LisaUk Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Dream on. thx for checking it out, your opinion, thoughts, etc would be appreciated. Just left you a reply. H&D you are the strongest women I know, I had no idea you were going through this hell!
LisaUk Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Of course, thats actually how the fight where she ended it had started. I had been under a lot of stress. My work had not been going well, my sister is going through a divorce that has been going on over a year with a custody battle, and my friends condition(which I hadn't told my wife about at that point though) are all weighing heavy on my mind. In the mean time, the wife is completely submerged in her work. I reached a point where i needed some attention and support and reached out. I was denied and I rather selfishly let all that stress out and started a fight over how much time we get to spend together. Once I've had my say the reply I received was "I don't think I want to be married anymore" that was in late April, by the end of July we will be over. I always tried to let he rknow if I was unhappy or needed something. It was usually just like this, a little time or attention. I cannot honestly remember her telling me she needed anything from me. I always tried to guess and act accordingly, because asking would start a fight. She didn't like talking about emotions. I guess thats why it is so easy to detach. TOJAZ How can she possibly expect a relationship to work if she won't communicate?! My mum described my ex as a "cold fish" after he left, accurate description of your wife?
TrustInYourself Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Exactly. Why pine for a man or woman who can not communicate? Why put yourself through hell for someone that doesn't care to hear it? I know you "love" them, but eventually when someone destroys your soul enough, you'll get the picture that it's better to move on. The sooner you adjust your perspective, the sooner you can move forward.
Author tojaz Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 The stresses of life can just be too much of a burden for people, so instead of dealing with it and helping those that are suffering, they bail out. They go find "happiness" somewhere or with someone else. Selfishness! My H felt neglected after my teenage daughter had a baby. He felt as though I didn't love him anymore. He is the type of person where all the attention needs to be on him though so what he had said was a load of baloney. Thanks H&D, You always give me a lot to think about. I left a reply on your thread as well, I hope i can help, I'll check back time and again. TOJAZ
Author tojaz Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 How can she possibly expect a relationship to work if she won't communicate?! My mum described my ex as a "cold fish" after he left, accurate description of your wife? Some times, she varies which just adds to the confusion. Sometimes shes quite angry, others cold and detached (cold fish), and sometimes quite warm and understanding (the woman I married). I guess it's the glimpses of the real her that keep me in the fight. I'm not ready to detach and sometimes she dosen't seem all that happy with the decision either. TOJAZ
Author tojaz Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 Exactly. Why pine for a man or woman who can not communicate? Why put yourself through hell for someone that doesn't care to hear it? I know you "love" them, but eventually when someone destroys your soul enough, you'll get the picture that it's better to move on. The sooner you adjust your perspective, the sooner you can move forward. True enough TIY, I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment. My mind says go, but my heart still feels better when she's around. Even when shes like this, which just confuses me more then I can bear. TOJAZ
LisaUk Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Some times, she varies which just adds to the confusion. Sometimes shes quite angry, others cold and detached (cold fish), and sometimes quite warm and understanding (the woman I married). I guess it's the glimpses of the real her that keep me in the fight. I'm not ready to detach and sometimes she dosen't seem all that happy with the decision either. TOJAZ Yes, I know what you mean, mine has given glimpses of his old self as well. Going NC seems at the moment to be helping me detach somewhat, but then that's today, tomorrow could be a different story again!
LisaUk Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Don't know what everyones sense of humour is like but hopefully this will make you all smile for a bit. A seagull came in the kitchen earlier, he was trying to get to my cats food, he got caught red handed and slid and slided across the tiles, like a penguin. Was very comical!
Author tojaz Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 Don't know what everyones sense of humour is like but hopefully this will make you all smile for a bit. A seagull came in the kitchen earlier, he was trying to get to my cats food, he got caught red handed and slid and slided across the tiles, like a penguin. Was very comical! Wheres a camera when you need it. I would have loved to see it.
Author tojaz Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 Yes, I know what you mean, mine has given glimpses of his old self as well. Going NC seems at the moment to be helping me detach somewhat, but then that's today, tomorrow could be a different story again! Yes, kind of makes you wonder if the old self is alive in there just waiting for something to set it free. Thats how I look at it anyways. Dosen't help to detach any, but it's nice to believe. TOJAZ
LisaUk Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Wheres a camera when you need it. I would have loved to see it. The ex got the digital camera! Typical!
Author tojaz Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 The ex got the digital camera! Typical! MEN, you know i hate them. Sorry I mentioned it
LisaUk Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 MEN, you know i hate them. Sorry I mentioned it LOL. I'm more mad he got to keep the house, the furniture, the beautiful garden with the huge lilac tree! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! I'm LIVING in my parents back bedroom, I can barly get down the side of the bed! Sorry rant over, thanks for listening!
