Author Eleventy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Eleventy, if you're who I think you are, obsessing over minor details isn't worth the grief. There are way more important things to worry about. What do you mean? What WOULD be worth the grief? What would be worth worrying about? Am I throwing away something good by getting riled up over something largely unimportant?
dreamergrl Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 What do you mean? What WOULD be worth the grief? What would be worth worrying about? Am I throwing away something good by getting riled up over something largely unimportant? Seriously - I think you should let her go. You can't let the math problem go. You said you correct her all the time. Move on.
Author Eleventy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Have any of you ever overlooked a flaw that you felt was an indicator of something important? Did it ever come back to bite you in some way or did other things make up for it?
bean1 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 You called this girl your girlfriend in another thread. Now you state that you lose respect for unintelligent girls and feel disgusted. That is a pretty awful thing to say about your girlfriend. When you are an adult male and you are dating teen girls, you are going to have to expect some sort of disconnect. Teen girls think looking dumb makes them "cute". Girls in college generally have moved beyond that. You got what you ordered.
dreamergrl Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Have any of you ever overlooked a flaw that you felt was an indicator of something important? Did it ever come back to bite you in some way or did other things make up for it? Yes, and it taught me to be more open minded, which gave me the opportunity to meet more people.
Taramere Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 As for the "leaning for support" issue, that depends: Am I actually overreacting? Or is the inability to do basic math as a high school senior a pretty big red flag worth examining more critically? I've encountered a lot of people who seem to have a problem with basic arithmetic, but manage pretty well in life generally. You only really notice on certain occasions - for instance if a few of you are eating, the bill gets divvied up and you find out that some people aren't able to divide, subtract etc without the aid of a calculator. I've been surprised on a few occasions by people who are very successful in business, but who aren't too sharp when it comes to what seem like very basic skills. So I'm not convinced that you can gauge much, from mathematical/arithmetical ability, about a person's overall life and coping skills. And, sure, intelligence is important to me, but I don't want to feel *disgusted*, if that makes sense. We have fun conversations. It's not like I am after someone with whom I can debate random authors or politics with or whatever. I just worry that the inability to do simple calculations would have more serious implications down the road (say, money or time and the inability to really make sense of magnitudes or differentials). How serious a concern is that, in respect of a 17 year old girl? Are you thinking in terms of the two of you having a long term future together? My brother was not. However, he'd always get away with his own errors and flunk school, and yet my parents were much harder on me simply because I used the computer too much. They didn't care what I could accomplish. I don't know if this is relevant at all, but it's a good summary of "punishment reaction" with respect to my interaction with my parents. Yes, that seems unfair. That your parents were fine with your brother slacking off, but nagged you for using the computer/showed a lack of interest in your accomplishments. Do you think there would be any link between that, and your irritation towards people who seem academically lazy....or does that seem like a separate issue altogether?
dreamergrl Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 You called this girl your girlfriend in another thread. Now you state that you lose respect for unintelligent girls and feel disgusted. That is a pretty awful thing to say about your girlfriend. When you are an adult male and you are dating teen girls, you are going to have to expect some sort of disconnect. Teen girls think looking dumb makes them "cute". Girls in college generally have moved beyond that. You got what you ordered. That's exactly what I was trying to get at before...
Author Eleventy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Taramere: Agreed on the gauging. While one point doesn't equal a trend it's just that I'm combining various things together here ("your," the math problem, etc) and worrying, perhaps needlessly. In terms of those issues, they're always a concern for me. I don't like the idea of dating anyone unless I can see something long term down the road. No real particular reason for it -- it's just a preference. Otherwise I feel like "casually dating" for the sake of dating isn't worth the effort (although it does have its merits). It could be linked, but I don't really know for certain. Even if they were linked, how would I reconcile that notion?
dreamergrl Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 It could be linked, but I don't really know for certain. Even if they were linked, how would I reconcile that notion? Learn to love, respect, and accept one for who they are. I think you have a hard time doing that because you're brother was treated that way, while you weren't. I bet it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. I also wonder, since you lack the capacity to love, respect, and accept others for who they are, if maybe you don't fully love, respect, and accept yourself.
Lizzie60 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I only read the OP.... Nothing wrong with NOT wanting unintelligent people.. Although I don't lose respect or I will never be rude and nasty to an unintelligent men... I just don't have any interest in him/them..
Author Eleventy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 You know, that makes a lot of sense, actually. Growing up, my parents never really praised me or anything. I'd do everything "right" and yet get harsher punishments than my brother who did absolutely nothing. I'd see other parents praise their kids for certain things and wonder why my parents didn't care if I was consistently able to do better. Maybe this has made me too critical of others? "Nothing is ever good enough to warrant a response" sort of mentality? I don't know. Lizzie60: I actually have not been rude to her at all, just a bit shorter with my responses than usual.
