Author tojaz Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 Allies service was last night. That was the hardest thing through all this mess, so many emotions and having to stand in front of a crowd and deliver a speech. I felt like I was going to explode or have a breakdown or something. I was so relieved when it was over and I was able to conduct myself well. I just hope that the bad days will become fewer with this stress off of my shoulders. I am actually looking forward to the divorce being finalized even though I don't want it. Just so it can be over. That goes against every instinct I have, but I just need to find some relief! My b-day was the best day I've had and I'm going to try to do more of that, I just need to stick to it this time keep up the NC and fight the urge to open that damn card but I still can't bring myself to throw it out. I'll just leave it sit. The friend that is staying with me is also the astrology buff, so we did the whole thing online this morning just for giggles. Heres the results for a laugh from those that are interested. A lot of stuff though, but pretty creepy this time around. I really need to stop reading this BS Happy Friday TOJAZ My Chinese zodiac>>There may be a conflict over not having the support of others. (I felt very alone last night)All the same, this is a fortunate day for any business or career decision. Your opinion is valued. Give advice and assistance when asked.(LS) This can open up new opportunities later. Your generosity will be appreciated and remembered. Mine>>Cancer sees opportunity and goes for it like a trout for a shinny lure.(New job) Your ego says indulge while the stars say balance is the only control. Cancer you have to be careful not to get so off course today that it takes more time then the window will be open to get back and try again.(marriage?) Hers>>A new cycle has begun for Virgo with all the hopes, fears and possibilities of something new. The guidance you seek is about which direction to take and where you can find it is in the past. The stars not only shine a light on the path to the future they also reflect on the past (marriage again?) Lisa>>Dearest Libra has once again won the favor of the stars. The price of this is the stars want to sculpt you to serve their own purposes. Sculpting details in your life is a painful process but the outcome can be inspired. There is a price to pay for allowing yourself to be the star's clay. His>>Dear Aries new financial and possibly personal opportunities have come up. You've had a day to mull them over. Sleep on it tonight and make a decision tomorrow. This is a window of opportunity so you don't want to take too much time because windows tend to close quickly. Love compatibility between me and STBX>> This couple glows with a tranquil aura of harmony. Virgoan organizational skills reassure the anxious Crab, whereas the latter brings Virgo love and imagination. The devoted and dutiful Earth sign will never be wicked enough to push Cancer's buttons. The moonchild's moods are tolerated and coaxed back to less slippery terrain with patience and rationality, in the affectionate surroundings the Cancerian craves. Their life is orderly and calm, but never dull. They love each other simply, tenderly, and gracefully. Tarot reading>> Prepare to be hit by love at first sight, mike! The Sun’s brilliant light, in association with Judgment, pierces your two hearts with one arrow. You’ll have some amazing, intense, ecstatic moments; you’ll be on top of the world! Isn’t it wonderful to feel so carefree? On this lucky day, you’re radiant and irresistible! On the work front, there is no doubt that things don’t get much better than this! The Sun and the Chariot invite you to take calculated risks, to come up with new ideas, to show entrepreneurial spirit. All the conditions come together today, to make you successful. Discuss your ideas with people whose opinion you value, get others interested in a new plan, or start on a project that’s been close to your heart for a long time… This is absolutely the ideal day for any such undertaking!
LisaUk Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Hi Tojaz, thank you for my horoscope, not sure what those mean? I think his could be accurate though? I sent yours to you direct.
