LisaUk Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Some folks are just wired that way. It's a defense measure. You can't hurt them if they shut you out and run the show. She still loves youand is doing her best. My mom, when i told her what happened, her only reply was "that sucks" and then went on to dump her own problems on me. Very supportive . Sounds like your Dad understands what is going on there as well. Just imagine how he feels! From what you have written about him, it sounds like he has been very supportive and understanding of your situation, I'm sure he will do his best to buffer you from your mums tough love if things come to a head. TOJAZ Yes my dad is great and I do know my mum loves me, it's just difficult sometimes. I bet you were like "Gee thanks mum!" Anyway, I'm off out now swimming, then have a friend here for dinner later, will try and check in before bed, but not sure. Hope you have a good Saturday, do you have anything planned? Hey, why you up so early on a weekend?
Author tojaz Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 Yes my dad is great and I do know my mum loves me, it's just difficult sometimes. I bet you were like "Gee thanks mum!" Anyway, I'm off out now swimming, then have a friend here for dinner later, will try and check in before bed, but not sure. Hope you have a good Saturday, do you have anything planned? Hey, why you up so early on a weekend? Didn't want to miss you before you hit the town. I've always been an early riser and just checked in. Vangels thread got me a little fired up so I stuck with it for awhile. Have a nice day, it's raining cats and dogs here, so I'll probabaly be on the puter most of the day. TOJAZ
LisaUk Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Didn't want to miss you before you hit the town. I've always been an early riser and just checked in. Vangels thread got me a little fired up so I stuck with it for awhile. Have a nice day, it's raining cats and dogs here, so I'll probabaly be on the puter most of the day. TOJAZ Thanks, was raining here all day too! Tojaz, how do I put pictures in my profile? Or can't I until I'm established?
Author tojaz Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 Thanks, was raining here all day too! Tojaz, how do I put pictures in my profile? Or can't I until I'm established? Go to your profile, click the pictures/albums link under networking, click add album and name your album, then click add pictures. There will be three blanks with a browse button. Click it and then find the picture you want to upload and hit open. You can do 3 at a time. Can't wait to see them. I'm adding a couple of the wife before/after kind of scary. TOJAZ
LisaUk Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Thanks but there is nothing under networking except contacts, i guess because I'm not established? Looking forward to seeing your pics though!
Author tojaz Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 I guess thats it. You should be established shortly i would imagine. Can you still see mine. The new ones are up.
LisaUk Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Hi, I checked on the FAQ's it says you can add albums as a member, no link though . Yes, I just looked at them, all my pictures of my ex are also smiling, including one taken two days before! Weird. Allie looked such a beautiful women, it is a true disgrace that her life be bought to an end in this way. I will pray for her and her family.
Author tojaz Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 Hi, I checked on the FAQ's it says you can add albums as a member, no link though . Yes, I just looked at them, all my pictures of my ex are also smiling, including one taken two days before! Weird. Allie looked such a beautiful women, it is a true disgrace that her life be bought to an end in this way. I will pray for her and her family. My sister took a couple of me today i should put up, I have lost a lot of weight since the other one. Allies service is next week. I'm considering telling a little of Vangels story when I give the speech. I think her family would appreciate that something positive could have come from all this. Would be comforting. The wifes picture scares the hell out of me. It really does. The happy version was just a week prior andI see no unhappiness what so ever, those eyes don't lie. The other one just cuts right through me. TOJAZ
LisaUk Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 My sister took a couple of me today i should put up, I have lost a lot of weight since the other one. Allies service is next week. I'm considering telling a little of Vangels story when I give the speech. I think her family would appreciate that something positive could have come from all this. Would be comforting. The wifes picture scares the hell out of me. It really does. The happy version was just a week prior andI see no unhappiness what so ever, those eyes don't lie. The other one just cuts right through me. TOJAZ I think that is a good idea about Vangel. You should put them up! I sent the admin an e-mail about the no album link, my friend took some pics of me today also that I was going to put on, as that one on match does not show me very clearly and I too lost more weight since then thanks to the ex! 10 lbs more. I know what you mean about the pictures, when my parents arrived in London, my dad was like get the most recent pics up, I want to look at him. I was like why? He said just get them up. I did , he said that is not an unhappy person, you would be able to tell.
