wow123 Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I have been broken up over 2 months now. I tried NC for a few weeks then went to LC (her contacting me). We recently spoke and agreed to meet up. I started talking about the relationship and the ex replied we could talk about things in person when we meet up. She doesn't sound like she wants to get back together but agreed to meet up. Am I stupid for going? Why would she want to meet up? She knows I still love her and want her back. Thoughts please.
boogieboy Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I have been broken up over 2 months now. I tried NC for a few weeks then went to LC (her contacting me). We recently spoke and agreed to meet up. I started talking about the relationship and the ex replied we could talk about things in person when we meet up. She doesn't sound like she wants to get back together but agreed to meet up. Am I stupid for going? Why would she want to meet up? She knows I still love her and want her back. Thoughts please. If all you want to talk about with her is how to work things out, then thats all you should talk about. Because otherwise she is just using you for attention and non-romantic company.
samspade Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Don't go. Cancel on her. Then go NC. Why would she want to meet up? She knows I still love her and want her back. There's a minute chance she wants you back, but given the information supplied, I doubt it. You are in a situation where she controls the frame, not you. She knows you want her back, so she can dangle carrots, reject you again, use you for sex, or what have you...any of this can be under the false pretense of a "second chance" and can cause great emotional damage to you in the long run. Instead of chasing your ex, who I assume dumped you, close the door on her for now and work on meeting other women. She is probably on a fishing expedition; let her find some other waters.
Author wow123 Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 Samspade, I see your point but...she has plenty of other guys chasing after her. She does not need me for company or sex or any of that. She can walk into a bar and get anyone she wants. She can also call any other ex or friend up to fill those needs. And also she said we would talk about the relationship.
bluewolf17 Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 My advice is to go. Good, bad, or neutral, you will have a answer. Just be prepared for the worst. She probably misses you and wants to catch up. She is smart enought to know that if she talks with you, the R is going to come up. Just be prepared...that's my only advice. I just did the same thing with my ex. After a month of NC, he reached out to me wanting to see me. I got my hopes up thinking he might want me back. When really, he is just "feeling things out". No real answer, and on top of it, I broke my NC. But, you might regret not hearing what she has to say. ALSO, make plans (or fake plans) for somthing else that night. Tell her a window of time. Like, coffee at 6, but I have other plans at 7:30 blah blah. Somthing like that. That way, if it's bad and runs long, you can go. Even if it's really good, you want to leave her wanting more anymore. And cutting it short also keeps you in control. Let us know how it goods. I hope you get what you want.
BCCA Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Samspade, I see your point but...she has plenty of other guys chasing after her. She does not need me for company or sex or any of that. She can walk into a bar and get anyone she wants. She can also call any other ex or friend up to fill those needs. And also she said we would talk about the relationship. We all tell ourselves the same thing, "she could get someone else, she wouldnt just use me". The honest truth is that women really arent keen on starting a brand new relationship fresh out of a breakup, but they need sex. They want a guy who they have full and total control over, to listen to their crap and tell them theyre pretty, but at the same time - they have free will to meet someone else and completely forget you exist. I think she 'wants to talk about the relationship' just to get you talking. Shes going to sidestep or give vague answers to anything you bring up, trust me. What she is trying to do is lure you there with the intentions of talking about the R, and hopefully, get you caught up with something else so you let it go. I say you should go, but go with a plan in mind, and dont get caught up in the moment. The absolute last thing you want to do is spend two hours with this girl and go home with nothing resolved. This is going to be difficult, because thats exactly what she is going to want to do, and will continue to push the conversation elsewhere, or give vague answers. Find out if she feels the same way or wants to try again. If not, you have to walk away and leave well enough alone. Again, just dont go there and waste a night sitting with her without getting answers.
Author wow123 Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 Thanks for all of the advice. We never broke up in person so I feel like this is something that I need to do for myself. She either needs to tell me that she still has feelings for me and wants to try again or that she knows that there is no chance for us. I need to leave the meeting hearing one of those two things so I can move on with my life.
BCCA Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Thanks for all of the advice. We never broke up in person so I feel like this is something that I need to do for myself. She either needs to tell me that she still has feelings for me and wants to try again or that she knows that there is no chance for us. I need to leave the meeting hearing one of those two things so I can move on with my life. See, the key to it is you have to not settle for anything less than an exact answer. Anything vague or 'well see' means no, but she doesnt want to come out and say it. She is never going to tell you that there is no chance for you, I've known very few women to make such a definitive statement. The trick is to pay very close attention to what she DOESNT say. Unless she is sure that she wants to give things another try, and agrees to do her part to change the problems youve had, its hopeless. I've had many conversations like this with girls, and Ive found that they generally try very hard NOT to make any definite statements. Its all wishy washy, and they avoid saying anything about never getting back together. If you know shes 100% not getting back with you, youre going to be done with her. She knows that, and shes going to try anything and everything to avoid being that upfront. Just dont take weak excuses and vague answers. Youll thank yourself later. Anything thats unclear should be assumed bad news.
Author wow123 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Ya I understand that. If she is vague then she's obviously done. I think I will go.
CaliGuy Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Go, get your answers but don't beg or be mushy/wussy like with her. Be fun, confident and happy (just like you were when you first met).
Author wow123 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Great Advice Caliguy. She didn't fall in love with a wuss. She fell in love with me when I was fun and confident.
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