vertical Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 The girlfriend that i have had for a while now just let the bomb down on me. All this time i was trying to do something special, and now this happens. About a week ago she said "i will always love you". That was the first time i heard that from her. I asked her "love?" and she replied with "of course". I then explained to her that i was in love with her, too. (this was a big moment, because this was the first time i had ever used the words for a girl in that way. In a really emotional way). Then, every night after that she suddenly has to go at around 9 or so, because her parents make her do this really religious stuff and she never really gets a chance to say goodnight because of this. The first day that she said that to me a week ago though she didnt have to do the stuff at night, and we were able to talk until about midnight. Then we texted for about another hour. This again was the day that i had ever first said that to her. That night when she was ready to go to bed i said "ok, goodnight i love you." as i think i was now allowed to do. After about 30 minutes she sent one back (i assumed she took a shower before sleep) and she said "ditto". That really confused me. A thing as big as that should not be replied with a ditto, it should be said back, right? I didnt say anything of it because i didnt really want to ruin a special thing, but last night she again didnt have to do any religious stuff. (every monday i suppose). So we talked all night again and at the end of texting after we talked on the phone she said "ok, i have to go to sleep now. Goodnight babe sweet dreams". I replied with a "Alright, thats fine with me. Goodnight i love you.". Then, she replied with a nice "<3". This really got me fired up. About an hour ago though she dropped the bomb. I asked her if she didnt feel comfortable saying it, and she said "when i said that, i meant i loved you as a friend". this was the worst thing she could have said, in my opinion. I asked her "then why that night when i said it, you said ditto?" and she replied "I knew after i said it that you thought the wrong thing and i didnt want to hurt you." Maybe im just here to vent, and maybe im asking a question. Is this normal? Do you think maybe she does love me but she isnt saying it because of some foreign reason? To top it all off, the last few days i have a major flu case where i am bed ridden, and she still says it while im in this state. What could be wrong??
dakotamaiden Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 iam cofused too, theres a guy ive become friends with since lasts summer, hes has had really bad realtionships plus a ugly devorce he didnt even see coming so he has some issues. we talk on the phone alot last night he said i love uou in the middle of our talk, then at the end instead of saying good bye he said i love you. i told him to call me later in week. i dont know??? for one thing ive never had a guy friend, and never a guy that says i love you twice on the phone. one time last summer when he wad leeving my house he said i love ya and your great. i think this is all like friends??? but i dont really know. we seem to have a special connection but nothings really developed beyond spending alot of time talking to each other??? what do you think is going on????
D-Lish Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Maybe im just here to vent, and maybe im asking a question. Is this normal? Do you think maybe she does love me but she isnt saying it because of some foreign reason? To top it all off, the last few days i have a major flu case where i am bed ridden, and she still says it while im in this state. What could be wrong?? I am guessing you are both really young? It's possible she is scared... it's also possible she is flaky... Regardless, it's not a word that should be thrown around on a whim. Are you guys actually dating- as in you fool around? My advice to you is this: If you have a romantic interest in her and she says she only wants to be friends- walk away. It's not worth the heartache.
Author vertical Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 Well i am 18, she is 16. Yeah it is kinda young i suppose, but the feelings are still there. Atleast on my end. She didnt say that she wanted to be friends, she just said that she loved me as a friend, but still liked me as more then a friend. She wanted to stay together but she just isnt in love with me yet. The only thing is, i think she was and now she isnt anymore, do you maybe see the same thing?
D-Lish Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 What I see is that she might be a little scared, a little confused. It's a big step saying I love you- maybe she wants to explore more about what that means to her. If she says she wants to continue the relationship with you- I wouldn't stress about this at all. Just hold back on saying I love you and let things ride for a while. Don't push it, take the pressure off saying it to her so she doesn't feel pressured to say it back.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Go NC, bang other chicks, move on and forget about her. no man should be subjected by women who plays games with their lives. Dump the chick.
boogieboy Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Yeah this could go either way, but I think she is stringing you along cuz she knows you dont know any better. If you two are actually fooling around in some way, then you should wait it out, no "i love you's" , and wait for her to make the moves. If youre not fooling around, stop talking to her. She is leading you on.
Author vertical Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 So which is it? Should i hold on, because she is confused? Or because we aren't having sex.. i should dump her? I guess i dont get what you guys are saying.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 So which is it? Should i hold on, because she is confused? Or because we aren't having sex.. i should dump her? I guess i dont get what you guys are saying. What she said was basically the nice way of letting you down man, that's what females be doing nowadays , I'm not sure i love you, I' love you but not in love, he's just a friend. C'mon man take it from a group of people who have been there beforehand. She's just trying to tell you to go away nicely. It's over man, date someone else.
