huck Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 OK - really random question here.. It hasnt happened but im just throwing out a question about ' what if ' and ' what would you do '. Ive been on LS for 4 months now and gone through the whole range of emotions since my ex dumped me and admitted she cheated on me.. In that 4 months i've slowly and gradually sorted myself out and moved on.. Im at the point now where i look back on the good times without getting upset etc. Im dating someone else now but I still sometimes think about what would happen if she came back into my life and what would make me break NC.. So the question is ' How far would you go for your ex '. This includes all those people that have been seriously burned or cheated on by your ex.. Imagine a phonecall one night from your ex saying their new bf/gf was being shi**Y/ violent towards them and they needed your help.. I know this is the extreme but i hope you catch my drift.. Even if you had no desire to get back with them - Would anything they say make you rip up the rule book and help them out??
bluewolf17 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 One thing would. If he told me "I made a big mistake, I realize that now. I never stopped loving you, and I am asking for a second chance. I want to start all over, with you." That would break my NC. That and that alone.
Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Ok... I am a female. So if my ex were being abused I would probably laugh. If he called and needed help with somthing really important. I would try to help him. I wouldn't put to much on the line in helping him. I will always care about him in some kinda of way. If he were to call about a bad relationship.. It would be awkward. Even though my ex is a moron, I don't think he would be dumb enough to do that. I assume I would end up saying somthing along the line of (What in the hell makes you think I give a rats behind about your relationship?) Yes, I think it would make me very annoyed.
guitarplayer1234 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 One thing would. If he told me "I made a big mistake, I realize that now. I never stopped loving you, and I am asking for a second chance. I want to start all over, with you." That would break my NC. That and that alone. This. I'm not ready to just be his friend yet so right now I don't want to hear anything else from him. If he is having problems in another relationship then he has plenty of other people to turn to.
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Honestly, I wouldn't do anything. I would wish her well, but that's about it. This is the girl that made me experience depression for the first time in my life, drove me to see a psychiatrist and take antidepressants and anxiety medication, and not gave a sh*t or even tried to make things better. She cheated for 6 months after this, and lied to me about the stupidest things. I don't wish her bad luck, but she just simply does not deserve anything from me. In fact, wishing her well is already too much from me, but I'm simply not a bad person. I wouldn't help her. I helped her enough throughout our relationship with things as bad as her bipolar disorder and psychological problems due to her abusive past and things as small as helping her relieve her menstrual cramps. And honestly, the most she did for me was probably tell me she loves me. I'm so glad I finally realized I'm better off without her. And that one day I'll find someone who'll actually APPRECIATE everything I do for her.
fabulous_chk Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 I actually broke NC when my ex's father died. I was the only one my ex wanted to be with at that time. He cheated on me and dumped me, so I guess it's extreme situation. But he's still a bananahead. I have initiated NC again. To save my sanity.
Sevenscars Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I would break NC if someone had died. I would also break NC if she apologized wholeheartedly to me for the many things that she did. If she messaged me needing my help, or for ANYTHING less than the two listed above, I would not even give her the time of day.
Road To Joy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 he's still a bananahead. Haha, what's a bananahead?! I like it. I might be using that term.
Road To Joy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I would also break NC if she apologized wholeheartedly to me for the many things that she did. What did she do?
Nedved Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 To be honest if somebody was being violent towards my ex i'd be very upset. Although she broke my heart and was cold to me i would'nt like her to be mistreated and if i got an SOS from her like that i'd help her out even if it meant breaking NC. I think in an extreme circumstance like that most guys would. We prob all would'nt mind them getting a taste of their own medicine by being dumped but when it gets physical then for me all bets are off. That'd prob the only reason along with a death in her family that i might have any contact with her again.
fabulous_chk Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Haha, what's a bananahead?! I like it. I might be using that term. Extremely confused haha! I will actually save him as bananahead on my contact list. He's currently Batman right now. Uh, guys, don't break NC please! I did and it set me back to the very first day of break-up! If they have someone new in their lives let the new person clean up their s.h.i.t.
Sevenscars Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 If they have someone new in their lives let the new person clean up their s.h.i.t. Good call. Why deal with their drama and get your head filled up with them even more? No need to worry about things you can not control: i.e., them. Look how much space has freed up inside your head for pure goodness and fun. What did she do? She disrespected me.
SBG04 Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Anything that involved getting us back together or her safety. I told her before NC that if she was ever in any trouble, stranded, danger, whatever, call me and I will collect her or pay/get her a hotel, cab. Whatever she needed. No strings attached.
Lyssa Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 My previous ex - although he hurt me a lot (none of us did the cheating thing, it just had to end) - and I are good friends. We still look out for one another so if he needed help - anytime of the day/night - I would try my best to help him out. My fiance knows how close we are so he'd probably help my ex as well. If it were my other ex-es, then I couldn't give a ****e! They can go to hell for all I care .
Ingenue Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 If my ex was my friend, I would go to the moon and back. I am an extremely loyal person and if my ex and I had a friendship that warranted that loyalty, I'd undoubtedly do anything in my capacity as a friend to help him. I would do the same for all of my friends But, my ex and I are not friends. So, I'd wish him well and that is all. He neither deserves my time nor my compassion. In fact, he did contact me to whinge about his current girlfriend (the woman he cheated on me with). I listened with an indifferent ear. I don't wish him ill, but he is not a part of my life. Had our relationship ended differently and he had been less of a coward and offered a heartfelt, genuine apology, I could have attempted to build a friendship.
