Bayern Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Well the title may be hard to understand so I'll do the best I can. This is my first post, by the way, after browsing the forum a while. I wonder if you guys think there is a difference between: a) Going to online dating services to find someone to date and b) Just browsing the internet doing things that interest you (for me history) and finding someone who is interested in the same topic (I do this with plenty of guys) and sparking conversation. My story is this: I was commenting about some historical World War II video on youtube and I commented on some girls post. Ironically enough we didn't see eye-to-eye. Anyway, we started talking and I got her MSN account. She speaks next to no English (from what she shows - even though every once in a while she'll surprise me, so I think she is just embarassed to try) so I've spoken in my horrible German I've taught myself over the last 9 months or so. At first I thought "hey here is an opportunity to really help increase my German language skills". Well we talked for hours on MSN. The historical logs for MSN get fill and you have to save the file or else lose the history and I have about twice as much conversation with her as I do with all other 25 contacts. More and more I started to like her more than a chat-buddy to better my German language knowledge. I tried hard to surpress them knowing that it would only end up with pain considering she lived in Switzerland and I in the United States. I just finished graduating highschool, but before I knew where I was going for university I had planned a summer trip to Germany, Belgium, and Switzerland. I had asked if it wasn't too much trouble just to sleep on the floor at her parents' place to save money on hotel fees. She had absolutely no problems it. Here is where things take a slight turn. I will study history in university and found that one of the best schools abroad (I have always wanted to move to Europe) was located in Switzerland. For that reason I enrolled and I will be moving to Switzerland in August. Because of that, I cancelled the trip this summer. I've never told her how I feel about her anymore than being a friend, but there are things that might lead me to believe (and maybe this is wishful thinking) that she thinks there is more too. When I mentioned I'd just sleep on the floor she said something to the effect of "No guest of mine is sleeping on the floor. You can sleep in my bed with me" or something like that. Not to mention we've had discussions about sex, and some other little flirthy things. I have given her a nickname because of her sleeping patterns and she loves it and names other online accounts with it. She stays up until 8:00 am (her time) talking to me sometimes (it's not just for me - it's just the way she is). Not only that, but even with my absolute horrible German that cannot be easy to understand (I've had no class, it's all self-taught) she still contacts me most of the time to talk. And like I said, it's been for hours at a time... Anyway, I'm moving in August and I'll be only a short train ride away. She's already invited me to come up to stay a weekend with her in her new apartment so I will be doing that. I don't know where it'll go, but I'm totally prepared for us to be friends either way. I guess I turned my question into my entire story, but I'll just let you guys have the floor. Discuss away - and try not to be too harsh to the newcomer.
butcher's hook Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 First of all your story is sweet! I like it. Impressive you taught yourself German. Secondly not sure what your question is are you asking if how you met is considered the same as internet dating? Do you have a hang-up with how you met? (is she from Bayern?)
Joey Popps Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Who knows what you two will act like in real life. There are tons of people who 'fall in love' over the internet because of various reasons. Maybe they met on a dating site. Maybe they met on a forum. Maybe they met in some chat room. Who knows and who cares, the reality is many people like to 'exaggerate' the truth online. I wouldn't fall for anybody that hard unless you met them in person a few times. I wish you the best but the reality is she doesn't know you and you don't know her at this point. You are internet buddies. Too many people 'fall in love' in chat rooms and then meet in person and suddenly it's soo far from what they hoped or thought. Keep an open mind, be careful, but don't go too far out there when you haven't even met yet.
butcher's hook Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Well thank you for the kind words. My question is something in my head and another typed out. People seem to look down (and from what I see, not these forums) on online dating. I wondered if people on these forums see any difference between going to an online dating site and just finding someone going through normal routine. If you're online with the intent to date I think that may allow for a bigger chance of some guy messing with you (as I've read stories about). If you just meet normally online it seems to have a better chance of being real. I see. I think you are putting too much weight on the fact of whether you met online with intent or not. The idea is that now a days anything goes in terms of how people meet, it's pretty laid back in that sense. We live in an age of cyber communities for everything, be it entertainment, to romance, to social networking to anonymous support. So I think the stigma is not really there anymore. At the end of the day what you need to worry about is how things will pan out when you do meet, and if the attraction will be there after so much investment has been given to the emotional connection. You met by chance and it's a nice story regardless. Personally I am a huge fan of all the comments on youtube sometimes moreso than the actual videos since some are simply hilarious! I think it was smart to work your plans around schooling that should be your #1 priority right now. In terms of how things will pan out with your girl, like you said you are only a train ride away, Europe is easily accessible from country to country it's almost like you are practically in the same country when it comes to travel so it's totally doable! Lastly I wouldn't put too much focus on what you feel now, it's easy to imagine feelings when you have never met someone and get to know them over the internet.
lora22 Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Right now you're number one priority should be your education. That said, I have a really good friend from college who met her husband the way you described. She met him online in some kind of forum or something (politics, not dating); she studied abroad in his country for a semester and ended up staying there. Now they're married and she's finally finishing her degree.
Author Bayern Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 Thank you all for your responses. In the case about education; I agree. It's number one and it will not change. You bring up a good point. There is NO way to know how things will go in person - especially when I don't know her language very well (which could end up helping me, but who knows). I have continually told myself and made myself cold to the situation. I don't want to get burned and I'm completely prepared for it. It's a good thing too because now if it doesn't work, there is nothing to be worried about, but if it does - it's great! Anything else from the "experts"? It's good to hear of one happy ending to a story like mine.
Eleventy Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 I once had a relationship like that. I met a girl online on a forum. We eventually flirted a bit in one of the topics and it eventually moved to AIM. She lived on the east coast and me on the west. We were both applying to top-tier colleges. I managed to convince my parents to let me fly over to stay with her and visit colleges once we started to get more involved with one another. So, I flew over, and things exploded. So much passion and fun and... it was just a great trip. We got into many good colleges that year as well. She flew back to my place for my winter break. My friends also surprised me by secretly flying her in for my prom (what a time that was!). I then flew to her prom for seconds. Eventually we went to school on the east coast, only an hour away from each other instead of thousands of miles. We visited each other every weekend/every other weekend or so. Eventually the relationship fell apart after a year for other reasons, but it was still an amazing experience I wouldn't have traded for the world. I learned so much about myself, love, and relationships. She was technically my first girlfriend, and I am lucky to have such a unique experience. I will just say this: Things WILL be a little bit different IRL than what you envision. This has happened with EVERYONE I've ever met IRL after having met them online first. Usually, though, the differences won't be a huge deal, especially if you guys chat with video and such (in which case the only surprise is usually the size/height of the person). There will likely be initial shyness, but if you guys are anything like my ex-gf and I were, you'll hit it off fairly quickly.
Author Bayern Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 Thanks again for the tips. What confidence builders, these posts are!
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