ms_thing Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Hi all, I've been officially seeing this man for just over a year, but we were 'friends with benefits' for about 6 months before that. What changed our relationship was that we started going to swingers parties together, and from that point on we became very close. He told me he loved me about 3 months into going, but I've always had this voice in the back of my mind saying 'he only loves you because you're sexually adverturous', and to some extent, I still think this. I love him very much but find it hard to say because I don't truely believe him when he says it. Our relationship did evolve into something less sexually based. We spent a lot of time together laughing, cooking, talking etc, which was nice but more often than not I would find him very self centred and become infuriated with how much he would talk s***t! We see each other about 3 times a week, and go to these 'parties' about once a week, although we havn't been now for about a month, and over the last couple of weeks he has been more distant. The other thing is, he's got some depression issues and is on midication for this. He has a very 'out there' personality and everyone in my life, for example my parents, best friend, sister, work colleagues, think he's very strange and can't see why I'm still with him. I find this so embarrassing when we are out together, so much so I've stopped inviting him to things. He is also incredibly unreliable, often forgetting plans he's made with me, or if he remembers, shows up an hour late. When I read back on what I've just written, it all seems so obvious! Dump his a**! I would just love another perspective, someone who's not involved! Please feel free to give your 2 cents.
Gus Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 When I read back on what I've just written, it all seems so obvious! Dump his a**! I would just love another perspective, someone who's not involved! Please feel free to give your 2 cents. There ya' go - you answered your own question. As I was reading your post, I thought to myself, if only she would go back and read what she just posted and then I got to the bottom and saw that you had.
Author ms_thing Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Very true, thanks for the tough love!
Gus Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Very true, thanks for the tough love! You're welcome. At 52, I've BTDT in most cases so I consider myself almost an expert.
Lyssa Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 You're welcome. At 52, I've BTDT in most cases so I consider myself almost an expert. Damn! I thought you were much younger than 52!
Author ms_thing Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Well, I'm 24 and this is the first time I've had to do this! It's the first time I've cared enough to go through all this crap. It's particularly hard because of his depression, and I don't want to be the one to send him over the edge.
Gus Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Well, I'm 24 and this is the first time I've had to do this! It's the first time I've cared enough to go through all this crap. It's particularly hard because of his depression, and I don't want to be the one to send him over the edge. You won't be the reason he goes over the edge, if indeed he does. There's plenty of meds out there to help w/ depression. He needs a medical professional if he truly wants to get better. My S/O was diagnosed as high funtioning bi-polar due to a severe closed head injury from a motorcycle accident. He was off his meds for many years and got into a lot of trouble when he was younger. When I met him he was off his meds again and he was a mess. We were friends first and when it started getting more serious I told him point blank that his insanity didn't affect me while we were friends but if he wanted a relationship with me he had to see a doctor and get back on meds. It takes time for the doctor to find the right meds and the proper dose and I stood by and supported him thru all of that and he's functioning just fine now. Yes, I gave him an ultimatum, but he made the decision. Had he made the decision to stay off the meds, we wouldn't have ended up in a relationship - life is just too short to be in a relationship that makes you crazy. Call it selfish, but one shouldn't feel responsible for someone else's issues or feel the need to fix that person. We're all adults and we make our own decisions - I'll support someone thru most anything as long as they are making the efforts to fix the issue. If they won't try, then I'm out.
boogieboy Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 As long as you face to face tell him the real reasons that you are dumping him, and dont wuss out by saying "i need a break, im confused, well see in a month" And all that crap. And then dont offer freindship afterwards if he want to hang on, or it will prolong his suffering.
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