shall i meet my ex?

[heartbrokenxxxx]

i have previous threads about me and my ex of 3 and half years broke up and wasnt on good terms and didnt have much closure as he didnt give me a valid reason for why he didnt want to be with me and was out the blue.

we had NC for 3 months and i bumped into him unexpectidly where he spoke to me and after a few minutes of chatting i stupidly asked him if he wanted to go into town, he said no because he was busy and i felt stupid incase he thought i wanted to meet him for reconciliation or something.

so later on that evening i sent him an email explaining why i asked him to go into town saying it was because i wanted to have a proper catch up and it would be good to stay in contact.

he replied saying yer as long as its strictly friendly catch up and i said yes. since then we have been emailing eachother and have arranged to meet next week for a drink.

i am disapointed in myself for contacting him saying to meet as i was doing so well in NC but felt i didnt want him to think i asked to go into town because i wasnt over him or wanted him back or anything.

also is it ok to meet an ex as friends if your not over them 100 percent? im not over him but i def feel better than i did a month ago and am moving on slowly.

i just have felt all along i havent been fully able to get over him due to how we broke up so is meeting a good idea so i can finally move forward and not hold any grudges?

also what advice would you give me when i meet him?

 

your advice would be much appreciated, thankyou in advance for those who reply

[Exit]

If you had been open about how you really feel "I want to meet because I didn't get any closure about what happened" then I would go. But you simply suggested meeting as friends. And you already admit you aren't over him. I don't think this will do you any good. You will hang out, then go back home with a hurting heart.

 

Don't lie to yourself. You don't want him as just a friend. You are setting yourself up for getting hurt again.

 

My opinion.

[heartbrokenxxxx]

yes but i dont want him to think im not over him after all this time as he has made it clear hes over me and getting on with life by partying etc.

i did ring him a week after breaking up asking why but he was very off and didnt really give me answers just saying he wasnt enjoying the relationship, but it was out the blue though as he was telling me how much he loved me few days before!

i dont want to talk about why he didnt want to be with me when or if we meet, just to get along so i no theres no bad feelings so i can finally move forward as it is eating me up inside the bad terms we left things on after being with eachother so long.

im not over him, but i no i can handle talking to him now and i think i will move on better if we leave eachother on good terms?

plus hes moving away in 2 months to university so i dont want to regret my chance to meet him to put the bad break up behind us.

[hrtbrk hotel tenant]

dont ask him it will only give u hurt. I asked my ex on a date to the mountains in a beautiful cabin but will that come to fruition probly not. NC is killin me and i have yet to accomplish a wk cuz im weak. start again tommorrow i guess but just do the NC thing if u love let go

[boogieboy]

You can put the bad breakup behind you without meeting up with him. As long as youre not over him, theres no point in meeting with him.

 

Putting the breakup behind you comes from within, not from him. Theres nothing he can do to help you get over him faster. If you meet up with him, it will only set you back. Dont do it.

[Gus]

yes but i dont want him to think im not over him after all this time as he has made it clear hes over me and getting on with life by partying etc.

 

just saying he wasnt enjoying the relationship, but it was out the blue though as he was telling me how much he loved me few days before!

 

i dont want to talk about why he didnt want to be with me

 

it is eating me up inside the bad terms we left things on after being with eachother so long.

 

i dont want to regret my chance to meet him to put the bad break up behind us.

 

 

 

I don't understand what you don't understand as to why he broke it off - "just wasn't enjoying the relationship" was a good enough reason for him to end it, let it be a good enough reason for you.

 

It sounds like you REALLY aren't over him and regardless of the reason he tells you he left, you won't be happy with nor will you accept the answer.

 

It sounds like the only bad part of the breakup is that YOU won't / can't accept it's over - what do you possibly hope to gain by meeting up w/ him again. Don't go and get on with your life without him - it's over, period.

[loveshy]

Meeting her again was the BIGGEST MISTAKE I DID..

 

DONT DO IT..

 

If he/she contacts you to meet just tell them that you need "space" and ignore talking to them..........

[BCCA]

Here is what I think...

 

You havent gotten over him, because frankly, you just dont want to let go. Meeting him isnt going to relieve any grudges, if anything, youll just be pissed and hurt all over when you meet him and he still doesnt want to get back together. And its not going to give you closure, that comes from within.

 

You also have to realize that he DID give you a reason, you just dont want to accept it. Nothing he said is going to make any sense to you, because its the exact opposite of what you want. If he wrote you a 10 page letter, detailing exactly what it is he didnt like, you would still refute every bit of it, or just refuse to believe it. Seriously, nothing he can say is going to make it any better.

