Forever loving life Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 What qualities are really important to men? What do you do to show you are in love? What things does a woman do to make you realize she is falling in love with you? How long do you feel it takes for a man and woman to truly know each other? What in a guys view is the right amount of time for a women to wait to sleep with you? What makes men fall head over heels in love with a woman?
dunstable Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 The qualities that are most important to me are kindness and a mutual intense physical and mental attraction. I think love is shown through displays of interest, concern, affection, and caring actions. I think it takes at least two years to get to know a person well, that's because you need to see them in a range of situations for different aspects of their personality to be revealed. You ask what is the right time for a woman to wait to sleep with a man -- I guess it depends on the man and the woman but for me I would expect it to happen within 5 dates otherwise I would be thinking she isn't really into me.
ON MY OWN Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 The qualities that are most important to me are kindness and a mutual intense physical and mental attraction. I think love is shown through displays of interest, concern, affection, and caring actions. I think it takes at least two years to get to know a person well, that's because you need to see them in a range of situations for different aspects of their personality to be revealed. You ask what is the right time for a woman to wait to sleep with a man -- I guess it depends on the man and the woman but for me I would expect it to happen within 5 dates otherwise I would be thinking she isn't really into me. 5 DATES?? Dunstable what got into you? A girl can make you wait 2-4 months and still be into you. Some girls may even wait longer, not sure. But if they want something substantial they may want to make sure you stick around. There is also the respect factor to weigh in there also. I guess it all depends on what a person is looking for a booty call or a relationship. I never grasped the concept of the whole friends with benefits thing, its basically saying your good enough to be intimate with but not to hold a relationship with. Whats that all about?
dunstable Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 5 DATES?? Dunstable what got into you? A girl can make you wait 2-4 months and still be into you. Some girls may even wait longer, not sure. I think it's mainly younger people that wait a long time. My experience is that for those over 40, it would be rare to go more than 5 dates and if it does that's usually because there are reservations about the person. Of course, everyone is different. But if they want something substantial they may want to make sure you stick around. Denying sex to see if a person sticks around sounds like playing games to me. I think older people tend to be very straightforward and not into that particular game. I guess it all depends on what a person is looking for a booty call or a relationship. With respect, I disagree that it is a choice between a booty call or a relationship. I think for many people intimacy comes first to see whether there is a basic compatibility and then the possibilities of a relationship are explored over subsequent months. I never grasped the concept of the whole friends with benefits thing, its basically saying your good enough to be intimate with but not to hold a relationship with. Whats that all about? I don't think I understand the FWB thing either and I don't think I've ever been in that situation. What I would find very offensive, would be if a woman were to say that some man was just FWB material so no need to wait before having sex with him but I'm relationship material so there has to be a wait to see whether I stick around. If I thought a woman had that kind of double standard, I would have no interest in her.
ON MY OWN Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I think it's mainly younger people that wait a long time. My experience is that for those over 40, it would be rare to go more than 5 dates and if it does that's usually because there are reservations about the person. Of course, everyone is different. Most of my friends and I used to move a bit quicker when we were younger. Just an observation. Women as they get older due to life experiences become more choosy about who they lay down with. Denying sex to see if a person sticks around sounds like playing games to me. I think older people tend to be very straightforward and not into that particular game. With all due respect I disagree on this one, I dont see it as game playing to be particular about who you sleep with. It is simply doing things you are BOTH completely comfortable with. I dont think you can put a number of dates on this. Everyone is different, different life experiences, comfort zones, personalities, as well as other factors. With respect, I disagree that it is a choice between a booty call or a relationship. I think for many people intimacy comes first to see whether there is a basic compatibility and then the possibilities of a relationship are explored over subsequent months. There is usually compatibility to begin with and thats why youd be sleeping with them in the first place. I understand sexual compatibility, but the other compatibility has to be there before you get to that point. I don't think I understand the FWB thing either and I don't think I've ever been in that situation. What I would find very offensive, would be if a woman were to say that some man was just FWB material so no need to wait before having sex with him but I'm relationship material so there has to be a wait to see whether I stick around. If I thought a woman had that kind of double standard, I would have no interest in her. What do you think of a woman that has respect for herself? Not all women are that quick to sleep with someone. So if your not sexually comaptible with her what do you do then? I am curious to hear your thoughts on this. Also if its your fifth date with her do you go out of the house knowing your going to try for it or its done? Thanks Dunstable. Read under each one of your replies, I responded under each one please!! ( above ) I split it up to make it easier to read. Ps. I think this is our 2nd date?? I have 3 more, LOL, J/k sweetie!!!
