bluesky123 Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 It's been three weeks since I last heard from my Ex. I wrote a sweet email to her, I received a response; in a nut shell she she stated that we moved in together quickly and have been joined at the hip ever since, and that she's at a point in her life where she needs to figure out what she wants out of life husdband, career etc. She also stated that loves me and can't help but cry when she things about me and has to stop her urge to call me .I never responded to her email, I tired to call but she did not answer. We had a great realtionship, I miss my bestfriend. I have been keeping busy but it's the little things I miss. I would love to tell her about my day hear about hers. I guess the writing is on the wall, she has not contacted me at all, I guess she moved on. This girl is my soulmate, I've had girlfriend before but the day I met her and the eye contact we shared was the most beatiful things I 've ever expierenced.
desertsun09 Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Maybe just give it a little more time and then try to contact her again. Sounds from her email that she misses you, but its hard to say if she's just trying to let you down easy. Hard to tell, but I'd try a little later on and see how that goes. There's a lot of folks that will say stick to NC, but I'm not necessarily a believer in that....it depends on the situation. Sometimes you have nothing to lose and its better to find out the cold, hard facts and be able to take that and move on, rather than sit around and wonder what if. DS x
Author bluesky123 Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 My close girlfriends seem to think that she is confused and is tryingto let me down easy. It's so hard today for me, I never expected her to let me go.
chowda Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I just want you to know I'm in exactly the same situation...lived together for 3 years...she needs time to think.....I know how you feel man. I found this site as a last resort and its been 4 weeks since she left and I am getting better....it still shocks me that she could leave....but if you need to talk its no prob.
Beeotch Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 At least you know that this woman still loves you and at least she seemed honest about her reasons for needing time a part. I think if you guys are meant to be...then it will be and this time a part is only going to help as she will have that time and separation to sort her thoughts and life out so that if and when she adds you to the mix things might be BETTER than before and she will be more certain. In the mean time, I think you should probably send her a check-up note every 2 weeks or so, just to say hey maybe and to let her know you care but not be overbearing with it and just use this time to think about things for yourself as well and keep busy as if you don't...the time is going to drag on.
Author bluesky123 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 The letter she sent did send mixed signals, at one point she states how she cries then moves on to say that she needs to find things out. " And she'll always love me" That could me she's not in love with me, I'd thought she'd call me by now but nothing. How do you explain this I called her left no msg after I got the email, she did nothing. I don't know what she is thinking ? What gets me the most is the re occurring thoughts of the memories we shared wether it be in a store or for a walk , gosh I miss her smile. Im dying inside, I was do well for two weeks and its all crashing !
Beeotch Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 The letter she sent did send mixed signals, at one point she states how she cries then moves on to say that she needs to find things out. " And she'll always love me" That could me she's not in love with me, I'd thought she'd call me by now but nothing. How do you explain this I called her left no msg after I got the email, she did nothing. I don't know what she is thinking ? What gets me the most is the re occurring thoughts of the memories we shared wether it be in a store or for a walk , gosh I miss her smile. Im dying inside, I was do well for two weeks and its all crashing ! The reality that you need to tell yourself is: you probably will never really know what she is thinking. I think it is natural instinct to analyze every conversation, every text, email,gesture looking for clues.STOP! Because half the time we are emotional, they are emotional/emotionless and it is like trying to put a puzzle together drunk....it just is a disaster and is usually all wrong and FRUSTRATING! So that's the first...don't try to decode her messages etc. Take her words for what she says. She sounds like an emotional wreck right now and again...when people are emotional you can't really trust them, heck they can't trust themselves. So don't sit around reading into the good or bad she says. It is fine to miss her...but you have to give her the time she requests... not try to convince her she doesn't need it or try to solve her problems. I know how it is,did the same thing...DIDN'T work. It just upset me and pushed the other person away. She KNOWS you care....the ball is in her court. The best thing to do is give her the time and space to get things together. No use hopping on her emotional rollercoaster.When things get calmer if she wants you she will reach out. Think of it as she is in a fog right now....when things are clear if she wants you she will know where to find you. In the mean time don't stress yourself out too much.
Author bluesky123 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 You are totally right, I've been going to the gym everyday, doing things for myself. I did nothing wrong, I treated her like a princess "ol' fashion". Heck I even went out a bought a motorcycle! But all this stuff doesn't complete me. I dont want to wait but I've been i a similar situation with a high school sweet heart a few years back. I did all the begging and it got me now where. However this girl is diffrent we had a great realtionship, I dont know what happend. I want to wait but it's false hope. Do you think it's to early for her to contact me ?