 

Never ask for things you dont want, you just might get them. You dont want this guy as a friend, you want him back or to explain fully why he broke up with you. Expecting either of those is very unrealistic. He's actually trying to be a good guy by making sure you understand that its just as friends catching up, but you have alterior motives. Trust me, as soon as any mention of the relationship is made, he's going to be done.

 

Youre really just looking to pour salt in an open wound. I dont see any good, for you, coming from this meeting.

[Beeotch]

i have previous threads about me and my ex of 3 and half years broke up and wasnt on good terms and didnt have much closure as he didnt give me a valid reason for why he didnt want to be with me and was out the blue.

we had NC for 3 months and i bumped into him unexpectidly where he spoke to me and after a few minutes of chatting i stupidly asked him if he wanted to go into town, he said no because he was busy and i felt stupid incase he thought i wanted to meet him for reconciliation or something.

so later on that evening i sent him an email explaining why i asked him to go into town saying it was because i wanted to have a proper catch up and it would be good to stay in contact.

he replied saying yer as long as its strictly friendly catch up and i said yes. since then we have been emailing eachother and have arranged to meet next week for a drink.

i am disapointed in myself for contacting him saying to meet as i was doing so well in NC but felt i didnt want him to think i asked to go into town because i wasnt over him or wanted him back or anything.

also is it ok to meet an ex as friends if your not over them 100 percent? im not over him but i def feel better than i did a month ago and am moving on slowly.

i just have felt all along i havent been fully able to get over him due to how we broke up so is meeting a good idea so i can finally move forward and not hold any grudges?

also what advice would you give me when i meet him?

 

your advice would be much appreciated, thankyou in advance for those who reply

 

When there is an imbalance (one person liking the other romantically and the other not feeling the same)...the friendship thing generally doesn't work out.You are going to be hypersensitive about the things they say and do and subconsciously have expectations and get disappointed...

 

You aren't over him...he is over you and he made sure to make sure that you knew it. I don't see why you would want to hang out with him in that case. He didn't invite you out...you invited him...you're making all the moves in this so-called friendship and you're asking about what to do on loveshack...it seems to me that it is not worth it. He might not be that great of a friend to you anyway, you should just keep it moving and not get caught up. You don't have to hate him...but you don't have to have drinks with him either. Do you think he cares either way? Doesn't seem like it...

[heartbrokenxxxx]

i do understand that im not over him which in that case meeting as friends wont do me any good... but when we spoke the day we bumped into eachother he made sure he said everything whats hes been doing like all the parties hes been to and that. whereas because i was shocked we were talking my mind went blank and i didnt say much what ive been doing. plus i nearly cried when i explained that my dad had been in hospital which he saw, i sort of want the chance to meet him and say the things ive been doing so he thinks im getting on with things too.

also we have been emailing and have said a day were going to meet so what could i do from here if i dont meet him?

if i ignore his emails then it will look bad as it was me who suggested the meeting.

if i say i dont think its a good idea to meet he will think im not over him which isnt what i want him to think.

only option is to meet after that as he will think i still care if i say no, ahhhh!

i dont want him to think i care and i want to be the bigger person and show i can be friends with him.

i dont want to talk about the relationship, i dont want to get back with him as i no we dont work im just not over him in general because we were together a long time. and i need my pride this time anyway as hes dumped me many times before (but always him to come running back and i took him back everytime)

ahhhh why did i have to ask to go into town resulting in me writing an email to meet as friends breaking NC, why??? i feel so stupid! what do i do now???

[Beeotch]

i do understand that im not over him which in that case meeting as friends wont do me any good... but when we spoke the day we bumped into eachother he made sure he said everything whats hes been doing like all the parties hes been to and that. whereas because i was shocked we were talking my mind went blank and i didnt say much what ive been doing. plus i nearly cried when i explained that my dad had been in hospital which he saw, i sort of want the chance to meet him and say the things ive been doing so he thinks im getting on with things too.

also we have been emailing and have said a day were going to meet so what could i do from here if i dont meet him?

if i ignore his emails then it will look bad as it was me who suggested the meeting.

if i say i dont think its a good idea to meet he will think im not over him which isnt what i want him to think.

only option is to meet after that as he will think i still care if i say no, ahhhh!

i dont want him to think i care and i want to be the bigger person and show i can be friends with him.

i dont want to talk about the relationship, i dont want to get back with him as i no we dont work im just not over him in general because we were together a long time. and i need my pride this time anyway as hes dumped me many times before (but always him to come running back and i took him back everytime)

ahhhh why did i have to ask to go into town resulting in me writing an email to meet as friends breaking NC, why??? i feel so stupid! what do i do now???

