Dexter Morgan Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 So let him go. Let him find himself or another woman who would take care of him. I could not imagine taking vows with a woman I love, standing beside her with something horrible that has happened to them.....and then taking the insensitive view as if they are some sort of helpless piece of sh#t as you have done with this comment. VW, no matter what you do, I hope at the very least, you don't have this condescending and horrible view of your husband as tami does.
Reggie Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I doubt we are getting an accurate portrayal of the husband. Sounds like the standard WS description of the BS whose "deficiencies" made the WS cheat. We are talking a serial cheater here. What's the likelihood her description is accurate with that type of character?
Dexter Morgan Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I doubt we are getting an accurate portrayal of the husband. Sounds like the standard WS description of the BS whose "deficiencies" made the WS cheat. We are talking a serial cheater here. What's the likelihood her description is accurate with that type of character? thats just it, she isn't painting him as a guy that doesn't stand by her, is a jerk or anything like that. she says he is a sweet and caring mate and her best friend. Besides standing beside him while he battled alcoholism, as any spouse should as long as they are fighting it with every fiber of their being, isn't to say that her husband wouldn't do the same for her. that was just a WS defending assumption made by someone else in this thread. And to VW's credit, she isn't blaming what she did on any of his "deficiencies", and I'd hope she wasn't that horrible of a person to blame someone being sick for their choice to boff other people.
boldjack Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 VW, I have sympathy for your H and to a lesser degree for you. Your situation sucks pretty bad, but your "methods" of handling it, have only made it worse. Besides all of your H's health problems, besides the other marital problems you have, your absolute lack of personal integrity, means that even if you do divorce, the next relationship will be a repeat. Every excuse you make, every lie you tell, every time you cheat, will make it infinitely more difficult for you to either repair your marriage or consumate a new love. You need, for your sake as well as your husband's, to tell him ALL. Everything. You cannot make honest decisions, based upon dishonest actions. You are not a horrible person, you are a completely dishonest one.
tami-chan Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 first explain what the purpose is of bashing a man that moved with his wife so she could pursue her career, is sick, and is being cheated on. first, it was not directed at YOU, so I do not need to explain anything to YOU. Your post was directed at ME. I do not need any explanation from you, though (er....rhetorical question, duh!) because I already know why you pointed it out ! She said he is a sweet and caring mate for her and is really her best friend. He had a problem with alcohol that she said he kicked. When someone has a problem, they need help...not to be seen as some piece of sh#t from people like you that doesn't deserve the support from the person they made their vows to.I am sure he is "sweet and caring"...otherwise what else is there for OP to love about. His problem with alcohol ( 3 episodes, was it?) was recurring. If he didn't have this HCV thing , he will probably relapse. This is also a man, who has not held a job long enough to take care of himself or his wife or his son. And where do you get that he wouldn't be there for her and wouldn't take care of her if she needed? How is he going to do that? Pray tell.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 first, it was not directed at YOU, so I do not need to explain anything to YOU. Your post was directed at ME. I do not need any explanation from you, though (er....rhetorical question, duh!) because I already know why you pointed it out ! nice sidestep of the question. I wouldn't want to answer it either if I were you. bottom line you saw it fit to smear a man who was cheated on, sick, beaten down, ...etc. I am sure he is "sweet and caring"...otherwise what else is there for OP to love about. His problem with alcohol ( 3 episodes, was it?) was recurring. If he didn't have this HCV thing , he will probably relapse. This is also a man, who has not held a job long enough to take care of himself or his wife or his son. I believe once he kicked his habit he did just fine, this is what she said: "After conquering the alcoholism and keeping a job (this was not his norm), Terry seemed to be doing ok. His self-confidence was up again. He is 17 years my senior, so health issues were bound to come up. He had some problems with kidney stones. No biggie. Then about 2 years ago, he went in for a routine checkup. He was diagnosed with Hep-C" Looks like the the sickness was what put a knot in it. You act like he is some piece of sh#t. Excuse the hell out of him for battling a disease and an addiction. He kicked the habit, was on his way to doing well until the Hep-C hit him. but hey, he is a piece of sh#t, right? he deserved what VW dealt him. How is he going to do that? Pray tell. hes having a rough go of it, he isn't completely helpless. He can stand by her if ever a time of need came in. But you act like even if he couldn't that he is a piece of sh#t, even if being sick is the reason. you are despicable tami, no question about it.
