Lishy Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I feel like I am surrounded by unreliable men and it is driving me mad! My friends and I have really noticed how guy will ask for your number and never call ..... and recently I started a little text flirt with a man who said he would text me later that night and just didnt, and that was yesterday. Dont get me wrong I am not heartbroken by any of this but it is infuriating and my trust in men is dwindling to below zero! I hate feeling so anti men but they all seem like such let downs!!!!!!!!! Why ask for a number and not call? Why say you will call/text later and not? Why not just dont ask for a number or dont say you will call later it would be so easy really!
marlena Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Lishy, I know what you mean about not wanting to feel this way about men but the evidence is so overwhelming, isn´t it? I have this feeling that flakiness in both genders really is a sign of the times. It didn´t use to be this bad, did it? I often wonder if it hasn´t got something to do with the sexual revolution...the sheer availabilty of men and women nowadays. Finding a partner used to be hard work back in the days and when you did, you did everything to hold on to him/her. Nowadays its the "OK next mentality" that is rampant! Af for your friend, just use the same mentality of "OK,next"! I mean who the heck needs a flake in their life?
Woggle Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 When a man finds a woman worth the effort he will be reliable. Most women aren't. I am sorry if that sounds offensive but it is the way many men feel.
Author Lishy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Ahhhhhhhh lovely Marlena ... I am surrounded by flakes who seem so interested. Seriously I had one dude begging me for my number which I was reluctant to give, he drove me mad for it telling me he wanted to see me again, am I free Monday etc and eventually I gave my number and he never called! Why do that? I dont give my number out easily but my friend is more likely to and not once has she been called by the guy who asked for it. She is seriously pretty too so i have no idea why Men! ........ Can't live with em, can't kill em!
Author Lishy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Woggle, what a stupid remark to make! How can you tell if a woman is worth it in a few hours of talking? why ask for a number you have no intention of calling? I know what you mean but in the circumstances I am talking about what you are saying makes no sense
My name is ED Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Hi, im new to this site. I actually like it, i have gotten a lot of great help and advice and i keep on reading other peoples issues and i don't feel that bad about mine, im not saying that they have it worse or better but i feel that im not alone out here everyone has problems and well the why to your question is just like "malena" said by the way marlena i have an awesome friend who's name is also marlena, just saying idk. But yes the men or guys or boys how ever you thing of them now use the "next" or just for fun they do it. Have i done it before? No but i know a lot of friends who do it like i said for fun just to see what happens. I don't know if that helped at all but i felt like i needed to write something since i've been getting posts on my problem a lot and i felt i needed to give something back. -Ed
Star Gazer Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 When a man finds a woman worth the effort he will be reliable. Most women aren't. I am sorry if that sounds offensive but it is the way many men feel. Pfffft. How does a guy know a woman's even worth the effort if he doesn't even know her and hasn't even called yet? Lishy, I think some men use number-fishing as an ego boost.
Woggle Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Woggle, what a stupid remark to make! How can you tell if a woman is worth it in a few hours of talking? why ask for a number you have no intention of calling? I know what you mean but in the circumstances I am talking about what you are saying makes no sense After being burned so many times after being reliable many men just don't make the effort when it comes to women. Many men have this idea of not calling too soon as well because we don't want to seem desperate.
Trialbyfire Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Lishy, I agree with marlena that it's a sign of the times. Flakes abound since it's a "me first", individualistic society. Manners in general are long gone, where people don't even bother to say goodbye or bye, when they hang up the phone. *wobbles away with her cane in hand*
marlena Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 HI Ed, Glad my name conjures up positive feelings for you. Welcome to LS. Like yo, I joined when I had a serious problem with an ex and everyone was so very understanding and supportive. I stayed on to help others too. It´s great that you are doing the same!
Author Lishy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 OK so I have not been in the dating game for a long time now, how do I stop this happening????? Is there a way to avoid it? I really do not give my number out very often as I am fussy but when I do I expect a call and I only give it when the attraction is very mutual. Star, is there a way to work out who those guys are? Wogs, how do I know if it is worth dishing the digits??????
marlena Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Pfffft. How does a guy know a woman's even worth the effort if he doesn't even know her and hasn't even called yet? Good point. They don´t even make the effort to get to know the girl. Woggle, stop turning this around and shifting the blame to women again! I mean, like Lishy pointed out, what´s so hard about having integrity and meaning what you say?
Author Lishy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 I would never give out my number if I had no intention of answering the call and I would never ask for a number I had no intention of calling so why do people do this and how do I spot it or stop it happening?
marlena Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I would never give out my number if I had no intention of answering the call and I would never ask for a number I had no intention of calling so why do people do this and how do I spot it or stop it happening? Ask them for their number instead and then call them.
Trialbyfire Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Lishy, there's no way to stop it from happening, unless you only date men who you've gotten to know for awhile.
Author Lishy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Oh bugger I think I will give up on men and join the Foreign Legion! Too much like hard work lol
Star Gazer Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I honestly think some guys ask for your number simply as a way of ending a flirtatious conversation. They don't know how to just say, "Well, it was nice talking to ya! Bye!"