 

Relax.

 

It is not as difficult as you are painting it...who gives a f8ck what he thinks?

 

It is your prerogative to change your mind. You can simply say you double-planned and you had your other engagement first...then vaguely say we have to do this another time...then don't get back to him. Chances are he won't be chasing after you to remake the plans and if he does....great for him.

 

This is just one scenario...but if you don't want to do something, there are ways and means of getting out of it. The problem here is that you do want to meet him for drinks so you are making it seem as though there are no options and you MUST go.

 

No need to call yourself stupid...just put yourself together and realize it is YOUR life and YOUR feelings, he has been an a-hole and it is ultimately your choice to go or not to go and you have every right to get out of these plans and you can get out of it gracefully or slickly.Use a white lie if you must...

[2sunny]

just email him and tell him after giving it some thought - you decided against meeting with him.

 

there is no reason for you to have to explain anything further. to do so will only make you look weak and pathetic. cut him off... move forward.

[heartbrokenxxxx]

thanks beeotch i supose i can get out of meeting him if i want to.

right i have thought long and hard and this is how i feel...

i dont want him back ever as i no deep down our relationship wasnt great, i dont want to talk about our relationship of we met up, im not 'in love' with him anymore, i just care about him still and love him because we spent many years together and was my first love.. so is it definately not wise to meet up with me feeling this way? even though i have let go of the relationship just not 100 percent over him due to the amount of time spent together?

i want to meet him because i feel its a shame and a waste if we didnt stay in contact and meet once in a while after all the time we spent together. i dont want to hold grudges anymore thinking how bad he was cos thats bringing me down. thats why i want to meet and hopefully leave on good terms

grrr i hate this situation!

HELP!!

[boogieboy]

You cant be the bigger person, because you arent being true to yourself. He already knows that since youre contacting him, you still arent over him. He already knows. Theres no point in you being friends since youre not REALLY over him. The more you hang out with him, the longer you will take to get over him, THATS a waste.

 

But youre gonna hang out with him anyway because you feel you NEED to at least be with him, worrying about what he thinks of you. So keep hanging with him, and drag out your own torture.

[BCCA]

I can promise you, you will not leave that meeting on better terms. It will not answer any questions, make you feel any better, or allow you to avoid holding a grudge. Truthfully, its much more likely to do the exact opposite.

 

I can remember feeling like it was such a waste to never talk to my ex again after 5 years, but honestly, thats the reality of the situation. You were around eachother and friendly because you were together. Had you not been his girlfriend, you certainly would not have come to know him and appreciate certain things about him. Its really ALL contingent on the relationship; with it goes the friendship.

 

So long as you aren't in a bitter war, fighting in the street, or affraid for your well being, youre on about the best terms you can hope for. Expecting to remain friends is just nonsensical, its impossible. As someone else mentioned, you are definitely more hung up on him than the other way around, so there is an imbalance. Sounds to me like he is only meeting with you out of guilt, and its just going to be a pointless way to kill a couple hours for both of you.

 

Be honest with yourself, this is not at all about leaving on good terms. You want to see if seeing you, and spending a little time together, changes his mind, or at the very least, leaves him in a position to second guess himself. Its simply not realistic, Im sorry.

 

If you dont want to hold grudges, dont. That has nothing to do with him, thats all on you. Forgive and move on. Seeing him is only going to keep you down longer, exposes you to being used, and will not help you in the least.

 

Seriously, pull the plug on the meetup idea.

[wow123]

I don't want to give you false hope but...you say he is over you by partying? He may have wanted to leave you to be single and party but that doesn't mean he is over you. I went through this a few years back. Ended a LT relationship to be single so I could party and date other girls. When I got sick of the partying I realized what I gave up and tried to go back but she was already too far gone.

[Mike B.]

You really have to be honest with yourself here. You are convincing yourself that you have to meet him so he can see that you are moving on and you don't want him to think...

 

It seems you are giving yourself excuses just to meet up with him. Like someone said above, who cares what he thinks? You will know when you are over someone when you don't give a damn what they think when they are out of your life anyway. Let him think whatever he wants.

 

You should not meet up with this guy. You will immediately place yourself back to square one with moving on including the pain.

[Beeotch]

I can promise you, you will not leave that meeting on better terms. It will not answer any questions, make you feel any better, or allow you to avoid holding a grudge. Truthfully, its much more likely to do the exact opposite.