tami-chan Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 nice sidestep of the question. I wouldn't want to answer it either if I were you. Nope, no sidestep. Just don't feel like it, because you only asked so you can use the answer against me...., tsk, tsk, you know how very manipulative you can get...c'mon.. bottom line you saw it fit to smear a man who was cheated on, sick, beaten down, ...etc. How did I smear him? I believe once he kicked his habit he did just fine, this is what she said: Looks like the the sickness was what put a knot in it. You act like he is some piece of sh#t. Nah, not a POS. Just some guy who made choices in his life , over and over again and who is now reaping the consequences of those choices. But he has to drag his younger wife with him because of it. Excuse the hell out of him for battling a disease and an addiction. He kicked the habit, was on his way to doing well until the Hep-C hit him. At a later age, he was FINALLY able to hold a job down...too bad his choices caught up with him, huh? Not to worry, he has a wife who would rather live an "immoral" life than leave him to fend for himself. but hey, he is a piece of sh#t, right? he deserved what VW dealt him. I don't know what he deserves. I don't get to make that call. That would be something YOU believe you can make calls on....but not me. All I know is that VW has spent many, many years enabling this guy and taking emotional abuse from this guy and it is time for her to let him go or for him to let her go (if he loves her enough, that is and stop mooching off her)....ok, maybe, not divorce him because he needs HER medical insurance and he needs HER to take care of the son, he just recently developed a relationship with ( thanks to HER). hes having a rough go of it, he isn't completely helpless. He can stand by her if ever a time of need came in. Well, if he isn't completely helpless, he needs to get his own life in order. But you act like even if he couldn't that he is a piece of sh#t, even if being sick is the reason. Being sick is NOT the reason. He has always been a moocher. So, he had moments of clarity and took responsibility.....oooppps, too late, now he has HCV. you are despicable tami, no question about it. The feeling is mutual.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Nope, no sidestep. Just don't feel like it, because you only asked so you can use the answer against me 1) that is exactly what a sidestep is 2) of course it can be used against you...it was a despicable, and insenstive take on a man that is sick and was battling alcoholism. How did I smear him? by smugly and sarcastically saying she should leave him SO THAT he can find someone else to take care of him. as if to say, "leave him, you don't have to put up with helping that loser" Nah, not a POS. Just some guy who made choices in his life , over and over again and who is now reaping the consequences of those choices. But he has to drag his younger wife with him because of it. yes, and she stood by him, helped him battle his alcoholism, and he beat it. that was 8 years ago, and now you act like he is trash because he is sick. yes...he was an alcoholic, and now he has severe health problems because of it....I don't expect sympathy from you, but to act like he deserves it?? despicable and insensitive. At least his cheating wife has alot more compassion for someone who is in pain that you do. At a later age, he was FINALLY able to hold a job down...too bad his choices caught up with him, huh? yup, he deserves his disease doesn't he? you are a despicable woman. I don't know what he deserves. I don't get to make that call. you just did above...."too bad his choices caught up with him, huh?"...that was a nose-thumbing, sucks to be you, comment. I feel for the man. he is in pain...forget the fact his wife cheated...the man has a disease...and all you can do is poke sh#t at it. I'm not surprised really coming from you. All I know is that VW has spent many, many years enabling this guy and taking emotional abuse from this guy what emotional abuse are you talking about? do you and her have private conversations? did she tell you in a PM that he calls her all sorts of vulgar names? come one, give us something tangible here, otherwise you are talking out of your ass. and it is time for her to let him go or for him to let her go (if he loves her enough, that is and stop mooching off her) yes, it is time for her to let him go. as far as mooching...you just called all the women who don't work because their husband does...moochers. ok for a woman not to work, but when a man doesn't......differenet story isnt it? ....ok, maybe, not divorce him because he needs HER medical insurance and he needs HER to take care of the son he'll get care, nobody would let him die. and she doesn't need to be married to him to take care of her son. how is staying married to him taking care of her son? Well, if he isn't completely helpless, he needs to get his own life in order. I agree. he was ready to leave her, he still can. Then she can have sex with whoever she wants. bah, she'll do that anyway, so he might as well be rid of it all. Being sick is NOT the reason. He has always been a moocher. how do you know? please elaborate. The feeling is mutual. I'm not the one that tears down people that are sick and in physical pain. but coming from someone like you who has the scruples of a rattle snake, I take that as a compliment.