dreamergrl Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 You know, that makes a lot of sense, actually. Growing up, my parents never really praised me or anything. I'd do everything "right" and yet get harsher punishments than my brother who did absolutely nothing. I'd see other parents praise their kids for certain things and wonder why my parents didn't care if I was consistently able to do better. Maybe this has made me too critical of others? "Nothing is ever good enough to warrant a response" sort of mentality? I don't know. Lizzie60: I actually have not been rude to her at all, just a bit shorter with my responses than usual. Yeah, well, I suck at algebra, so what do I know.. :lmao:
Taramere Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 In terms of those issues, they're always a concern for me. I don't like the idea of dating anyone unless I can see something long term down the road. No real particular reason for it -- it's just a preference. Otherwise I feel like "casually dating" for the sake of dating isn't worth the effort (although it does have its merits). Fair enough It could be linked, but I don't really know for certain. Even if they were linked, how would I reconcile that notion? Well, I find it helpful (when I know or suspect I'm judging someone quite harshly) to think about whether something about them, or the situation, triggers something personal in me. If I'm pretty sure that it does, then that helps me to have a more measured response to them. If your girlfriend is a bit of a dunce, academically - and to an extent that's going to present her with various problems in her everyday life - then that's clearly a concern for you. Especially as you're looking at this as a potential long term relationship rather than simply some short term fun. If it's more that she likes to play dumb to be cute, and this is very irritating for you, then that would sound like more of a temperamental clash. Two people who just aren't suited, and who might make eachother feel unnecessarily crap about themselves if they start trying to make a long term relationship of things. That's what I'm trying to get at when I say figure out what your own personal issues here are. Because if you don't, then it's easy to go down that path of catastrophising other people's flaws or weaknesses in a way that could end up being disproportionate and ultimately quite destructive to them.
Author Eleventy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 If she's playing dumb, I can live with that. She'll grow out of it. Her other traits would make me willing to wait that out. However: "If your girlfriend is a bit of a dunce, academically - and to an extent that's going to present her with various problems in her everyday life - then that's clearly a concern for you. Especially as you're looking at this as a potential long term relationship rather than simply some short term fun." This is what I worry about. Thing is, even if these concerns existed, I don't know if I could bring myself to reject someone like this. We care for each other a lot, and I think it would devastate her if I simply dumped because "she wasn't smart enough," and it would make me feel like a complete tool, basically. She's one of the sweetest girls I've ever met, but I feel like there's a certain element of high-variance here and I'm not quite sure if I should just overlook it or not. I think the rational thing to do, in any case, would be to let it slide for now and only start worrying if it comes up more frequently. But then it would mean learning to live with certain pet peeves, which I suppose I am bad at doing.
bean1 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I think it would devastate her if I simply dumped because "she wasn't smart enough," . She's 17. She would get over it pretty quick
butcher's hook Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I think the rational thing to do, in any case, would be to let it slide for now and only start worrying if it comes up more frequently. But then it would mean learning to live with certain pet peeves, which I suppose I am bad at doing. That seems like the most logical thing to do. If the good outweighs the bad, which it seems like it does at this point, one month is hardly long enough to cast her with a wide brush. Acceptance is a strong virtue to posses especially when it comes to being able to pair that with looking at the bigger picture.
torranceshipman Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Based just on your original post (sorry, I didn't read the whole thread)...I generally like your attitude. It's quite refreshing.
dreamergrl Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 She's 17. She would get over it pretty quick 100% Agreed
way_2_tired Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I tutored in intro to college algebra and college algebra for a year. I also, back in the day, did some tutoring while in high school. Some people just really suck at math. Some of medical school classmates, brilliant in several fields, struggle with simple math. Some people just suck at math. I've seen many very intelligent people who just struggle with this one field. One of my relatives who has a very high paying job requiring a fair amount of intelligence can not average 3 numbers. I'm fairly skilled at all cores subjects. However, I have my weaknesses too. Some of my more artistically inclinded friends can't fathom how I struggle to match my clothing sometimes. haha. I've learned never to take weakness in one area or even a few as a sign of low intelligence.
clv0116 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I've learned never to take weakness in one area or even a few as a sign of low intelligence. Truer words never spoken. Plus some girls think guys believe dumb is sexy.
stace79 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I am 22 years old. Hahaha -- what the heck are you dating a 17-year-old then??? That could be your problem.
butcher's hook Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Truer words never spoken. I second that thought! Very insightful post Way_2_tired!
Author Eleventy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Let me ask you guys, then, what you would consider to be "unintelligent" if the examples I've posed in this thread are not good indicators?
Taramere Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Let me ask you guys, then, what you would consider to be "unintelligent" if the examples I've posed in this thread are not good indicators? When the person I'm talking to announces the patently obvious, or paraphrases something I've said, then follows it up with the words "think about it...." That's when it's time to mentally check out before I turn into a fire and splinters spitting harpy. I used to work with teenagers, and that was the pet phrase of one of the stupidest children I ever worked with. "THINK ABOUT IT, TARAMERE....THINK ABOUT IT." Grrrrr.
EddieN Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I feel exactly the same way as the OP. One time I was out with this really pretty and nice girl and I asked her about her heritage. She then asked me and I told her that my dad came from Iran. She then said, "I've always wondered, where is Iran?" "Where is it? Well...the easten part of the Middle East, just east of Iraq." "Yeah, but I meant like WHERE is it?" I started to get a bit confused. I responded, "I'm not sure what you mean." Then she said, "It's like in Europe, right?" She said a number of other things that day that turned me off. Look, I don't need a girl to be super smart, but knowing what CONTINENT a big country that's always in the news is in is common sense. If you don't know something as simple as that, that tells me that you're either a) living in a bubble, b) mentally retarded, or c) just too lazy to learn. So I feel the same way as the OP. I've gotta be a bit attracted to a girl, but she also needs to have something good inside her noggin for me to stay attracted. After I find out a girl isn't bright, I just can't be physically attracted to her anymore.
Recommended Posts