skjd1220 Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I need some help and advice on how to proceed with this new guy. I met a new guy online and we hit it off right away. We agreed to go out with a group of friends on Saturday, just to meet up and see how things went without a lot of pressure. I've had enough bad dates lately to appreciate and see the value in this type of meeting. The night went great. We hit if off, had a lot of chemistry and had a lot of fun. He told me he liked me, told my friends he liked me and made references to hanging out again. He wasn't creepy and didn't try to take me home on the first night. We stayed out half the night and ended with a kiss. All night he was touchy, flirty but appropriate for a bar. Yesterday and today we exchanged a few funny emails about things that happened. In my last email, I said 'For what it's worth, I had a really nice time on Saturday and I'm glad we did this'. His response 'Glad you enjoyed yourself. A good time was had by everyone.' This is where I need advice- that email sort of seems like a blow off. He didn't really say he had a good time and no hint of hanging out again. I didn't respond to that...I think I made my interest clear so I didn't want to look pushy. What should I do now? Was that response a total blow off? Should I just wait to see if I hear from him? If I don't hear from him midweek, would it be bad to send him a quick note to see if he wants to grab drinks some night? He was definitely more flirty then I was that evening so I just want to make sure he knows I am interested. Thanks for your help!
loveslife Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Yeah, he doesn't sound like he's very interested. I'd try and move on if I were you. Why would you want to ask him out if his interest level is low? Haha I say that, but been there done that. I think you deserve better.
Eleventy Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I wouldn't read too much into it just yet. Try to move for a second date and gauge his response there.
alphamale Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 In my last email, I said 'For what it's worth, I had a really nice time on Saturday and I'm glad we did this'. your last email was a bit vague, what you should have said was something like: "i had a real fun time with you sat nite and hope we can get together soon but without the crowd" your vague email elicited another vague email...
northstar1 Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Yeah, he doesn't sound like he's very interested. I'd try and move on if I were you. Why would you want to ask him out if his interest level is low? Haha I say that, but been there done that. I think you deserve better. I don't think you can draw that conclusion quite yet. They had a great time, and she sent a fairly vague note, he responded in the same manner. Why pull the chute already?
Author skjd1220 Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 After I got his vague response, I went back and re-read what I wrote and was thinking the same thing. I didn't phrase my email very well. That said, should I email him now a little more clear and say something like 'since we had so much fun together, why don't we get drinks sometime' just to make sure to clear the air or is the ball in his court? I've dated so many crappy people lately, I don't want to lose this one on a misunderstanding but I also don't want to scare him away by being over communicative.
carhill Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I definitely won't speak for other guys but here's how it works for me.... If I connect with a lady and enjoy her company, and the time we spend together is satisfying, I definitely would express that. Now, here's the key. In the moment, I'm finding her attractive, interesting and all those cool adjectives. It's what happens after we part company (date/event ends) that is key to whether I show further interest. There's a switch in my brain set off by emotional memory that causes me to think about someone after they've gone. If that memory was made, I'll start thinking about the next time I want to contact her and spend more time together. If not, it was a good time; no regrets and no impetus to contact and/or pursue things further. Today was great example, even from casual interaction. There's a postal clerk at our little post office whom I've written about in my journals because she always put a smile on my face even when I was really down while caring for my mom. One time, a number of months back, I stopped in and somehow, during conversation, I mentioned something about good guys being hard to find. She looked at me in the eyes and said "they sure are" and had a somewhat wistful look on her face. Now, I knew she was married and had kids, so it got me to wondering. Fast forward to today when I needed new stamps. Again, casual conversation, but I purposely noted that she had no wedding ring on anymore. The only reason I looked was because of the emotional memory she had created with her kind words and smile during some pretty dark days. After I left, I started thinking "Hmm, I wonder if she's still married or seeing anyone?" That's how it works, for me. The same applies to dates. If I don't experience that third dimension, I don't go any further. I'm not saying that's your situation, but it's something to keep in mind. If he's interested, he'll contact you, via phone, and ask you out.
luvbugged Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Should I just wait to see if I hear from him? If I don't hear from him midweek, would it be bad to send him a quick note to see if he wants to grab drinks some night? I think you should do this, after all he could be unsure if you and he were on the same wavelength.
alphamale Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 That said, should I email him now a little more clear and say something like 'since we had so much fun together, why don't we get drinks sometime' just to make sure to clear the air or is the ball in his court? email him something sexual like: "you're so HOT i just want to rub my naked body against yours. no guy has made me feel this way for ages. i can't wait to see you again you little sex-ay thing! my knees start to quiver thinking about sat nite and what may 'lay' in store for us in the future..."
loveslife Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 In my experience, if a guy is interested he will take the initiative. What Carhill said... it could be you had a nice time but there was no emotional memory or connection on his part. I'm not an expert and don't know this guy though, so you should definitely do what feels right to you.
DarkestDreams Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 It sounds like a blow off. Your reply wasn't vague, I'd probably say something similar to let him know I'm interested without actually asking him out. If he was interested, he would have been all over it. Give it some time and see what happens.
refurb Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I wouldn't read too much into it just yet. Try to move for a second date and gauge his response there. Agreed. The guy might be erring on the side of not being too forward for fear of coming across too strong. If I were the OP, I'd do the "wanna grab a drink?" and leave it at that. If he can't pick up the reins at that point, it's very likely he's not interested. RF
Author skjd1220 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Here is what I dont' get - why do men continue to respond if they aren't interested? If you went out with a girl and decided you didn't want to see her again, wouldn't it be easier not to respond to her or be upfront? I get that maybe they think they are being polite- but responding in a nice but vague manner isn't very helpful....very confusing.
alphamale Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Here is what I dont' get - why do men continue to respond if they aren't interested? If you went out with a girl and decided you didn't want to see her again, wouldn't it be easier not to respond to her or be upfront? thats what i do, no sense in leading some poor woman on or wasting peoples time
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