tami-chan Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 1) that is exactly what a sidestep is 2) of course it can be used against you...it was a despicable, and insenstive take on a man that is sick and was battling alcoholism. Oh..lol..this coming from a a"sensitive guy... by smugly and sarcastically saying she should leave him SO THAT he can find someone else to take care of him. as if to say, "leave him, you don't have to put up with helping that loser"Wasnt that what you advised her to do? Let's see...I think you said this...hmmm:: So you have already hurt him enough, and although he won't realize it now, but your husband will be WAY better off in future if you were out of his life. So you think you are in love with this other man. Then divorce your husband, it will hurt him initially, but he will be hurt FAR worse if he stays with you in the long run, because you are a serial cheater and you aren't going to stop. So set your husband free from you. It will hurt him, but in the long run, he will realize that its the best thing for him. Oh I get it, you want me to fawn and pity the H....Why should I? he is not helpless, remember? but to act like he deserves it??I don't think or know if he deserves it. I do not have that kind of mindset. You are assigning something to me that YOU do routinely....If it were the OP who ended up with HCV Im pretty sure, you would think she deserved it...if you are honest about it At least his cheating wife has alot more compassion for someone who is in pain that you do.At least? sheesh... the woman is an angel, compared to her husband! what emotional abuse are you talking about? do you and her have private conversations? did she tell you in a PM that he calls her all sorts of vulgar names? come one, give us something tangible here, otherwise you are talking out of your ass.LOL...calm down Dexter Morgan, old age has a funny way of affecting older people ! Let see: 1)She had to "carry him" through his detox 3 times....must have been fun for her emotionally, you think? 2) he could not hold a job...wow, no emotional effect on her, I am sure ... 3) he was not interested on whether she was happy in the marriage or fulfilled. She was so content and fulfilled in their intimacy-challenged married life, that her emotional well-being must have scored a 100 in the emotional well being scorecard! yes, it is time for her to let him go. as far as mooching...you just called all the women who don't work because their husband does...moochers. ok for a woman not to work, but when a man doesn't......differenet story isnt it?Yes, women who are capable and have time and the ability to work and do not have kids but choose to stay home are moochers in my world! It's different when one has kids....that in itself is a full-time job. I believe, OP and husband do not have kids....He has a son, that he recently reconcile with. he'll get care, nobody would let him die. and she doesn't need to be married to him to take care of her son.I'm sure without medical insurance he will get better care...your talking about Medicaid, right? Maybe he should insist on staying in the marriage and wait for Obama's universal health care. how is staying married to him taking care of her son?ahm...huh? I'm not the one that tears down people that are sick and in physical pain.Are you sure about that? Because I am pretty sure you have been called out on tearing people down....oh they weren't sick? yes, of course you know their state of being...so that made it ok... but coming from someone like you who has the scruples of a rattle snake, I take that as a compliment.lol...Dexter Morgan, you are hurting my feelings....c'mon don't say those things-you are a meanie... Anyway, that's two for two, Dexter Morgan! The feeling is mutual~!
RunawayTrain Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I simply cannot fathom how serial cheaters who betrayed their spouse no matter what the circumstances were have the audacity to post advice in a thread just like this. That is like a serial killer seeking advice from Ted Bundy if he should turn himself into the police for the crimes he commited.
Author viennawaits Posted June 27, 2009 Author Posted June 27, 2009 I am so happy that some of you seem to know me so well. Serial cheater. My whole life boils down to that. I should just stop trying to do anything good with my life right now, cause you've got me pegged. The son is not mine, he is a grown son from my husband's first marriage. I do not excuse anything that has happened because of my husband's past problems or his disease, but the bottom line is that I am not in love with him, but care for him deeply and won't simply screw him in the process. Those of you bashing me on this post (and this will be my last) seriously need to look at anger issues. I know my issues, and I will deal with them. If you feel this way about someone you've never met, I can't imagine how you behave in your own relationships. Off to make my decisions and do the right thing. Finally. Thanks for nothing. Oh, and thanks to all of you that actually gave me so much constructive information. It is appreciated.