Author Forever loving life Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 I guess it depends on the man and the woman but for me I would expect it to happen within 5 dates otherwise I would be thinking she isn't really into me. Dunstable, aren't there ways other than having sex, that show you a woman is into you? As for myself, I'm waiting until I'm married before having sex again! I am 38 years old and the older I get, the more I realize just how important it is to take my time getting to know a man well on all aspects, before turning it into a physical relationship. I have found that if you get physical too quickly, there becomes less interest in getting to know each other on any other level.
dunstable Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Read under each one of your replies, I responded under each one please!! ( above ) I split it up to make it easier to read. It's OK for me that you put your replies into the quote but I think others may have difficulty figuring out which are my words and which are yours. It also makes it a bit more difficult for me to quote you. What do you think of a woman that has respect for herself? Not all women are that quick to sleep with someone. I agree, people do vary. I was generalizing based on my own experience. So if your not sexually comaptible with her what do you do then? I am curious to hear your thoughts on this. I would not pursue the relationship if we did not inflame each other with desire. I think mutual sex appeal has a lot to do with making a relationship last. I know other factors matter too but without the sex appeal it seems to me (and this is based on my experiences) that the foundations are shaky. Also if its your fifth date with her do you go out of the house knowing your going to try for it or its done?..... Ps. I think this is our 2nd date?? I have 3 more, LOL, J/k sweetie!!! No, I wouldn't be that prescriptive! Five is not a criterion, just a statistic based on my personal experiences and, as we have agreed, everyone is different. PS I'm looking forward to our third date!
dunstable Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I guess it depends on the man and the woman but for me I would expect it to happen within 5 dates otherwise I would be thinking she isn't really into me. Dunstable, aren't there ways other than having sex, that show you a woman is into you? As for myself, I'm waiting until I'm married before having sex again! I am 38 years old and the older I get, the more I realize just how important it is to take my time getting to know a man well on all aspects, before turning it into a physical relationship. I have found that if you get physical too quickly, there becomes less interest in getting to know each other on any other level. It hasn't been my experience that getting physical quickly leads to less interest in getting to know each other on any other level. On the contrary, I find getting physical has a bonding effect. But maybe I'm not representative of men in general.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I dont know I think a woman would have to be in tune with you. I mean really want to be with you, not dropping hints. I mean actions speak. When she can be relaxed around you, make jokes. And is awesome and knows when to be sexy and when to be a woman. Also men love loyalty, we dont like bitches. Contrary to what females may think men get tired of bitchiness real quick and the old addage remains true you get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar. lol. But i havent met any chicks who was real into me without me having to chase them. I'm tired of chasing women. Getting too old for that, I would chase if she was openly chasing back but games is seriously a turnoff for alot of guys me included.
ON MY OWN Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 It's OK for me that you put your replies into the quote but I think others may have difficulty figuring out which are my words and which are yours. It also makes it a bit more difficult for me to quote you. I agree, people do vary. I was generalizing based on my own experience. I would not pursue the relationship if we did not inflame each other with desire. I think mutual sex appeal has a lot to do with making a relationship last. I know other factors matter too but without the sex appeal it seems to me (and this is based on my experiences) that the foundations are shaky. No, I wouldn't be that prescriptive! Five is not a criterion, just a statistic based on my personal experiences and, as we have agreed, everyone is different. PS I'm looking forward to our third date! l apologize on the quote thing, was trying to figure out when all of a sudden I noticed multi quote which if I would have noticed it before would have come in handy. I do see your point and am somewhat agreeable. ( accept the 5 date thing as a guage, I would think to reset that at ten or something, lol. ) However I will at best BLEND it with my feelings on it as well, I am simply saying it may take one woman longer that may be well worth the wait. ( w/out games ) PS. Your late for our third? WTH are you? LOL...Take care Dunstable
carhill Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I have found that if you get physical too quickly, there becomes less interest in getting to know each other on any other level. Sounds compatible with some men's perspective. They prefer it that way, grounded in the superficial. Only way to know is to see, over time, whether sexual attraction remains, even in the absence of sex, as intimacy and bonding grows. Just like men, women come in all flavors. Some bond through intimacy; some through sex; some not at all (convenient relationships). Compatibility is key. If one partner feels they have to 'give it up', whether that means emotional or sexual intimacy, to 'get' their partner, it's a sign of looming incompatibility, IMO. There should be balance in the meeting of each other's needs. Using the five date rule, shall the man become emotionally vulnerable to his partner as she has become sexually vulnerable to him? Or, switch the genders, as a woman can have sex and feel nothing, though IME it is less likely. To answer the OP directly, IMO, there is no answer, or, more precisely, there are as many answers as there are men. We're all different. My answer would be a combination of emotional honesty, loyalty and intimacy. That type of bond is completey separate from and not related to sex, though sex is an expression of those aspects and feelings. One datapoint
