sweet_peach115 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We recently got in a fight and he told me he doesn't know if I am the one or if he will ever want to marry me. After 2 years, aren't these things he should know or should I give him time?
carhill Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Is he still not working nor helping around the house? If yes, perhaps you should be a bit more proactive about seeing the long-term prospects here
Author sweet_peach115 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 you remember me!! well here is the situation: he got offered a job on the other side of the country so we moved a couple of weeks ago. We are now living where we both grew up and staying with our parents and not living together until he gets settled into his new job. I started a new job which I hate and am not happy here. My dilema is if I should stay here for him or quit my job and move back to the other side of the country. I am having a lot of trouble deciding if I should just let him go and move on. I really do love him and don't want to lose him but if I will never be "the one" for him then what is the point of holding on?
carhill Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Well, there are two actions I see as positive. First, he took a job offer. Second, you both now live where you grew up, so there is an established social/family network there. Personally, I'd gauge whether his past behaviors were situational or intrinsic. This change of scenery, combined with living apart, should help you decide. It's important that you focus on what's healthy for you, so your lack of desire/passion for your new job is relevant. In this economy, having a job is a positive thing, so perhaps you can incorporate that into your perspective. How old are you and, if still in your 20's, what do your parents think about all this?
Author sweet_peach115 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Although we are back where we grew up, I no longer feel I belong/fit in here. The majority of my friends have moved away from here. I am 25 yrs old. My family is happy to have me home but my mom noticed how unhappy I am. She questioned me about what was going on between me and my boyfriend as I have hardly seen him since we moved back. He spends all his time with one of his childhood friends and has been making a big deal about how I get upset that I never see him anymore. He hasn't even started working yet and I never see him!! His job doesn't start until some time in July.
carhill Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 OK, IMO, it's time to do something for yourself. Are you ready to be alone? Gather up some perspective and savings by remaining at home until you're ready and have a job lined up. Would you go back to where you lived before and work there and feel good about being alone there?
boogieboy Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I think he feels smothered by you. If you have no social network and youre lonely at home waiting for him, that isnt pressure that anyone wants. You should have your own life seriously. I dont know your full story, but damn, if he says he doesnt want to marry you, i dunno. Have you tried backing off? hanging with someone alot so HE has to come looking for you?
Author sweet_peach115 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 I think if we did break up then I would go back out west and try to get my old job back. My best friend has been texting me trying to get me to move back and live with her and her boyfriend but I think that would be a little awkward. I don't have a social network here anymore but I am not smothering my boyfriend. He is with his friends all day, everyday. We rarely see each other. Sometimes I will see him for about 2 hours and that is it. Any time he spends any time with me, one of his guy friends calls (he talks so loud I can hear him through the phone) and gives my bf trouble about being with me and complains that he is whipped. Sometimes I think I could be alone but it scares me and it makes me sick to think of my boyfriend moving on and being with someone else. I am just really confused.
boogieboy Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 He spends all his time with one of his childhood friends and has been making a big deal about how I get upset that I never see him anymore. . THIS to him is smothering. Even if you dont bring it up that much. if he doesnt make time for you, you should move back to where you were originally. Get used to being sick thinking that he will be with someone else, because you will be moving back.
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