boldjack Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 VW, Whatever you do, be honest. It will improve your situation dramatically. I wish you the best of luck........Jack
sugarmomma Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 There is this section in the vows that says "in sickness and in health". Oh well, people have no idea these days what a marriage should be like. So easy to just say "eff it". I think you should divorce your husband and maybe should have never married him in the first place. The fact that you married a practicing alcoholic says a lot. You are codependent and you have admitted that. Know that most codependents are also relationship addicts and use relationships to avoid the pain of being alone with themselves. They use relationships as a buffer to reality. This other r probably won't work out becuae of your unresolved issues. There is a excellent pamphlet on codependence called "peeling the onion" and I think it would really help you. You may also want to seek some IC. I wish you the best and it would be nice to be faithful and take care of your sick husband like you promised to but that is not who you are. I know how hard it is to love an alcoholic but remember, there are no victims, only volunteers.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Regardless of him being acholoic that does not excuse her multiple affairs. She can't blame him for her actions. And yes she is a serial cheater!!!!!!!! Yes YOU are! viennawaits. The fact of the matter is you just wanted out of your marriage the entire time, and like a coward didn't know how to tell him so you sabotaged it whether intentionally or unintentional I don't know, don't really care at this point. But it's women like this that makes my skin crawl, those with little to no remorse for their actions and how their selfish decisions affects others. I bet if she came here crying she caught aids or HIV from this new guy alot of people would be feeling sympathetic to her. but you know what the dangers are real. and it's out there. And truthfully I think she should be with this OM. Go ahead be with your soulmate who you only knew for like what 2 weeks. lol. Yeah it'll work. Bottom line is maybe , just maybe the husband is better off and he should have packed his bags and dropped her soon as he found out. He needed to have more resolve. Good riddance, you got issues lady I mean serious issues and running away isnt gonna solve them unless you man the hell up and solve them on your own and not on your back with your head in the clouds.
jmargel Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I am so happy that some of you seem to know me so well. Serial cheater. My whole life boils down to that. I should just stop trying to do anything good with my life right now, cause you've got me pegged. The son is not mine, he is a grown son from my husband's first marriage. I do not excuse anything that has happened because of my husband's past problems or his disease, but the bottom line is that I am not in love with him, but care for him deeply and won't simply screw him in the process. Those of you bashing me on this post (and this will be my last) seriously need to look at anger issues. I know my issues, and I will deal with them. If you feel this way about someone you've never met, I can't imagine how you behave in your own relationships. Off to make my decisions and do the right thing. Finally. Thanks for nothing. Oh, and thanks to all of you that actually gave me so much constructive information. It is appreciated. It's sad that Dexter had to hijack your thread to get his own anger issues out. I stopped reading his response after the first one, because I know what it was going to be about. Vienna, you do have some decisions to make but you don't have to be alone in making them. Counseling will help you alot in this process. It's good that you shown responsibility and told your husband about the affair. An affair doesn't make you a bad person (i'm not condoning it either) so all the bashing on here from others is uncalled for. It doesn't accomplish anything. You also have to be aware of not putting your own self-worth into this whole situation, as in this affair that you had does not define you as a person. I hope you still post on here so that others can learn from your experience, that's what this board is for. For the ones who do the bashing on here please find another board or find therapy for the issues you are dealing with.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Wasnt that what you advised her to do? Let's see...I think you said this...hmmm:: yes, its what I advised her to do....but not because he is a piece of crap that needs to be taken care of by someone as you would suggest. I advise that she leave him because she isn't going to be true to him.....not because he is human waste that needs taking care of. Oh I get it, you want me to fawn and pity the H....Why should I? he is not helpless, remember? no, not pity him....but not look down upon him as some insignificant that deserves what he is getting, whether it be his disease or being cheated on. I don't think or know if he deserves it. I do not have that kind of mindset. yes, you do. You are assigning something to me that YOU do routinely....If it were the OP who ended up with HCV Im pretty sure, you would think she deserved it...if you are honest about it never would I suggest a disease is something someone deserves....repercussions and consequences to ones actions...yes....a disease....no. So congratulations in making light and bashing a man that has HCV. At least? sheesh... the woman is an angel, compared to her husband! yes, to you...someone who has slept with someone elses husband. Let see: 1)She had to "carry him" through his detox 3 times....must have been fun for her emotionally, you think? 2) he could not hold a job...wow, no emotional effect on her, I am sure ... 