KellyP Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Hi "TOJAZ" you know who this is. Glad to see your keeping up with the horoscopes. Just wanted to let you know that I stopped bye. Everyone thanks for keeping an eye on him, especially you Lisa, sounds to me that you have been a great help to him, he really needs that right now. :love:KEL
Chubbi Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I'm sorry but Lisa you made me really upset on your first couple of posts. I don't understand how you can say- Tojaz wife didn't tell him she was hurting! Tojaz's wife didn't give him another chance! Like, what the he--? Didn't Tojaz say that he used to insult, demean, and didn't appreciate her work? Do you have any idea how it feels that someone doesn't appreciate you enough? That you do all the housework and someone demeans it like you aren't doing any "real" work? And I'm not talking one time either. I mean for a while in their marriage- again and again. Women remember that stuff and it hurts! That was what brought about the entire feminist movement because people always demean it when women take care of the house and children and say, "Oh, that's nothing. It's not any real work!" so women started pushing to do traditional male jobs so they could gain respect. How can you say, She should have told him she was offended? Like what? How do you NOT know she was offended? You don't have to read someone's mind if you insult or demean their contribution to your family, to your lifestyle, to your marriage to know they are offended. I'm sorry Tojaz, but hearing your wife's side, maybe she is like me and has a ego and a sense of pride, but I would be truly pissed if I felt like I wasn't doing anything, and the little I did do, you didn't appreciate it UNTIL you lost it. That would upset me even more. Everyone likes to feel like they contribute-that they're important, and that doesn't take mind-reading. Your W is clearly into getting right and being healthy, meaning she obviously has a self-esteem and respect from her body and maybe after examining her life, she pinned the reason why she was losing her self, her identity, her worth on you. It's harsh but she may have came to the conclusion that it's you that makes her feel self-hatred. Maybe I'm going to be flamed, but I don't think Tojaz's wife is in the wrong here. Like put yourself in her shoes Lisa before you flame her. Tojaz isn't sparkling innocent here. And honestly, it's her choice if Tojaz deserves another chance. If someone thinks they don't deserve another chance, then they don't! She hasn't cheated, she hasn't been horrible, she just wants out- and that's actually better than a lot of people. This woman knows what makes her happy and she's going for it- she wants her respect back! She shouldn't be flamed for it. I'm just saying lay off on the W- I can understand definitely from where she's coming from. I would hate feeling like a weak, dependent, underappreciated person- that would piss me off to the extreme. Very, very much negative in the love bank.
Dan&Ellen Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 My goodness "TOJAZ", I had no idea this was all going on. It make us appreciate all that you did for Allison all the more. It is so great that you could find a place like this to help you through all the turmoil that is in your life right now. Good things are going to find you through all of this, of that I am sure. Please be well and know that we both are so happy that Allison could have had a friend like you for all those years. God Bless You! Ellen and Dan S.
LisaUk Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 I'm sorry but Lisa you made me really upset on your first couple of posts. I don't understand how you can say- Tojaz wife didn't tell him she was hurting! Tojaz's wife didn't give him another chance! Like, what the he--? Didn't Tojaz say that he used to insult, demean, and didn't appreciate her work? Do you have any idea how it feels that someone doesn't appreciate you enough? That you do all the housework and someone demeans it like you aren't doing any "real" work? And I'm not talking one time either. I mean for a while in their marriage- again and again. Women remember that stuff and it hurts! That was what brought about the entire feminist movement because people always demean it when women take care of the house and children and say, "Oh, that's nothing. It's not any real work!" so women started pushing to do traditional male jobs so they could gain respect. How can you say, She should have told him she was offended? Like what? How do you NOT know she was offended? You don't have to read someone's mind if you insult or demean their contribution to your family, to your lifestyle, to your marriage to know they are offended. I'm sorry Tojaz, but hearing your wife's side, maybe she is like me and has a ego and a sense of pride, but I would be truly pissed if I felt like I wasn't doing anything, and the little I did do, you didn't appreciate it UNTIL you lost it. That would upset me even more. Everyone likes to feel like they contribute-that they're important, and that doesn't take mind-reading. Your W is clearly into getting right and being healthy, meaning she obviously has a self-esteem and respect from her body and maybe after examining her life, she pinned the reason why she was losing her self, her identity, her worth on you. It's harsh but she may have came to the conclusion that it's you that makes her feel self-hatred. Maybe I'm going to be flamed, but I don't think Tojaz's wife is in the wrong here. Like put yourself in her shoes Lisa before you flame her. Tojaz isn't sparkling innocent here. And honestly, it's her choice if Tojaz deserves another chance. If someone thinks they don't deserve another chance, then they don't! She hasn't cheated, she hasn't been horrible, she just wants out- and that's actually better than a lot of people. This woman knows what makes her happy and she's going for it- she wants her respect back! She shouldn't be flamed for it. I'm just saying lay off on the W- I can understand definitely from where she's coming from. I would hate feeling like a weak, dependent, underappreciated person- that would piss me off to the extreme. Very, very much negative in the love bank. Hi Chubbi I'm sorry if any advice or comments I have made on here have upset you in any way, this is a public forum in which people who are in pain come to give and recieve support. The advice and comments that I post come from my own experience of life, not "inside" knowledge of Tojaz's marriage. I do know what it is like to have your work demeaned, I was a homemaker for 7 years and was constantly underappreciated by my ex, I did all the housework, the garden, cleaned HIS car and even cleaned his shoes for him! I never once got a word of thanks and he would act like the work I did in the house was not "real" work. So, yes I do know what that feels like, but I personally would not break my wedding vows over it. If someone has a problem with their spouse, I beleive they cannot expect their spouse to "guess" their feelings. IMO Marriage requires communication on both parts and compromise, if Tojaz's wife had a problem with his behaviour, she should of expressed that to him implicitly, if someone does not tell you how they are feeling and is sitting there passively, acting that everything is ok, and in my case actively lying, then you cannot possibly know how someone feels. In any case I think I know who you are. You obviously felt that you had to come on here and defend yourself, as you did not like what you were reading, perhaps you should be asking yourself, firstly, why you are still interested in what your H is doing if you no longer want him, secondly, why you don't like what is being said and thirdly, why you feel a desire to justify and defend your behaviour if you truly believe what you have done is right.
