one goal Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Well I talked to her tonight little more. Before class when she walked in I looked up to her to say hi, and she smiled, and said "hey". After class I happend to be walking out at the same time, so I held the door open and she said thanks. Walking to my car I chatted just about the class, and how it went and that, and she was friendly and I told her see her Thur. I didnt say much more, I didnt want to bombard her, figured keep her guessing for a bit. So Thur would it be ok if I ask her if she wants to get something to eat, drink afterwards?
Trimmer Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Well I talked to her tonight little more. Before class when she walked in I looked up to her to say hi, and she smiled, and said "hey". After class I happend to be walking out at the same time, so I held the door open and she said thanks. Walking to my car I chatted just about the class, and how it went and that, and she was friendly and I told her see her Thur. Did she say anything more than "Hey" and "thanks"? Was it an even give and take in the conversation? How much did she contribute, or was she just responding to you? You are right to be careful not to bombard her; from past posts, I think you may have a low sensitivity to reading these types of situations instinctively, so probably better that you err on the side of caution at first...
Joey Popps Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Ask her out. Who the hell cares what her answer will be at that point. You can only do so much. Stop caring and worrying about things you can't control. She either likes you or doesn't and at this point delaying the inevitable(yes or no answer) isn't going to help your situation.
BobSacamento Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Like next time I'd go to the class early, like before her. Make sure you sit in a spot that has a lot of space I guess. I'd take it as a good sign if she walks in and sees you and sits near you.
Author one goal Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 Did she say anything more than "Hey" and "thanks"? Was it an even give and take in the conversation? How much did she contribute, or was she just responding to you? You are right to be careful not to bombard her; from past posts, I think you may have a low sensitivity to reading these types of situations instinctively, so probably better that you err on the side of caution at first... Yea.She said thanks when i held the door open and walked out with her. We talked about the class, and how it wasnt as hard today. When I said bye see you Thur she said bye back.
Author one goal Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 Like next time I'd go to the class early, like before her. Make sure you sit in a spot that has a lot of space I guess. I'd take it as a good sign if she walks in and sees you and sits near you. We sit on the floor.
Left in a Lurch Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 After class can you pull something like saying class was boring and you need to do something and ask if she wants to get a drink? Or maybe tell her you were going to grab lunch or dinner or whatever and don't want to eat alone and ask if she wants to join you?
lora22 Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Honestly, after that interaction, I'd say it's hard to say if you "should" ask her out yet. I mean, obviously you can, but it's not a situation where I'd say "Oh, she'll definitely say yes." AND, this is very personal, but if I were her, I probably wouldn't like being asked out after that one interaction unless you were ridiculously good looking or had demonstrated in class that you were ridiculously smart/funny. But, it takes me longer than a lot of other people to decide if I'm interested in someone or not. If you had other friends in the class I would think it would be easier to get to know her better - if you and your friends were getting food/a drink/whatever after class it would be easier to invite her along than if it's just the two of you. On the other hand (I've said it before, I'll say it again), as Wayne Gretzky said, You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Author one goal Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 Honestly, after that interaction, I'd say it's hard to say if you "should" ask her out yet. I mean, obviously you can, but it's not a situation where I'd say "Oh, she'll definitely say yes." AND, this is very personal, but if I were her, I probably wouldn't like being asked out after that one interaction unless you were ridiculously good looking or had demonstrated in class that you were ridiculously smart/funny. But, it takes me longer than a lot of other people to decide if I'm interested in someone or not. If you had other friends in the class I would think it would be easier to get to know her better - if you and your friends were getting food/a drink/whatever after class it would be easier to invite her along than if it's just the two of you. On the other hand (I've said it before, I'll say it again), as Wayne Gretzky said, You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. So even asking her if she wants to get a drink is considered asking her out to you?
Author one goal Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 After class can you pull something like saying class was boring and you need to do something and ask if she wants to get a drink? Or maybe tell her you were going to grab lunch or dinner or whatever and don't want to eat alone and ask if she wants to join you? Do I have to pay?
lora22 Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 So even asking her if she wants to get a drink is considered asking her out to you? Since you're not friends, and you don't have any kind of established relationship with her (not even the beginning of one!), I find it unlikely that she would think your invitation was anything else. And I mean, did I miss something? You're trying to date this girl right? You're interested in her?
Left in a Lurch Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Do I have to pay? If you go out for a drink I'd say yes, if you go to lunch when the check comes you can say, "Let me get this, I appreciate the company". If she says that she'll pay I think you should say you invited her so you don't mind, but if she still wants to pay let her because it is not formal date and you don't know her that well.