3) he was not interested on whether she was happy in the marriage or fulfilled. She was so content and fulfilled in their intimacy-challenged married life, that her emotional well-being must have scored a 100 in the emotional well being scorecard! Now you are just outright ridiculous. THIS is your response above to my question of how was he mentally abusing her???? The things you listed can be mentally exhausting...but it isn't abuse. Get a freakin' clue. Those aren't things he did to her on purpose. it was what it was. But wasn't mental abuse. now if you want to bring some facts to the table here and ask VW what he did to mentally abuse her...then have at it. But I see nothing that she wrote that suggests anything of the sort. Are you sure about that? Because I am pretty sure you have been called out on tearing people down....oh they weren't sick? thats right....they weren't. I'm not going to "tear" anyone down that has fallen on those hard times. But when someone hurts and betrays people, its a much different story. You bet I'll call them on it.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 It's sad that Dexter had to hijack your thread to get his own anger issues out. I stopped reading his response after the first one, because I know what it was going to be about. then maybe you should read the first post again, cuz it was clear I advised her to leave her husband since she clearly cannot be faithful. oh, but that wasn't the advice she apparantly wanted to hear? You also have to be aware of not putting your own self-worth into this whole situation, as in this affair that you had does not define you as a person. hmmm...maybe one affair doesn't, but its a little different. She has cheated multiple times. So I'll say again, if she can't stay faithful, why won't she free him? Oh yes...I know.......the medical insurance. Thats not an argument. He will get the care he needs. There are places that won't turn him away and some places that can't. But maybe there is something more here? He could get alimony out of this...he could get a chunk of her retirement out of this...also he is entitled to half the marital assets. Could all of THAT be the real reason she doesn't want to leave? Because he'll be fine from a medical standpoint, the liberal programs will cover him there.
tami-chan Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 yes, its what I advised her to do....but not because he is a piece of crap that needs to be taken care of by someone as you would suggest. I advise that she leave him because she isn't going to be true to him.....not because he is human waste that needs taking care of. I see....and the bottomline between your advise and mine are different????? Black and white, Dexter Morgan. no, not pity him....but not look down upon him as some insignificant that deserves what he is getting, whether it be his disease or being cheated on.Oh stop your double standard. You know as well I as I do, that if he was a cheater who contracted a deadly STD your heart will not even skip a beat saying "the sucker deserved it"....stop...you are just laughable now:lmao:. The sanctimony is just too much. never would I suggest a disease is something someone deserves....repercussions and consequences to ones actions...yes....a disease....no.Nobody deserves it...but it IS a consequence of his action. yes, to you...someone who has slept with someone elses husband.Ouch, that hurt because xOM's wife cared. The things you listed can be mentally exhausting...but it isn't abuse. Get a freakin' clue. Those aren't things he did to her on purpose. it was what it was. But wasn't mental abuse. Ridiculous, eh? Say that to the thousands of family who have to go through similar stuff...well..all those sleepless night and not being able to eat because of worry,the sadness, the constant vigilance of where he is at... well...it's JUST mental exhaustion. Just sleep it off... thats right....they weren't. I'm not going to "tear" anyone down that has fallen on those hard times.hmm..I don't know, Dexter Morgan...I find that very difficult to believe...but whatever... You bet I'll call them on it.No bet, I will lose. As a matter of fact, you do not only call them on it, you call and trash them on it...
jmargel Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Dexter, no reason to hijack her thread. You have more posts on here than she does. She was asking what everyone's thoughts were on why she did this, to help her understand the reason. She didn't ask to be bashed and put down and told what she should do in regards to the marriage.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Oh stop your double standard. You know as well I as I do, that if he was a cheater who contracted a deadly STD your heart will not even skip a beat saying "the sucker deserved it"....stop...you are just laughable now:lmao:. The sanctimony is just too much. wrong...if he was a cheater, he'd deserved to get dumped on his ass......not come down with a disease. nice try. Nobody deserves it...but it IS a consequence of his action. I agree with both comments. But the way you posted, it was lacking compassion for someone that has a disease and wrote it in a way that says, "he deserved what he got". Ridiculous, eh? Say that to the thousands of family who have to go through similar stuff...well..all those sleepless night and not being able to eat because of worry,the sadness, the constant vigilance of where he is at... well...it's JUST mental exhaustion. Just sleep it off... yes...ridiculous...you didn't read what I said did you? it is NOT mental "abuse". It is mentally draining sure, but it isn't abuse. Abuse is when someone purposely inflicts mental pain on someone. again...I understand VW may be mentally exhausted by taking care of her H....but it isn't mental abuse.....nice try again. Why don't we ask VW....what has your H done to mentally abuse you? What has this sweet and caring man, as you would say, done to go out of his way to hurt you intentionally with tami's alleged mental abuse?
