julkat Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 You guys warned me about this guy, and now here I am. Coles Notes Version: I've been dating my neighbour for 10 months, mostly non-exclusive. Yesterday his other girlfriend accosted me for being around him. He had told me that she knew we were together too. I told her that we have been together since last summer. She couldn't believe it. She told me she had been ready to tell a new guy I've been seeing a bit that I was a homewrecking dog. After our talk she said she wasn't angry at me but was now angry with our mutual boyfriend. I even showed her the poison ivy on my leg that he and I got making love in the woods two weeks ago. She acknowledged that she knew that he had poison ivy too. She and I talked in the middle of the day and she said he was denying everything. Last night she went to his house to confront him. I went over too, to make sure that he acknowledged the truth in front of us both. He yelled at me to go home and said that I was lying. I could hear them talking (next door on deck) and he wasy lying and saying that we haven't been together in months and that I'm having a difficult time in my life and fixating on him. She stayed at his house overnight. I have months worth of text messages on my phone, him telling me he loves me just two days ago, planning for sex and 'chatting' about it afterwards, etc. I have hundreds of messages. My question is this...should I let her know that I have proof of everything I said yesterday and that she can look at my phone if she wants it? I don't want her to bad mouth me around this very tiny town, and I don't want her to tell the new man I'm seeing that I'm some kind of nut job. I am a business owner and my reputation is very important to me.
Trimmer Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 My question is this...should I let her know that I have proof of everything I said yesterday and that she can look at my phone if she wants it? I don't want her to bad mouth me around this very tiny town, and I don't want her to tell the new man I'm seeing that I'm some kind of nut job. I am a business owner and my reputation is very important to me. You live in a tiny town, and as a business owner, your reputation is very important to you, so you can't afford to be badmouthed. Yet you are with a boyfriend who you knew has another girlfriend. And you, yourself - while with this boyfriend - have "a new guy I've been seeing a bit" who the other girlfriend was going to out you to, so I assume that new guy doesn't know about boyfriend #1??? Wouldn't it be easier to just burn down your business and file a claim for the insurance money? BuUt to your actual question - should you work to "prove" to her your position in BF#1's life? What would that help, other than to enrage her more, either at him, or bringing her anger back on you... She would likely see it as you challenging her for territory, so while right now, you say she's mad at him, it would likely swing back around to a conflict with you. What is your final goal in all of this? Do you want to keep your relationship with him? If so, she is an obvious obstacle, and you won't be able to do that without getting rid of her. On the other hand, given that he essentially turned on you when confronted by her, told her that you were basically a whacko, and spent the night with her, I think you know where his loyalties are. If your priority is to maintain a low profile in town for the good of your business, then at this point, if you walk away from him, then the two of them may be able to stay happy, and things are likely to stay as quiet as possible for your reputation and your business. However, maintaining a relationship with him, and keeping a low profile in town for the good of your business, may not be compatible. When she felt threatened, she already threatened to talk about you to your new guy, so she may well threaten to talk about you publicly, especially if she knows that has leverage... You may have to choose one or the other.
Author julkat Posted June 27, 2009 Author Posted June 27, 2009 I chose to tell her everything and protect my reputation. She was so thankful that I did because he's lying to her about everything. She came to my house last night and thanked me again and said she's so glad to know the truth. She is still seeeing him, and yet he sends me text messages every day. I have implemented 100% no contact with him, and it's actually really easy because I now know he has no loyalty or respect as it pertains to me. I have tried to get his text messaging blocked through my service provider but would have to block all my texts, and can't because of my work. So I'm hoping this will get boring for him and he will eventually stop. My life is so much calmer and stress-free now. I'm much, much happier than I've been in months. I still have little cries as I mourn the loss of what I thought we had, but I'm no longer crying for the man. Whew. Thank you so much to my LS friends!
Trimmer Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 In your cell phone "Contacts" list, make an entry for his numbers (if there isn't already one...) and for the "Name", enter "No Contact" or "Erase Me" or any similar impersonal marker. That way, if you see a text from "Erase Me", you'll know exactly what to do, and it just gives you one more level of detachment from him personally.
I_Wonder Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 wow im surprised the other girl still believed you. i was in a similar situation last month. my ex broke up with me when i found out about his 6 month affair with another female. he didn't even tell her about me so i felt like she deserved to know the truth. we had been together for four years and he did me wrong so i knew he'd do the same to her. i gave her all of the proof she needed but she still ended up playing into his lies. i felt like crap afterwards because at the end of the day i was the one still lonely and they are still together. im still pissed that he lied about our relationship and lied about me. i think that the girl is just plain young and stupid though!
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