LisaUk Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 But, I did get the cat! Well actually he didn't want her either "take the cat, she's your cat anyway really". I'm beginning to see what an A** my ex was! But I do have her, furry little thing that she is!
Author tojaz Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 It might be easier not having the house. I kept the house (she didn't want it) and now everything just reminds me of her. I remember painting the kitchen and picking out furniture. These things are hard to get over. Be thank ful for the cat, a companion is important at a time like this mines on my lap right now. Whats her name??
LisaUk Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 It might be easier not having the house. I kept the house (she didn't want it) and now everything just reminds me of her. I remember painting the kitchen and picking out furniture. These things are hard to get over. Be thank ful for the cat, a companion is important at a time like this mines on my lap right now. Whats her name?? I know, it's just I found that house, i painted that house, I tended the garden. I am grateful for my cat, her name is Sheba. She's 18 years old, but still quite sprightly! i love her to bits.
Author tojaz Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 I know, it's just I found that house, i painted that house, I tended the garden. I am grateful for my cat, her name is Sheba. She's 18 years old, but still quite sprightly! i love her to bits. Well, i kind of hope the wife feels that way. I drove past her new apartment, and all I could think was she deserves better. We have a nice house with a lot of nice things and she gave it up for a dirty apartment and hand me down furniture. I guess all she was looking for was less me. Sheba is a nice name, I had a dog named sheba when I was young.
LisaUk Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Well, I must go to bed, it's 12.30 am here and my parents went up ages ago! Need to look for work tomorrow. Hope your friend is ok, thanks for all the chat tonight. I'll check in again tomo. Night.
LisaUk Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Well, i kind of hope the wife feels that way. I drove past her new apartment, and all I could think was she deserves better. We have a nice house with a lot of nice things and she gave it up for a dirty apartment and hand me down furniture. I guess all she was looking for was less me. Sheba is a nice name, I had a dog named sheba when I was young. madness! I'm kind of worried about derek and broken, they haven't been around for a couple of days? Hopefully they will post while I sleep. Night.
Author tojaz Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 Sorry to keep you up, it's only 6:30 here. The chat helped me a lot thank you. TOJAZ
LisaUk Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Sorry to keep you up, it's only 6:30 here. The chat helped me a lot thank you. TOJAZ You haven't kept me up, I've enjoyed talking to you. Left you a reply on my thread, but I really am going now! Night.
Author tojaz Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I am in a much better place then when I started. I must thank you for that. Sleep well. TOJAZ
MrMayI Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Well, i kind of hope the wife feels that way. I drove past her new apartment, and all I could think was she deserves better. We have a nice house with a lot of nice things and she gave it up for a dirty apartment and hand me down furniture. I guess all she was looking for was less me. Sheba is a nice name, I had a dog named sheba when I was young. here is where i am today. i actually have been in her little dirty house today. i guess it's not dirty, but she's painting walls, putting up curtains, and really making it a "home". it makes me really sad to see it. my daughter doesn't seem to mind it. so that's good.
Derek12b Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 This is where my relationship is headed too. I bet my wife will be getting an apartment soon and she is throwing away all we have. We have a nice house and nice things. Are you still awake?
Gunny376 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 When your going through a separation/divorce it seems as though the "Storms Of Life" come rolling in over one right after the other, and that they're never going to stop. But they do, eventually and time heals all wounds. Years later you run into the X, and you wonder? "What did I ever see in them. You seem to be more than just a 'fair weather friends' to your friends, and once you've become a friend to them they've got a friend for life. The old joke about a friend calling you to help them hide and bury a body, you not only show up, but bring a pick up truck and a couple of shovels! comes to mind. You would be less than a human being let alone a man if you didn't breakdown from time to time. We're talking about more than just the end to a LTR here, we're not just talking about the past and the present, but the promise that the 'future' once held. The death of all those mutual goals, aspirations and dreams that you once shared. As hard as it is to be the one that is left behind, being the one that does the leaving isn't a piece of cake either. As a matter of fact it can be and often is damned hard. That's the reason the one's that walk-a-way, are cold and in-different to the one's they're leaving. The made their minds up for one reason or the other, and they're resolute in doing so. They know that if they allow themselves to be anything other than cold, distant, and in-different that they may cave in to their own self doubts, and second guesses. "TJ" (Tojaz), IMHO opinion you simply lost the 'emotional connection' with the DW and when that's gone its almost impossible to get it back? (Again that's what a lot of NC is about). This is especially true when it comes to and with women. And it doesn't take too much to lose it. A man stats prioritizing work, career, hobbies, etc over the woman and the emotional connection they share together, and he'll find her out the door and gone before you can say don't ''Don't do it" The second variable to the emotional connection equation is that it more time than not? Doesn't take very long before it happens. Hang in there gang! There are going to be some grabbing the rail, and 'white knuckling holding on yet to come (think roller coaster) but it does and will get better.
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