 

I can remember feeling like it was such a waste to never talk to my ex again after 5 years, but honestly, thats the reality of the situation. You were around eachother and friendly because you were together. Had you not been his girlfriend, you certainly would not have come to know him and appreciate certain things about him. Its really ALL contingent on the relationship; with it goes the friendship.

 

So long as you aren't in a bitter war, fighting in the street, or affraid for your well being, youre on about the best terms you can hope for. Expecting to remain friends is just nonsensical, its impossible. As someone else mentioned, you are definitely more hung up on him than the other way around, so there is an imbalance. Sounds to me like he is only meeting with you out of guilt, and its just going to be a pointless way to kill a couple hours for both of you.

 

Be honest with yourself, this is not at all about leaving on good terms. You want to see if seeing you, and spending a little time together, changes his mind, or at the very least, leaves him in a position to second guess himself. Its simply not realistic, Im sorry.

 

If you dont want to hold grudges, dont. That has nothing to do with him, thats all on you. Forgive and move on. Seeing him is only going to keep you down longer, exposes you to being used, and will not help you in the least.

 

Seriously, pull the plug on the meetup idea.

 

Cosign.

[heartbrokenxxxx]

thanks guys you have really made me see sense!

i really thought meeting him would do me good and get over him more but i now know it wont. i just need to give myself more time alone.

im gutted about what was said that he already knows im not over him cos thats what i didnt want to happen! so i feel 3 months of NC is just wasted and im kicking myself!!!!!!

anyway as i am not going to meet him now, how do i get out this sitution as we arranged to meet on tuesday and we have been emailing about what we have been up to and that, the last email wrote was me so

shall i wait till he replies?

or send him another email now?

what the hell would i write to get out of meeting him without looking like im weak and bothered about it??

or shall i just ignore him?

what would be best??

help is needed again guys and thankyou everyone for your great advice already!

[heartbrokenxxxx]

also im cringing because i re added him on msn messenger and in my last email i wrote that i readded him and i hope he doesnt mind, ahhhh!

whats wrong with me? he hasnt accepted me on msn or wrote back yet.

i was doing so well and now look at me!

definately not ready to meet him.

so what next? email him? ignore him? what to email him if i do?

[asuman]

also im cringing because i re added him on msn messenger and in my last email i wrote that i readded him and i hope he doesnt mind, ahhhh!

whats wrong with me? he hasnt accepted me on msn or wrote back yet.

i was doing so well and now look at me!

definately not ready to meet him.

so what next? email him? ignore him? what to email him if i do?

 

Email him to cancel.

 

"Whatshisname: Hey. I'm sorry to do this but having given it some thought I think it will be best if we not meet on Tuesday after all. Take care."

 

The end.

[heartbrokenxxxx]

yer but wont that show that im not over him though?

i feel silly that i suggested friends and to meet up then suddenly say i dont think its a good idea, wont he think.. wtf?

[Beeotch]

yer but wont that show that im not over him though?

i feel silly that i suggested friends and to meet up then suddenly say i dont think its a good idea, wont he think.. wtf?

 

Say you double planned and you have to cancel....leave it at that.

 

Then ignore him.

[wow123]

If you want him back don't go. He was letting you know it was strictly as friends so that he won't hurt you anymore. Although it hurts he was actually being respectful of your feelings on this occasion and wasnt being selfish at all.

[heartbrokenxxxx]

yer i definately dont want him back, too much water under the bridge now. plus i know we will never work as we have been on and off for a while now where we wanted to be together but just didnt work because of arguing. id say after a year and a half we started to have problems, so the past two years where hes split with me and changed his mind resulting in me being clingy and insecure leading to arguments.... merry go round relationship but dragged out because of love and time spent together, i think also because we were afraid of the unknown.

anyway, i feel ive made too much effort as he hasnt contacted me off his own back or appologised on how we broke up so i feel i shouldnt have offered to meet as friends as i dont think he deserves my time and effort anymore.

 

so thats another reason why i dont want to meet him.

i think it will just drag out my torture as someone mentioned, i dont think hes even fussed whether he meets me or not so im not going to be bothered either.

all this time i was hoping he would ring me to say sorry for what hes done so even though we have been NC, i had hope still as he has always rang me a week after we split so was sort of expecting it. i have accepted we are over now and that he doesnt care anymore, i just thought it was a shame as we were first loves and sexual partners as we got together aged 15 so we had a real close bond, so thought meeting as friends would do us good but why should i care if he doesnt?

he said just friends because we have always got back together if we met back up as 'friends' or to exchange stuff so i think he was making it clear thats not going to happen.

i feel silly if i say double booked because i actually said i couldnt meet last week cos i was busy so now ive got to say im busy again.. oh dear.