Soul Bear Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 that is a very good question...truth be told, i would still take a bullet for that girl, despite the pain she has caused in the breakup. maybe im just a pushover, maybe im just a fool, either way, i know if push came to shove and there was a gun pointed at her, i would jump in front...would she do the same? who knows...if push came to shove on her side i would like to think yes...in fact im pretty sure she would... sometimes we dont know what we have til its gone... sometimes it takes a life threatning situation to realise these things... by the way, dont get any STUPID ideas from this, its just a metaphore =p you guys are so effing amazing. dont know where i would be if i didnt have all my LS buddies..if any of you are in uk,orlondon, gimme a pm, lets grab a beer! ill get you so positive about life you wont know what hit you!!! fabulouschick-sorry i havent been online, i miss our daily chats too! promise ill be in touch soon when i have something else to use other than my phone for internet access ...soulbearx
fabulous_chk Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Glad you're well my Soul_Bear! I'm always here for you. *hugs* I won't take a bullet for my ex, never. No contact should never be broken, for any reason. Life is too short to give attention to cheaters.
The Blue Pill Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I would attend her funeral, without a doubt. That's about the only thing I could say without a doubt. Otherwise, if SHE contacted ME with an important issue, I would go out of my way for her. I know that she will probably never contact me, so I shouldn't even be thinking about it. If she called me needing consolation due to a relationship mishap, I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to help her. If she called me and needed to be picked up somewhere due to an emergency, then I would. If she called me saying she was in the hospital, or was diagnosed with cancer (or another disease), I would visit/chat. If she wanted to get together for lunch for old time's sake, I would decline. If she texted me asking for something unimportant, I'd probably ignore it and not reply. That probably sums it up. 9 months apart, 5 months NC.
TaraMaiden Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 As a woman, the only criterion would be if he or my child was in mortal danger... I think Dr. Phil has a good Privacy, "don't bother me!" line for parents to use if they want to be intimate without being disturbed - "This is our time, and I don't want to hear from you unless your sister is on fire!" I guess something like that. If it was a matter of life or death, I would help, if that's what I was being asked to do. Otherwise - 'swim buddy, to me you're just waving, not drowning!'
skreen23 Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I broke nc during a break when i found out a friend of hers had died, during the talk she broke up with me, meh. At the moment, at a push, i'd might p i s s on her if she was on fire, might.
Author huck Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 Hi guys. Thought id reply to my own thread !!.. Backtrack 24 hours and I would of agreed with most of the people on this post. I would of made contact if there had of been a death/illness in her family or some kind of life or death situation - or maybe if she was in hospital. Anything else I would of ignored or blatantly told her to ask her friends for help and not me.. But.... last night i got a text off her saying she had left some car documents in my house and needed them for some reason.. No probs i thought - texted back and said ill post them to you - end of.. Then at work today ( we work together ) - she emailed me some jokey emails which were all good natured and she asked if I fancied meeting up for a smoke break... As easily as that I was hooked in and agreed to it.. We had a five minute chat about her really and I came away from it feeling majorly pi**ed off that I had broken NC.. Not sure why I did it - was just on impulse.. Anyway - just venting now and am seriously angry I was twisted that easily !!. Might try and find a Tattoist that is willing to tattoo NC on my forehead - so next time I get a text/email I can look in the mirror and slap myself around the face a few times !..
NopeNah Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 im with skreen. I guess I'd piss on her if she was on fire..but, I like to drink so, it'd probaly make matters worse
fabulous_chk Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Ugh, i guess i'm a bananahead over NC too. Here i was doing great on my Day 9 of NC when my ex IMs me and says he needs my help. It sounded urgent. So I called him up. He lost his ATM card and wants me to withdraw money from his account and send it to him thru western union (he's in Greece). So within like 20 minutes, done! Called him back to say he can pick up his money. So guys, think of me if ever an ex of yours try to contact you. You are being used. I know I am. But the habit of being a housewife and a friend is a tough habit to break.
sedgwick Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Absolutely not. He chose a life without me, and that means a life without me ALL THE WAY. The only thing he could say that would get a response from me is "I love you, I'm sorry I treated you badly, and I want you back."
now_what Posted July 1, 2009 Posted July 1, 2009 My ex chose a life without me also (after being together over 30 years). Last January he called me from an ambulance to say he had fallen on the ice and cracked his head open. My first instinct was to go be with him, and then I thought, wait a minute, you left me for another woman, so why are you calling me? It brought back old feelings when things were good and I think he felt it too, because after that he backed waaaay off with any contact. He made his choice and is supposedly happy - he married the other woman, but I think one of these days he will regret his actions. If he called me up begging my forgiveness, I might listen to him, but that would be about it. I don't think I would ever want to help him too much with anything - he selfishness has killed any remaining feelings for him. Hell he was too busy to go to our son's graduation - poker run. I have been nice to him though, I got a new wide screen HDTV so I asked him if he wanted my old 200 pound flat screen and he said he did.
Recommended Posts