LisaUk Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Hi "TOJAZ" you know who this is. Glad to see your keeping up with the horoscopes. Just wanted to let you know that I stopped bye. Everyone thanks for keeping an eye on him, especially you Lisa, sounds to me that you have been a great help to him, he really needs that right now. :love:KEL Hi Kelly Thank you for my horoscopes each day! I am glad I am able to help Tojaz, our situations have a far amount of similarities and we have both experineced and are experiencing a great deal of pain. He has been a huge support to me also. Lisa
LisaUk Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 maybe after examining her life, she pinned the reason why she was losing her self, her identity, her worth on you. It's harsh but she may have came to the conclusion that it's you that makes her feel self-hatred. Like put yourself in her shoes Lisa before you flame her. Tojaz isn't sparkling innocent here. She "pinned" the reason on Tojaz?????????? If someone feels they have lost their sense of self, then they have choosen to do so. By not expressing themself to their H and choosing to remain passive, they have lost themself, he hasn't taken it form them. I think Tojaz has clearly demonstarted on here that he loves his W and would do anything to make her happy and feel fulfilled. To say he didn't realise it unitl after he had lost her, is unfair, as she never gave him the opportunity before by not expressing herself. If someone does not express their true feelings, HOW exactly is the other person supposed to know? I take exception to you telling me to put myself in her shoes before I flame her. I have never once tried to flame Tojaz's wife, when expressing an opinion on here I have always tried to see the situtaion from both sides, having thought about both sets of feelings, I do believe that it is morally wrong to WALK from a marriage. (There are only two reasons for that abuse and adultery IMHO). It would have been one thing if she had first tried to work througth the problems in MC then they found they couldn't figure things out, it is quite another for someone to walk away from their wedding vows without trying and I mean really trying, being explicit with their feelings.
Author tojaz Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 She "pinned" the reason on Tojaz?????????? If someone feels they have lost their sense of self, then they have choosen to do so. By not expressing themself to their H and choosing to remain passive, they have lost themself, he hasn't taken it form them. I think Tojaz has clearly demonstarted on here that he loves his W and would do anything to make her happy and feel fulfilled. To say he didn't realise it unitl after he had lost her, is unfair, as she never gave him the opportunity before by not expressing herself. If someone does not express their true feelings, HOW exactly is the other person supposed to know? I take exception to you telling me to put myself in her shoes before I flame her. I have never once tried to flame Tojaz's wife, when expressing an opinion on here I have always tried to see the situtaion from both sides, having thought about both sets of feelings, I do believe that it is morally wrong to WALK from a marriage. (There are only two reasons for that abuse and adultery IMHO). It would have been one thing if she had first tried to work througth the problems in MC then they found they couldn't figure things out, it is quite another for someone to walk away from their wedding vows without trying and I mean really trying, being explicit with their feelings. Thank you Lisa!
LisaUk Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Thank you Lisa! Hey! Morning! Sent you a message direct as well!
Author tojaz Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Thanks, haven't checked E-mail yet, actually still in bed. LOL Did you see Allisons parents and Kelly posted on Vangels thread? She had some really sweet things to say. TOJAZ
LisaUk Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Tojaz, horoscopes, unbelivably freaky today, mine included, Virgo- Are you ready to be helped? That's not an easy question. In theory, you are always willing to accept assistance. In parctice? Well, there are times when you feel so sure of what you are doing - or so determined to prove a point, that you will brush off all attempts by others to steer you towards a smarter path. You don't, of course, want to be too easily influenced. But if, this week, there really does seem to be a persistent effort to get you to reconsider something, you should honour this with enough respect to at least consider the argument. Someone in a position of power really does have your best interests at heart. Cancer- Some people can easily see faraway things. They may be blind, though, to items that are under their noses. As with sight, so with insight. Someone may be able to see deeply into your heart, yet they won't notice what colour your shoes are. Others are great with the details, but they may miss the meanings. And now, we must ask, what are you consious of? This week, you are so aware of a sensitive situation that you can think of little else. It's not that you are wrong to give it this much attention but there is more to the picture. Talk to someone who sees things differently. Pool your knowledge. Solve your problem. Spooky!
