northstar1 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I realized that it has been just about a year since I came onto LS after my breakup (an LDR turned sour). I wont' go into much detail, but suffice to say it was a rough and awkward breakup. I was a disaster last summer, pure and simple. All the classic symptoms of a breakup; Couldn't go 5 minutes without thinking about her, dreamnt of her nearly every night, was either depressed or bitter, or both. Lost my desire to go out and have fun. Even if I went out, I'd think of her most of the night. Like many of you, I felt like I'd lost the "one". I honestly began to feel a shell of myself, I lacked even the slighest amount of self confidence. I spent a lot of time on LS, and I mean hours a day, searching for posts under "coping" and "second chances" to see a story like mine, and perhaps find some hope that things might work out. I also met a lot of great people on here who really offered me some great advice. And some tough love (Kizik, Fox, Caliguy amongst others) I rarely slept well, or ate well, and lost weight. All that fun stuff. Like most, I broke NC a few times, with the exact same faulty logic that most people employ when they do it. And got the same results as everyone else, more heartache and anger. I finally instituted full NC around the holidays last year. I realized that it was the only way to fully heal. For all of you still thinking of breaking NC. Don't do it. It does not turn out well. You have to have space to heal. Trust me on this. I rejoined a gym, got in shape, took up a few hobbies and forced myself to go out with friends even when I wanted to just stay in an mope. Finally, in the new year, I turned a corner and began to see the 'light' that life does go on, and the dreams began to subside and I wasn't plagued by gut wrenching anxiety all the time. I went from thinking of her all day long, to maybe once or twice a day. I began to focus on me and my goals and what I wanted in life. And I began to date again. Mostly met with disaster, but that's for another thread. And now, 6 months later, I can truly say I've come out the other end of the tunnel. Life has begun to really be enjoyable again, both because I finally accepted things as they are, but also because I finally accepted that my happiness lies within. And I've been dating a new girl for about 3 months and it's been going great. Sure I think of my ex from time to time and wonder what she's up to, but it's no longer with anger or sadness. More of just a passing nostalgia now. So, for all of you still struggling, I was in that spot last year and I can tell you that it will get better. It will!!
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Ahh, I love posts like these. They really help keep your chin up. Thank you and congratulations!
trustydusty Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 don't break NC, don't do it! I allowed her back in my life after 3 weeks NC, i got a glimmer of hope, and then i drunk dialed her said stupid ****, and i feel almost back to square one now...and i was actually starting to get over her . I just have to move on, life is to short to feel these highs and lows.
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I just have to move on, life is to short to feel these highs and lows. I can totally relate. Being like this is wasting time. Good thing I'm not at the point where I still want to fall off the face of the earth, though. Those are the worst. Someone can walk up to you and offer you a paid trip across the world, and you would have absolutely no enthusiasm. Can't wait to get over this! Btw, you should delete her number. Wouldn't it be hard to drunk dial that way?
Author northstar1 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 don't break NC, don't do it! I allowed her back in my life after 3 weeks NC, i got a glimmer of hope, and then i drunk dialed her said stupid ****, and i feel almost back to square one now...and i was actually starting to get over her . I just have to move on, life is to short to feel these highs and lows. you will move on, trust me. the small moment of relief/happiness you experience when you contact them or email them is quickly replaced by the long moment of anguish and suffering. you also are right that life is too short to waste worrying about one person so much. someone one told me that you can't focus on the road ahead when you're looking in the rearview mirror behind.
sedgwick Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 You are so lucky. It's been two years since my ex left me, and a year since we spoke, and I still miss him like the day he left. I haven't been on a date since then either. Enjoy it for me, willya?
Author northstar1 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 You are so lucky. It's been two years since my ex left me, and a year since we spoke, and I still miss him like the day he left. I haven't been on a date since then either. Enjoy it for me, willya? You will, when you finally grow tired of spending time worrying about him and realize you have a lot of value to offer someone new.
marlena Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 I am happy for you, North. I always knew that you could do it. You are too intelligent and well-balanced not to have pulled through this. I could see these qualities in you right from your early posts.
Author northstar1 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 I am happy for you, North. I always knew that you could do it. You are too intelligent and well-balanced not to have pulled through this. I could see these qualities in you right from your early posts. Thanks Marlena. I also am thankful for the salient advice you provided to me over the year. It really helped put things in perspective during a dark time
marlena Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 My pleasure, North. This way I got to know you a little.
Recommended Posts