wants to spend time with her in his own way? Let him. Also, is your daughter's attitude towards her father coming from her or you? Think about it... I think your missing the point...she didn't say anything about not allowing her daughter to go out with her father, she doesn't want her going out and doing things that could potentially be dangerous. And you talk about her daughter's attitude? I'm not much older than her daughter..and if my father snuck out on us, only leaving an email, and got married shortly after without telling me anything I would be extremely angry at him regardless of my mother's attitude. I think the relationship between father and daughter was hurt the day he walked out on them.
2sure Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 People forget that children who are teenagers are able to form their own views and opinions without interference from parents. Everyone says: My ex is poisoning them against me. Right. Trust me, for the sake of our kids if we could make excuses for you, we did. Own IT. Until a person owns it they cannot begin to gain back the respect of their families.
Author now_what Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 Thanks for the comments 2sure and guitarplayer1234, I appreciate the insight. And BoatLord, my daughter can have any kind of relationship with her dad that she wants, it is entirely up to her, but I must draw the line if he wants her to go riding. She does not like motorcycles, she was upset when he got the bike to begin with - too dangerous. And her best friend's dad wrecked a bike years ago and suffered a brain injury that left him totally disabled. So, she's just not a bike fan to begin with. Maybe people won't believe me, but I have never tried to influence my children's feelings toward their dad. - (as I mentioned daughter 16, older daughter 26, son 23). They can draw their own conclusions about his behavior. If he would just be honest with them, they would respect him so much more. I have encouraged them to maintain contact with their dad, I don't want them to become estranged. He's not doing himself any favors though, our son graduated from college almost two weeks ago and he invited his dad to come - but his dad was "busy" - had a poker run that day. My son says he just needs to get over himself and stop being so selfish.
BoatLord Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I apologize. My post was snappy and not well-thought out. In the middle of a stretch of bad days and shouldn't have taken it out on OP.
Lyssa Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I'm pretty sure he could come up with more than one ways of spending time with your daughter. Just because he's a big fan of bikes, does not mean his daughter is into it too!
Author now_what Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 Boatlord: Thanks for the apology, but not necessary. We all have our bad days and not much phases me anymore. Hope things are going better for you.
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