Stockalone Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Dont get me wrong I am not heartbroken by any of this but it is infuriating and my trust in men is dwindling to below zero! I hate feeling so anti men but they all seem like such let downs!!!!!!!!! Why ask for a number and not call? Why say you will call/text later and not? Why not just dont ask for a number or dont say you will call later it would be so easy really! Women do that too, they give out their number only to not be available or even completely ignore you when you call them (never picking up the phone, don't return calls, etc.). I always thought that these women had met other guys they liked better so there was no need for them to go on a date with me. The same could be true for the guys who never call. When I was in college, a guy I played basketball with always asked a bunch of women for their numbers. He then made a ranking and started calling his number one, then the number two, etc. The first one to accept, he went on a date with and never called those women he had rated lower. If his date didn't go well, he would ask a new bunch of women for their numbers, he never bothered calling women from his "old" list(s).
Star Gazer Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Lishy, there's no way to stop it from happening, unless you only date men who you've gotten to know for awhile. Seems like the only way to stop it from happening isn't to only date men she's gotten to know, but to only give her number to men she's known for a while. Seems absurd, no? Some men suck, but the good ones don't. Eventually, she'll encounter the latter.
loser101 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 some of my male friends have the habit of asking women for their number and never bother to call. It's a sport. Meeting men in bars is not always the way to relationships
Left in a Lurch Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Someone gave you the answer, ask for their number if you are interested. If you're not into playing games then there really is nothing wrong with this to solve your situation. You would be taking the problem out of the equation entirely. A lot of times we get numbers and for the same reasons when we call those women they blow us off, don't answer, give us fake numbers, say they are too busy to date, say they are too busy to talk and they will call right back and don't....we don't call. We change our mind because maybe we were drinking, are on the fence about you, thought about it the next day (and per the OPs one example) realized we had to beg for your number and decided you weren't all that interested. Afterwards we think who wants to go out with someone we had to beg just to get her number for a slim chance of going out with her? When we met you, maybe you seemed interesting and there was a little thrill of the chase, but when we have time to reflect on the situation we decide we just weren't as interested in going out with you as we were the day before. At least as a woman you can turn the tables and ask for the guys number. As a guy we get stuck getting phone numbers and having to plan the call, plan a date for someone we barely know anything about and get everything right in her eyes, call and get the answering machine and try to not sound like an idiot leaving a message for a stranger, decide when to call, and we know a lot of times when you tell them who you are they will say, "Who?" or give an "Oh, uh, yeah I kinda remember you, uh hi." and we have to try to make something happen even though we can hear the "please go away" in their voice. It's tough, sometimes we decide the stranger isn't worth that much effort to us.
OverThinker Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I would just like to point out that there are men out there (myself included) who do return calls and are still gentlemen, That is when I can pull a girl away from the type of guys you are talking about. I would never ask a girl for her number and then not call its just rude, But I see it all the time girls falling for the typical bar hopping guy that will be on to the next girl as soon as your out of sight. So I would say if a guy looks like he spends alot of time in the club bar scene there is a high chance that he is gonna not call more girls than he does. But thats just my opinion and you know what they say about that.
boogieboy Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Lishy, this is how you stop this from happening. DONT WORRY ABOUT IT!!!!!! #1) you should stop setting expectations before you even get to know the guy. The guys arent flakes, they actually have to do work to get a girl they like. They have to get 10 numbers to get 1 date. All you have to do is sit back and wait for them to approach you. Have a lil empathy. They dont worry about you until they have to call you, if one of the other 9 women flake on them. So you shouldnt be worried about them. #2) The guys maybe didnt call you because they didnt like you THAT much. He prolly has a gf and is just checking to see if he still can get numbers. So if THAT guy doesnt call you, consider it a blessing, because seeing as you look SO forward to someone calling you, you'll get highly disappointed anyway. Whoever doesnt call you will leave room for the guy that really likes you to call. Its a filter you dont even have to put effort into. Let the numbers system do its job. You cant put your heart into dates that didnt even happen yet. Example: I never stress women who flake. I had a women insist that I take her number and call her. When I do, she says she has to call me back. She didnt. I call her a couple hours later, it goes to voicemail, and I leave a message . Still no call back. Ill wait till next week to call her again, and if she doesnt call back...guess what? I dont call all women flakes, Its just her loss.
moman Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Depends on the setting. My buddies and I used to go to the bar and it was a game to see who could get the most phone numbers. By the end of the night, I'd probably forgotten about most of them. Sometimes I really meant to call but got tied up and then it was a few days passed and didn't seem right. As woogle said, if I met a girl that really caught my attention I would not forget to call her.
boogieboy Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Depends on the setting. My buddies and I used to go to the bar and it was a game to see who could get the most phone numbers. By the end of the night, I'd probably forgotten about most of them. Sometimes I really meant to call but got tied up and then it was a few days passed and didn't seem right. As woogle said, if I met a girl that really caught my attention I would not forget to call her. Moman tells it like it is. This is the way it will always be, unless you take the reigns and get the numbers yourself. But then you run the risk of gettin blown off. I doubt you have the balls to do that.
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