butcher's hook Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I understand with business dinners that this wouldn't work; you're buying their business. If you apply this mindset to a first date, what are you buying when you pay for her meal? Besides any form of gift giving, ie. birthday gifts, christmas, anniversary, a "just because" gift" can all be considered as a way of "buying" affection if that is how you want to look at it. What is gift giving if not the most selfish act a person can perform to win over affections and to seek personal happiness? It's not really about them it's about YOU.
Jersey Shortie Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I think for me, if a man isn't willing to pay for something as simple as a first date, when we are both trying to put our best foot forward because God knows I just spent an hour and a half getting ready, then it forshadows the rest of the relationship and put a damper on it. I want to know a guy doesn't mind spending some money on me. Because that probably means he is into me and that he isn't uptight.
sally4sara Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I don't understand; never really did but have gone along with it before. Why is it men will buy each other dinner and call it business. But - can't let a woman buy them dinner? (as previously posted) Can't let a woman pay for her dinner (still complain that she didn't look, reach. offer, or not later)? And no one is suppose to think of it as odd? The men feel like its dishonorable if a woman pays for a them, but she is suppose to be flattered if he pays for her? I've just always felt like it sets a skewed tone to someone you don't really know if you will or won't end up liking. Are they a friend? Your next ex? Future husband? Business partner? Damn, it's a first date and already weird enough.
sally4sara Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I think for me, if a man isn't willing to pay for something as simple as a first date, when we are both trying to put our best foot forward because God knows I just spent an hour and a half getting ready, then it forshadows the rest of the relationship and put a damper on it. I want to know a guy doesn't mind spending some money on me. Because that probably means he is into me and that he isn't uptight. Why is the woman's best foot flat busted and broke?
RunawayTrain Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 If I added up all the money I spent on dates since I started dating at age 16, I could probably afford a Lamborghini lol.
clv0116 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 And no one is suppose to think of it as odd? I asked, I should pay.
bac Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 it depends who is the first date. If he is 20-10 yrs younger, mentally ill, has a personality disorder or any other way handycapped , I will typically pay for myself.
ON MY OWN Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Haha, I just read what you wrote before, and yeah, that is a smart way. And if the guy really likes you and wants to treat you to something, he could always get you drinks or something afterwards. But do guys seriously have tantrums about the money they spent? Hell, I remember one time I went out with a girl to this festival and bought both of out $30 tickets before she arrived ($30 is a lot for me for one night). Long story short, it was boring as hell. I really wanted to get out of it quickly. I NEVER looked at that night as a waste of 30 (or 60) dollars, and there's no way I would have had a tantrum. I have heard guys gripe about that, most dont though I dont think. The few that do are cheap IMO. Some guys have even said they will only do coffee or drinks on a first date.
Taramere Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 it depends who is the first date. If he is 20-10 yrs younger, mentally ill, has a personality disorder or any other way handycapped , I will typically pay for myself. Agreed. If he has a nervous tic, I'll tend to spring for double espressos.
clv0116 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Agreed. If he has a nervous tic, I'll tend to spring for double espressos. Extra sugar?
SummerLady Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 I did. We had gone to 2 different places to drink and 1 place to eat and the movies. So by the time we had gone to dinner he had paid for 2 bar tabs that I know were at least 40 bucks each. So I paid for dinner and then he paid for the movies. I like to come into a relationship as an equal but I did allow him to pick up the first 2 tabs, there has to be give and take in my book. If we had gone to just one place and I knew we were not going anywhere else I would have offered up some money like the tip or something.
loveslife Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Maybe it's a generational thing for the over 35 set but guys I go out with tend to be irritated if I try and pay. When I was in my 20s that wasn't always the case (guys had less money then). I still do the reach on the first date but don't push it.
D-Lish Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 I always attempt to split the tab on the first date. If I never plan on seeing the guy again, I WANT to pay half. If a guy insists on paying- I'll let him.
Trialbyfire Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 These pay or not pay threads. To get a more solid feel about dating, it might be worthwhile for people to state their ages and what their target audience is. The more I read on LS, the more I see some strong generational differences. For example I'm 34 years old. My target audience used to be men who were anywhere from 5 to 10 years older. The funny thing is that my fiance is only 2 years older. He fooled me by acting and looking older. Oh, and I've never paid for first dates unless I never wanted to see them again. Then I would pay for the entire dinner and escape as soon as civility would allow.
Adunaphel Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 If the guy does not try to pay on first date I tend to assume he is not very interested, expecially considered that I am a reasonably unexpensive date. I am 30 years old.
sally4sara Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 These pay or not pay threads. To get a more solid feel about dating, it might be worthwhile for people to state their ages and what their target audience is. The more I read on LS, the more I see some strong generational differences. For example I'm 34 years old. My target audience used to be men who were anywhere from 5 to 10 years older. The funny thing is that my fiance is only 2 years older. He fooled me by acting and looking older. Oh, and I've never paid for first dates unless I never wanted to see them again. Then I would pay for the entire dinner and escape as soon as civility would allow. Okay, I'm 35 and female with no actual age for my target audience. I pay for my meals till we share a bank account. No real rigidity for that rule EXCEPT on the the first date. I've dated mostly my own age group, but have gone younger and older. My current relationship is almost 5 years and he is 6 years my junior.
lora22 Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 25; I tend to date guys my age or SLIGHTLY older (2-5 years). My last relationship was with a guy 7 yrs older though.
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