Dexter Morgan Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Dexter, no reason to hijack her thread. You have more posts on here than she does. She was asking what everyone's thoughts were on why she did this, to help her understand the reason. She didn't ask to be bashed and put down and told what she should do in regards to the marriage. actually, if you might read some of my replies to tami, i am giving VW some benefit of the doubt. I actually commend her in her attitude, aside from the cheating, towards her husband. She certainly has more compassion for her husband and what he is going through than whats her diddle does.
Author viennawaits Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 I had to come back to read the reactions, as I seem to have definitely pushed some buttons here. For those of you that actually expressed concern, this is what has been going on. I have been staying away from OM and trying to piece things back together with my husband. He has been rightly distraught, and is drinking again. I cannot tell you how sad I am right now. He has told me that he will leave in about 2 months (his son and sister are scheduled for a visit in September). He has also told me that he plans to make sure and drink enough to shorten his life considerably now that he has decided that it is over. I am not sure what exactly emotional abuse looks like, I only know that I am feeling so badly right now. For anyone that supposes that the money or any of that accumulated during our marriage means a da*m thing to me, you are quite wrong. I am financially independent, and he is also quite capable of supporting himself. What have I said to suggest such rubbish? I am on my way home for 2 weeks for both business and a family visit. I hope I can use this time away from this situation to gain some clarity on how to proceed. Despite what some may think of me here on this forum, I am so sad watching him in self-destruct mode, and I feel helpless to change it. When I return I will look at finding an English speaking therapist here, but for now, the mountains and some fresh air will have to do. I will spend a great deal of my time praying that he does not kill himself before I get back.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I am not sure what exactly emotional abuse looks like cheating is one form of emotional abuse. For anyone that supposes that the money or any of that accumulated during our marriage means a da*m thing to me, you are quite wrong. I am financially independent, and he is also quite capable of supporting himself. What have I said to suggest such rubbish? well what was the "rubbish" about staying married to him so he can have the best health care available if he is quite capable of supporting himself? I am on my way home for 2 weeks for both business and a family visit. I hope I can use this time away from this situation to gain some clarity on how to proceed. Despite what some may think of me here on this forum, I am so sad watching him in self-destruct mode, and I feel helpless to change it. ??? uh, it was your actions that started the timer. if you changed it so that he is in self-destruct mode, you do have the power to change it back.....just depends if you are willing to do what it takes. He'd respond to love, affection, a true and genuine desire by you to want to be with him. But since those don't interest you, then you can't defuse the bomb. he'll have to do it himself. He'll have to leave. Hopefully for his sake he will realize that you are not worth drinking himself to death. When I return I will look at finding an English speaking therapist here, but for now, the mountains and some fresh air will have to do. I will spend a great deal of my time praying that he does not kill himself before I get back. do you wonder what he thinks you will be doing when away from him so long?
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Trust me VA your not worth killing themself over. He's in pain now because you caused it. Just in the end dont blame him, blame yourself. He's better off knowing the truth. Now he can move on. He'll stop drinking on his own those are his demons to bear. Can you face yours???
tami-chan Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 II have been staying away from OM and trying to piece things back together with my husband. He has been rightly distraught, and is drinking again. I cannot tell you how sad I am right now. He has told me that he will leave in about 2 months (his son and sister are scheduled for a visit in September). He has also told me that he plans to make sure and drink enough to shorten his life considerably now that he has decided that it is over. What a stand-up guy. Talk about guilt-tripping. He is trying to hold you hostage by making himself sicker. Why do you want to be with a guy who obviously does not value you nor value himself? He only values what you can do for him and what you mean to him in terms of his needs. You MUST seek psych help in order for you to understand why you are an enabler and have allowed yourself to be used/abused this way. ...and he is also quite capable of supporting himself. What have I said to suggest such rubbish?If he was financially well-off even when he has not held a job long enough (inheritance?) then he must be able to afford his own medical care, right? I will spend a great deal of my time praying that he does not kill himself before I get back.His choices are his choices. It is profoundly sad but he is his own person.
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