Left in a Lurch Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Since you're not friends, and you don't have any kind of established relationship with her (not even the beginning of one!), I find it unlikely that she would think your invitation was anything else. And I mean, did I miss something? You're trying to date this girl right? You're interested in her? Most people I date are people I meet one time and ask them out. When you go out that is when you get to know them, and in class it would be hard to ever strike up a meaningful friendship with small talk during random chances. If your asking off the cuff after class it won't exactly be asking for a date even if that's what you want. When I was in school and walking back to class or leaving, I had people in class go to lunch before and never thought of it as a date. It was more of us being hungry and someone saying 'you wanna go eat". I hear a lot of women say they want to know someone before they go out with them, but based on the circumstances that you see her in a class setting every so often, how would you ever get to know someone outside of your group you hang with? If she says no, maybe you'll get a 'some other time' response. Now if you see her around, or at the bar, or at parties you go to, those are better places to try to develop something but it sounds like you don't have those opportunities so asking to grab something to eat or grab a drink is a first move, and first moves have to be made. Sitting around waiting to make a move usually ends in someone else beating you to the punch.
lora22 Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Most people I date are people I meet one time and ask them out. When you go out that is when you get to know them, and in class it would be hard to ever strike up a meaningful friendship with small talk during random chances. If your asking off the cuff after class it won't exactly be asking for a date even if that's what you want. When I was in school and walking back to class or leaving, I had people in class go to lunch before and never thought of it as a date. It was more of us being hungry and someone saying 'you wanna go eat". I hear a lot of women say they want to know someone before they go out with them, but based on the circumstances that you see her in a class setting every so often, how would you ever get to know someone outside of your group you hang with? If she says no, maybe you'll get a 'some other time' response. Now if you see her around, or at the bar, or at parties you go to, those are better places to try to develop something but it sounds like you don't have those opportunities so asking to grab something to eat or grab a drink is a first move, and first moves have to be made. Sitting around waiting to make a move usually ends in someone else beating you to the punch. I get what you're saying, which is why earlier I mentioned that it might be easier or more comfortable or whatever if he had friends in the class and a group of them went for drinks or food. Maybe this is just because I'm older now and don't quite remember my college years as well BUT it seems to me if it's just the two of them, and they haven't made it a habit to chat before/after class or whatever, there's a good chance she would think he was asking her out. Nothing wrong with that, but since she doesn't know him well, I feel like there's a greater chance for her to turn him down if that's the case.
Left in a Lurch Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I get what you're saying, which is why earlier I mentioned that it might be easier or more comfortable or whatever if he had friends in the class and a group of them went for drinks or food. Maybe this is just because I'm older now and don't quite remember my college years as well BUT it seems to me if it's just the two of them, and they haven't made it a habit to chat before/after class or whatever, there's a good chance she would think he was asking her out. Nothing wrong with that, but since she doesn't know him well, I feel like there's a greater chance for her to turn him down if that's the case. I hear ya. I just always felt like I should ask and get it over with because if she said no early on, she'd probably say no later. Or at least if she didn't know you well enough you could get an encouraging maybe, and she might try to get to know you better in class. I just personally don't like to have to spend a long time looking for a chance, I like to just get it over with and see how it works out.
Author one goal Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 When I go to class tonight, how bout afterwards if I just tell her if sometime we could get something to eat afterclass, or go to lunch sometime because I don't get to talk to her that much, and that I'd like to get to know her better cause she seems like a nice girl.
lora22 Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 When I go to class tonight, how bout afterwards if I just tell her if sometime we could get something to eat afterclass, or go to lunch sometime because I don't get to talk to her that much, and that I'd like to get to know her better cause she seems like a nice girl. Go for it, but be specific, don't say "sometime."
Author one goal Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 So she gave me her digits!! I was kinda nervous when asking her though, but I did it. I walked out with her after class, and just told her how we dont get to talk much during class, and told her that I wanted to get to know her more cause she seems like a nice person. I asked her if we could exchange numbers, and I put hers in my phone and gave her mine as well. She was busy the next couple days but said next week would be better, so I said I'd call her then, or see each other in class and decide what I wanna do. I sounded a little nervous, plus I was out of breath from the class too, but I was just honest and asked.
Author one goal Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 She said next week, so should I call mon, or just wait until I see her Tue to talk to her again, and maybe get something to eat after?
Island Girl Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 So even asking her if she wants to get a drink is considered asking her out to you? That drink, food, whatever, is NOT in the parking lot of the gym. You have to go there and you will be "out" as in - not at home. Anything you ask her to do will be asking her out.
Left in a Lurch Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Hmmm, when to call and how, that is the tough part. Congrats on the digits. I think you should definitely find something going on later during the week, something interesting like a party, a live band at a bar, whatever, and maybe when you see her in class tell her you just heard about this [whatever] over the weekend and you wanted to go and thought about her and thought it would be fun if she would go with you and grab a drink or dinner before. If your class is on Tuesday, I think ask her there otherwise call her Monday.
Author one goal Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 Hmmm, when to call and how, that is the tough part. Congrats on the digits. I think you should definitely find something going on later during the week, something interesting like a party, a live band at a bar, whatever, and maybe when you see her in class tell her you just heard about this [whatever] over the weekend and you wanted to go and thought about her and thought it would be fun if she would go with you and grab a drink or dinner before. If your class is on Tuesday, I think ask her there otherwise call her Monday. Yea, figured wait until tue. Keep her wondering why I didnt call yet, she will call me if shes really interested. I think shes old enough to drink. I dont want to seem persistant.
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