fissionchips Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Hi, guys. I've been reading through some of the posts here and have seen some good, sensible advice given by people who really seem to care or have experienced similar things. I would be very grateful for any advice, as even though I'm sure it's untrue, I feel like no one else understands quite what I'm going through. I will try to keep this as short as I can: I met my partner in the UK, where I live. She is an Australian nationalised citizen, but was living in the UK since her early teens. I met her when we were both still at Uni (I was 26, she was 29) and we both fell instantly and intensely in love. When we first got together, she warned me that she had already made plans to move back to Oz in a years' time and that she wasn't looking for a relationship. But, we couldn't help how we felt about each other. She had never felt like this about anyone before. I had been in love before, but not on this scale. As things progressed, we knew we wanted to be with each other. She left for Australia and I joined her 3 months later on a Working Holiday Visa, with a view of us applying for a De Facto spouse visa. I left behind my beloved friends and family, but I had to give it a chance. Things were hard to adjust to out there, but we loved each other more than ever and I moved in with her as planned. She had already established a career job, but I was left looking for work on a very restrictive Visa. We had ups and downs but knew how much we loved each other and wanted to make it work. Eventually, she got a mortgage on a house and we moved in. Eventually, after one and a half years in Australia (making it two and a half years together), we had almost everything together for the De Facto visa. But I was struggling, and had been for a long time. I became very depressed, could not find stable work, and was not connecting with Australia. Eventually, I had to make the horrendous decision of going back to the UK. So, as it stands, we both still have an immensely strong attraction to each other and still love each other as much as ever, but I'm back in the UK and she is staying in Oz. (her two sisters live there too, and her parents are moving out within the next year or so) I do recognize that there really was no other decision that could have been made, I needed support from friends and family back home etc, but I'm really struggling because we're both still in love. Know I don't know what to do. Should I really have to get over her? Maybe after a year or so (planning to do a Masters back here in the UK) I'll have more oppurtunities to find work back over there, and we could try again. But then, would I still have the same problems? I do think the stress of no work was a major factor out there. But, am I clinging to false hope? I just find it so hard to accept. We didn't fall out, we still talk on Skype, and we miss and love each other. We had something very special, a deep connection emotionally and physically, and we were very well balanced. (lots of similar interests, but enough differences in character to balance each other out) I'm utterly lost and don't know what to do for the best, for both of us. I'm sorry, this has been a bit of an essay. If you've had the patience to read this, and can offer any opinions or advice, I would be truly grateful. Thank you.
offset_man Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 follow your heart Man. There may only be one great love in your life an don't let it get away. Go for it.
Author fissionchips Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 Mate, I wish it was that simple, I really do. Although she tells me she loves me and always will, she also tells me she doesn't see how we could ever make it work. A LDR would be unfair on us both. She's determined to stay over there (I wouldn't dream of coercing her into coming back, no matter how badly I'd actually want her too) and she's made herself so busy that she's managing to get on with things. But I'm struggling and I feel left behind - I'm in a limbo where I'm trying to re-establish my life back here, but nothing is grounded. I've lost the girl I desperately love, I'm staying at my sisters while I look for a house to rent out with a friend, and I'm now struggling to find work back here, too. I don't whether it's just total denial, or I'm just scared of having to move on and dealing with life on my own, but I feel like I'm letting something die. Doesn't feel right. I can't stand the thought of losing what we had because we were so good together, but our situation made it impossible. So here's the problem: we're still in contact quite a lot. On my part, I don't want to close the door on communication in case maybe a year or two down the line, we'll figure out a way to be together again. Is that false hope? Or is that just not giving up? I just don't know. I'm so confused and I miss her so much.
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