Nikki Sahagin Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Hi. I have found it very hard lately to simple accept my situation. Recap. 2 year relationship. Both 17 at the time. Best friends. He had a brief relationship which we kissed during (and emotionally cheated). He left her. We got together. I had anxiety/depression and so we didn't go out for the first few months, to keep us secret, in case it came out to her. I used to push him away because I feared I would lose him. I hit him twice. Went on the pill (caused MASSIVE emotional changes). He was 100% in the relationship at first though I sometimes caught him saying things to other girls that sent me into a frenzy. At the year and a half point, he started a new job, felt he found his old self and left me. We got back together a short while later and I changed and tried hard to be better. But this time it was him that changed. He didn't want to spend any time with me. Now this is just the negative of the relationship and there was a lot of good. Though we've both learnt from our mistakes, he doesn't want to get back together. So why do I feel so guilty at how I acted in the past? Even if it came from anxiety/depression/how we got together? Why can't I just accept that I was afraid and hurt and a lot of crap came from that. Instead my feelings range from feeling guilt at my past behaviour and feeling that I cost us the relationship by throwing back in his face his love, and the guy I got in the end was the one I probably deserved. I feel I brought this on myself, even though I know we were both at fault for how we got together. But my insecurities made me self-sabotague. It makes it easier towards the end that he became the jerk, but I can't help but feel I turned him into that by making him bitter by the way I treated him. God I learnt so much. It sucks that I learnt it just a little too late.
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 All you need is time. As you go on with your life, it'll all begin to fade. Just keep 'following the rules', and give yourself time. You'll be fine, I promise.
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