Beeotch Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 You are totally right, I've been going to the gym everyday, doing things for myself. I did nothing wrong, I treated her like a princess "ol' fashion". Heck I even went out a bought a motorcycle! But all this stuff doesn't complete me. I dont want to wait but I've been i a similar situation with a high school sweet heart a few years back. I did all the begging and it got me now where. However this girl is diffrent we had a great realtionship, I dont know what happend. I want to wait but it's false hope. Do you think it's to early for her to contact me ? You know what the problem is; she told you. Consider yourself lucky, as some people's exes up and leave without a word. She told you you didn't do anything wrong and that SHE needs to figure her stuff out. That it legitimate. Do you really want someone who is uncertain? Consider it a favor that she is trying to figure stuff out and not drag you along aimlessly. I don't know her so I don't know if it is too early....but you need to LISTEN though and not think just about what you want. She needs TIME....you can't expect it to be within your time frame...may it be a month or 6 months.s..you just have to DO YOU and when she comes around she comes around. No use counting down the days and all that...everyone does things on their own time...you can't predict or control when she will feel better or want to speak to you...so do other things in the mean time and as I said: when she wants to talk and is ready....SHE WILL. No magic formula, code etc to it. If she is not talking to you....she isn't ready yet. Don't wait around putting your life on hold until she is ready though,because you have to realize that while she may come around and everything turns out great she could also come around and not want the relationship...so you can't hang on expecting that b/c you will get hurt. NC is best for this reason, because it is to HELP YOU heal and be strong so that if worst comes to worst it is not a hard blow.It isn't so that these people will magically come back to us.
Author bluesky123 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Wow thank you for your bluntness, you are right I can't force her to do anything. I have been sticking to NC becuase she said it was over and I love her and will respect. Im not one to beg or be a rude person. I guess if it's meant to be it will work out if not ..... life is like a box of chocolates you never know what your gonna get inside! Thanks for listening , its been a tough few days for me.
Beeotch Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Wow thank you for your bluntness, you are right I can't force her to do anything. I have been sticking to NC becuase she said it was over and I love her and will respect. Im not one to beg or be a rude person. I guess if it's meant to be it will work out if not ..... life is like a box of chocolates you never know what your gonna get inside! Thanks for listening , its been a tough few days for me. No problem...it has been in the last couple weeks that I have come to my senses and have stopped doing all the wrong things with regards to my ex. It has been 3 months and is an emotionally trying journey...but it gets better especially when I started to put things in perspective. I still have weak moments or sad moments but generally I know what I have to do for me...and as I said "What is to be will be"....so don't worry about it. Goodluck!
adamt Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I'm in a similar situation, in the space of 3 months she went from wanting to buy a house together to splitting up with me. Her mom has been ill and passed away recently and she dumped me soon after. she wanted time to think and 2 weeks later she emailed me saying she didnt think we were over and missed me. then 2 weeks later we meet and she says her head is all over the place and doesnt know when she will be ready for a relationship with me or anyone. so says it is unfair to keep me waiting. at the moment the only man she wants in her life is looking after her dad. she just wants her independence back. Who knows if it is genuine reasons or not but i've accepted it a month down the line and starting to move on. joined the gym which fills the quiet nights and helps rebuild your confidence. keepng myself busy at weekends. she has hardly been in contact for a month, so i'm giving her space and let her be. Its hard to comprehend how someone can walk out so easily. but maybe she has been thinking about splitting up for a while. she said we dont have much in common anyhmore but until 2 month before the split we had similar ideas and had lots to keep us talking. it is hard not to analyse where she started to change. but in the end there is not a lot you can do. i wont contact her, as she dumped me its upto her to contact me when she is ready. that is if she wants to contact me. by then i might have moved on. First 2 weeks were very difficult, not sleepin gor eating and breaking down in tears snd little motivation. but 2 weeks later i feel i have come a long way already. the gym makes a big difference.probably not yet ready to speak to her face to face and i do still have moment and days where i feel down and wonder why it had to happen to me. but they get less and less. secret is to not contact them. thats the only way you wont lose. I will never fully understand why the spark disappeared for her but with no contact the mist clears and you can learn on what you can improve in your next relationship
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