ON MY OWN Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Sounds compatible with some men's perspective. They prefer it that way, grounded in the superficial. Only way to know is to see, over time, whether sexual attraction remains, even in the absence of sex, as intimacy and bonding grows. Just like men, women come in all flavors. Some bond through intimacy; some through sex; some not at all (convenient relationships). Compatibility is key. If one partner feels they have to 'give it up', whether that means emotional or sexual intimacy, to 'get' their partner, it's a sign of looming incompatibility, IMO. There should be balance in the meeting of each other's needs. Using the five date rule, shall the man become emotionally vulnerable to his partner as she has become sexually vulnerable to him? Or, switch the genders, as a woman can have sex and feel nothing, though IME it is less likely. To answer the OP directly, IMO, there is no answer, or, more precisely, there are as many answers as there are men. We're all different. My answer would be a combination of emotional honesty, loyalty and intimacy. That type of bond is completey separate from and not related to sex, though sex is an expression of those aspects and feelings. One datapoint Very well put Carhill!!!
Blackfrost Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 What qualities are really important to men? What do you do to show you are in love? What things does a woman do to make you realize she is falling in love with you? How long do you feel it takes for a man and woman to truly know each other? What in a guys view is the right amount of time for a women to wait to sleep with you? What makes men fall head over heels in love with a woman? For me, I fall in love with someone who can so seemlessly blend into who I am and who she is, that we don't have to worry about changing things we dislike in each other. There's nothing that is so irritating about each other, that our relationships just remains forever in the occasional quibbles and quabbles, but never crosses the line beyond that. Physical attraction is only important enough for me to feel like I would want to be intimate with you. I've had stunning looking women and average looking women, and personally I prefer a normal down to earth average looking woman who is sensible and essentially feels like a natural extension of myself. Beuaty is how you percieve it. The personality that my wife has, is what makes her SO attractive to me - and it helps that she takes care of herself. After my divorce (years ago) and after the pain and emotional trauma I seriously reflected and learned what I wanted in a partner, and would never settle for again: thinking I could fix areas of someone. I know it's hard to find someone who meets those qualifications, but maybe it's how you quantify your qualifications that are out of alignment in your own head, and hence cause you be missing the person who really is suited for you. I tell people to stop having agendas or checklists, and just be relaxed, and who you really are. Otherwise you are (or your mate is) perpetuating a false front, that will eventually crack under pressure. As for waiting for sex. I personally held out on my current wife until she freaked out one night and jumped on me naked - becuase she'd had enough, and wasn't wainting anymore. I think I made her wait 2 months - and now we've been married for fourteen years. Love is what you perceive it to be. I find love in someone that I see is willing to truely go though all the good times and bad, and fight with me to make it all better - every time. It's a partnership. If I wanted a porcelain doll, I'd go buy one.
WarKat Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Physical attraction is only important enough for me to feel like I would want to be intimate with you. I've had stunning looking women and average looking women, and personally I prefer a normal down to earth average looking woman who is sensible and essentially feels like a natural extension of myself. Beuaty is how you percieve it. The personality that my wife has, is what makes her SO attractive to me - and it helps that she takes care of herself. After my divorce (years ago) and after the pain and emotional trauma I seriously reflected and learned what I wanted in a partner, and would never settle for again: thinking I could fix areas of someone. I know it's hard to find someone who meets those qualifications, but maybe it's how you quantify your qualifications that are out of alignment in your own head, and hence cause you be missing the person who really is suited for you. I tell people to stop having agendas or checklists, and just be relaxed, and who you really are. Otherwise you are (or your mate is) perpetuating a false front, that will eventually crack under pressure. As for waiting for sex. I personally held out on my current wife until she freaked out one night and jumped on me naked - becuase she'd had enough, and wasn't wainting anymore. I think I made her wait 2 months - and now we've been married for fourteen years. Love is what you perceive it to be. I find love in someone that I see is willing to truely go though all the good times and bad, and fight with me to make it all better - every time. It's a partnership. If I wanted a porcelain doll, I'd go buy one. Man, you really hit a common chord with me. I've been divorced for over seven years now and I feel the exact same way.
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