LisaUk Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Thanks, haven't checked E-mail yet, actually still in bed. LOL Did you see Allisons parents and Kelly posted on Vangels thread? She had some really sweet things to say. TOJAZ No, haven't checked it out yet, will do though! Stay under your duvet! I would if I could, NEVER get a lie in at mum and dads!
Author tojaz Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 No, I meant i haven't checked mine yet. I couldn't get up if I wanted to, Cats on me
LisaUk Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 No, I meant i haven't checked mine yet. I couldn't get up if I wanted to, Cats on me No, I understood, I meant YOU stay in bed, I wish I could still be in mine, I never get to lie at my parents!
Author tojaz Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Sorry, misread what you said. I'm reading your E-mail now. The horoscopes are pretty spooky, they have been getting more so everyday! I'll send you yours in a few minutes.
LisaUk Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Yeah, mine are as well. Wonder if the ones you post will be as accurate?
Author tojaz Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Yeah, mine are as well. Wonder if the ones you post will be as accurate? You tell me, Mine>>The planets are revealing their destiny to you today, dear Cancer, so pay attention. Spend the day comprehending so you can take action tomorrow. Preparation may slow your start down but will take you for leaps and bounds once you get going. Hers>>Dear Virgo take your knowledge of the past and apply it to the present so things will workout as you want them to in the future. Each lesson of the past can be applied to your current situation. Once you develop this skill it will serve you always. Yours>>Dearest Libra loves knowledge and wisdom even more. For you success can't be measured in material gains alone, you need the full package. Your life must be balanced to function correctly. Multi-tasking is not your strong card, but one you must develop His>>Dear Aries, life has once again forced you into making choices. That's OK, that's what life is for. Make your choices and stand by your decisions, but always leave a backdoor open to escape from, just in case one of the choices you made starts to lead you down the wrong path. Kind of out there if you ask me, I did notice that I was listed as her compatible love sign, don't know what that means though, I'll have to have Kel explain it to me. TOJAZ
LisaUk Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Well, his is a commitment phobics horoscope if ever I heard one, leave a backdoor open! LOL
Author tojaz Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Well, his is a commitment phobics horoscope if ever I heard one, leave a backdoor open! LOL Yep, thats kind of what i thought too. The ones you posted for me are very very spooky, I've read them three times. Pretty sad that i;m looking for hope in a horoscope, but I'll take what i can get. LOL TOJAZ
LisaUk Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 I actually think the ones I'm getting, the guy that does them, is very good! I know I should take them as a bit of fun, but the ones of the last few days for me have been really bang on accurate. I know, probably just reading to much into them! Well, lets hope yours come right hey?
Author tojaz Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 I actually think the ones I'm getting, the guy that does them, is very good! I know I should take them as a bit of fun, but the ones of the last few days for me have been really bang on accurate. I know, probably just reading to much into them! Well, lets hope yours come right hey? They have been very good, what did yours say?
LisaUk Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Libra-Have you put yourself in an awkward position? Have you raised a set of false expectations, partly through a desire to say something pleasing and partly in an attempt to keep an option open? It's now becoming clear that you don't want what you once thought you might want. What you don't want to do, though, is say as much and make someone upset or angry. But the longer you leave it the trickier things will become. You can't just hope that fate will step in and fix things so that you don't have to take responsibility for a choice you have made. It's time to be strong and clear this week. Once you've done that, all will be fine. Will PM you to explian!
Author tojaz Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 :confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused:
Author tojaz Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Libra-Have you put yourself in an awkward position? Have you raised a set of false expectations, partly through a desire to say something pleasing and partly in an attempt to keep an option open? It's now becoming clear that you don't want what you once thought you might want. What you don't want to do, though, is say as much and make someone upset or angry. But the longer you leave it the trickier things will become. You can't just hope that fate will step in and fix things so that you don't have to take responsibility for a choice you have made. It's time to be strong and clear this week. Once you've done that, all will be fine. Will PM you to explian! I wouldn't worry about it Lisa, sounds like you have the situation by the tail, just be confident and all will work out for the best. :p:p NOBODY KNOWS WHAT WERE TALKING ABOUT HaHaHa :p:p (I'm such a child) TOJAZ
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