Author tojaz Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 I think that is a good idea about Vangel. You should put them up! I sent the admin an e-mail about the no album link, my friend took some pics of me today also that I was going to put on, as that one on match does not show me very clearly and I too lost more weight since then thanks to the ex! 10 lbs more. I know what you mean about the pictures, when my parents arrived in London, my dad was like get the most recent pics up, I want to look at him. I was like why? He said just get them up. I did , he said that is not an unhappy person, you would be able to tell. Yeah, I'm going to sit down tonight and write something out. i am going to tell the story, Vangel has given me her blessing. You mean your smaller then in the pic? is there anything left or are you just a pair of hands typing away. I've lost 40 on the "Big D Diet" and could still afford to lose a few more. Thats what i mean about the pics. the eyes never lie. I've been reading every article on that MLC link you sent me. She's not old enough for an MLC but otherwise it fits her to a tee. I wonder if there is something similar for the younger crowd?
lupa Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Yeah, I'm going to sit down tonight and write something out. i am going to tell the story, Vangel has given me her blessing. You mean your smaller then in the pic? is there anything left or are you just a pair of hands typing away. I've lost 40 on the "Big D Diet" and could still afford to lose a few more. Thats what i mean about the pics. the eyes never lie. I've been reading every article on that MLC link you sent me. She's not old enough for an MLC but otherwise it fits her to a tee. I wonder if there is something similar for the younger crowd? I've lost about 30 lbs so far. This is ridiculous, I just don't have an appetite. ...maybe this is what we all needed, ha. As for a mid-lifer...everything I've read says that for the women, it seems like it can happen at any point.
Author tojaz Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 Hey lupa, do you remember where you read that, I'd like to check it out. I added you to my contacts if you want to check out my pics as well.
LisaUk Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Yeah, I'm going to sit down tonight and write something out. i am going to tell the story, Vangel has given me her blessing. You mean your smaller then in the pic? is there anything left or are you just a pair of hands typing away. I've lost 40 on the "Big D Diet" and could still afford to lose a few more. Thats what i mean about the pics. the eyes never lie. I've been reading every article on that MLC link you sent me. She's not old enough for an MLC but otherwise it fits her to a tee. I wonder if there is something similar for the younger crowd? Yes I'm smaller than the pic, UK size 12 (US size 16) in the pic, now UK size 8-10 (US size 4-6). My parents call me the beanpole! She is old enough for a MLC, anything from 30 onwards so I have read. Some experts say can happen evn in 20's but is rarer. Bear in mind you got together at 18, so your adult life started earlier than most if you see what I mean. It all fits my ex also, although I am CERTAIN his is commitment based/fuelled, my friend I saw today is convinced this is what is going on from talking with her mum who is a counsellor!
lupa Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Hey lupa, do you remember where you read that, I'd like to check it out. I added you to my contacts if you want to check out my pics as well. I think it was in an article about Walk-Away Wives...I don't know, I've read so freaking much about this in the last two months that I'm considering becoming a marriage counselor. Seriously. ...I checked out your album earlier. I swear we're living the same situation with our stbx's, and my heart goes out to you and your friend's family.
man_of_ability Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I have lost at least 15 lbs and it's only been a few weeks! I'm not heavy to start with. A few of the days I was so upset I didn't eat at all and it got to the point where I started feeling sick. I'm doing a little better than that now.