Author vertical Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 She didnt say she just loved me as a friend though. I mean she did, she said she loved me a friend, and not loved as more then that, but she said she really really liked me and had a lot of feelings for me, she just wasnt sure she was in love yet. Should i still dump her because of that?
D-Lish Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 She didnt say she just loved me as a friend though. I mean she did, she said she loved me a friend, and not loved as more then that, but she said she really really liked me and had a lot of feelings for me, she just wasnt sure she was in love yet. Should i still dump her because of that? I think she just got scared! She's young, immature, she told you she loved you, then got freaked out.
lora22 Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 She didnt say she just loved me as a friend though. I mean she did, she said she loved me a friend, and not loved as more then that, but she said she really really liked me and had a lot of feelings for me, she just wasnt sure she was in love yet. Should i still dump her because of that? That's up to you - how much of a problem is it for you if she doesn't feel the same way you do right now? Or if she never feels the same way?
Author vertical Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 Well i really hope you are right, D. Honestly at this point right now it is ok if she isnt in love with me. As long as she is being truthful about really liking me i will wait for her to figure out her feelings. That is fine with me. Now, if she never is in love with me then that would be different, but i guess i would have to wait.
hitzpink Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I can't believe people are suggesting you break up with her over this! If I'm understanding correctly she says she loves you as a friend & has strong feelings for you but isn't "in love" yet. Whats wrong with that?! People move at different paces and unless I'd been with someone for years I wouldn't dump him simply because I fell in love before he did. You guys are young & saying "I love you" is a HUGE step in a relationship. Give her time. And I'm really confused about what sex has to do with any of this. PLEASE ignore the ridiculous advice to dump her if you're not having sex with her and stay with her if you are. Whether you two are having sex or not is completely irrelevant. It sounds like this girl likes you & cares about you a lot.
NoTNorMal Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 If she wants to have your children, if would be a natural chemical reaction in her brain to start thinking differently when she told you "I love you". Women naturally want to make sure you can provide for their children. Try something peculiar like telling her you don't not love her.
Author vertical Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 Well i really hope you are right, D. Honestly at this point right now it is ok if she isnt in love with me. As long as she is being truthful about really liking me i will wait for her to figure out her feelings. That is fine with me. Now, if she never is in love with me then that would be different, but i guess i would have to wait. Thanks that is what i was hoping to hear, not to break up with her lol. I know people move at different paces, and i am ok with her not being in love yet, but it just threw me off when she said she did and she said she didnt about a week afterwards. I was just very confused. And hey NoTNorMal, where you serious when you said say "I don't not love you"? that contradicts itself lol.
bean1 Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Damn, some people are pretty harsh on a 16 year old girl. I sure didn't know what love is until at least 8 years after that.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Whenever a woman says to a man: "I love you...As a friend!" It's the end, there's no coming back from that, she just basically said she does not see you as a romantic partner right now. Bottom line. now that may change in the future, maybe she'll mature a little maybe she wont. But as a man I ponder why do others men themselves put up with it. If you want her but she says no, there's no reason for you to beg. leave her alone and find someone else. Simple as that.
boogieboy Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I can't believe people are suggesting you break up with her over this! If I'm understanding correctly she says she loves you as a friend & has strong feelings for you but isn't "in love" yet. Whats wrong with that?! People move at different paces and unless I'd been with someone for years I wouldn't dump him simply because I fell in love before he did. You guys are young & saying "I love you" is a HUGE step in a relationship. Give her time. And I'm really confused about what sex has to do with any of this. PLEASE ignore the ridiculous advice to dump her if you're not having sex with her and stay with her if you are. Whether you two are having sex or not is completely irrelevant. It sounds like this girl likes you & cares about you a lot. The red flag is that she said "i love you as a friend" Who says that to someone they are seriously dating? Maybe she just doesnt think before she talks, or doesnt know what shes saying, you could ride it out and see what happens, but be on your guard. And for god sake, stop the i love you's.
Author vertical Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 Stop the i love you's? Ive said it three times in total to her. That is it. You say you want me to end it because it is over. She doesnt say it is over. If she broke up with me and said she loved me as a friend but never anything more, yeah, i get that. I can handle that and i would break it off forever. She didnt say that though, she said she liked me a hell of a lot but she cant say she loves me because she just doesnt know if she does or not. She loves me as a friend, but she hasnt figured it out yet. That is what she says, and you still think it is "over"? She has never said i love to you a guy before, and when she said it to me maybe it was a mistake, but she doesnt HAVE to say i love you if she doesnt, right? I'm not arguing with you, im just asking if you are reading this wrong is all.
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