Author tojaz Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 I think it was in an article about Walk-Away Wives...I don't know, I've read so freaking much about this in the last two months that I'm considering becoming a marriage counselor. Seriously. ...I checked out your album earlier. I swear we're living the same situation with our stbx's, and my heart goes out to you and your friend's family. I guess I'll google it. heres the link to what Lisa sent me. A lot of info although it's aimed mostly at men. Been reading it for days. http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/ MOA, 15lbs. HA, that how much my breakfast weighed this morning light weight. I'll tell you, if I could bottle and market "The Big D Diet" I'd be a millionaire. Go get a sandwich my man. TOJAZ
LisaUk Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 It's really hard to eat the first few weeks, it does get better though. I am finding I still lose weight even though I am eating sooooooo much stuff, I shouldn't complain really, as before he left I just spent 10 months losing 5 stones (14lbs in a stone) on WW, so now I can eat what I like, I should be happy!
Author tojaz Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 Yes I'm smaller than the pic, UK size 12 (US size 16) in the pic, now UK size 8-10 (US size 4-6). My parents call me the beanpole! She is old enough for a MLC, anything from 30 onwards so I have read. Some experts say can happen evn in 20's but is rarer. Bear in mind you got together at 18, so your adult life started earlier than most if you see what I mean. It all fits my ex also, although I am CERTAIN his is commitment based/fuelled, my friend I saw today is convinced this is what is going on from talking with her mum who is a counsellor! Size 6, can stand to talk to me for more then a couple of seconds and a British accent. :love:Grrrrr! Folks, I AM IN LOVE!! Thanks for the info on the MLC most I have been reading has been aimed at late 30's and up. TOJAZ
LisaUk Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Size 6, can stand to talk to me for more then a couple of seconds and a British accent. :love:Grrrrr! Folks, I AM IN LOVE!! Thanks for the info on the MLC most I have been reading has been aimed at late 30's and up. TOJAZ LOL Tojaz what's your e-mail again, I'll attach them to you now.
Author tojaz Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 LOL Tojaz what's your e-mail again, I'll attach them to you now. [email protected]
PWSX3 Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 It's difficult to do that living with my parents, my mum has told me to belt up, get over it, she doesn't want to hear or see me going on about it. They talked about this in divorce care class, there is no time limit on how long to grieve a divorce. Some people can get thru it faster then others but you have to make sure & do all the steps, the anger, grieving, etc. There is no magic pill that you can take each person is different but you don't want to set & dwell on it either. The situation with my mum is difficult, i don't like to do her down, she had a terrible childhood, but she is very controlling and verbally abusive, to everyone, not just me. Sounds like she needs to do some counseling to get over some issues she has. It is a shame that people are that angry at the world, but like you said; you will never be able to tell them they could use some help. She actually told me to stop tailking about my ex and the split or she would throw me out of the house, she does not need mt c**p! Then other times she is supportive and tells me to have a good cry. I am 33 years old and i am being treated like a teenager. It really is a difficult situation and I cannot talk to her about any of it, nor can my dad. believe me we have bothed tried in the past and paid dearly for it. I had to laugh, I'm 48 & my folks when they introduce me sometimes they say; this is our little boy. She is just being you mom & the only thing she knows how to do is tell you what to do, she doesn't have the tools to just be supportive.
LisaUk Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 They talked about this in divorce care class, there is no time limit on how long to grieve a divorce. Some people can get thru it faster then others but you have to make sure & do all the steps, the anger, grieving, etc. There is no magic pill that you can take each person is different but you don't want to set & dwell on it either. Sounds like she needs to do some counseling to get over some issues she has. It is a shame that people are that angry at the world, but like you said; you will never be able to tell them they could use some help. I had to laugh, I'm 48 & my folks when they introduce me sometimes they say; this is our little boy. She is just being you mom & the only thing she knows how to do is tell you what to do, she doesn't have the tools to just be supportive. Thank you that helps a lot! My mum had a terrible time at home as a child followed by her family cutting her off totally in her early 20's. You're right, she could use some help, but she would never get it.
Author tojaz Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 Hi, just sent them, one of my cat also! I wrote you back, your cat is adorable!
LisaUk Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Thanks, just wrote you back. Yeah do take some of your cat!
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