RunawayTrain Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Hi I just wanna say that for a 31 y/o male I am flabbergasted at what I am reading. I have never I repeat never let a female pay on any date I ever went on regardless of weather or not she had a hairlip and a twitch or she looked like the Geico caveman. I guess im old fashioned in that sense. Never let a woman pay, not my style.
sally4sara Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Hi I just wanna say that for a 31 y/o male I am flabbergasted at what I am reading. I have never I repeat never let a female pay on any date I ever went on regardless of weather or not she had a hairlip and a twitch or she looked like the Geico caveman. I guess im old fashioned in that sense. Never let a woman pay, not my style. Let? I always thought it was gentlemanly to respect a lady's wishes. Some ladies wish to pay their own bill.
skjd1220 Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Most of the guys I have gone out with lately make a very clear move to take the bill from the server or grab for it immediately. If they make sure a clear move to grab the bill, i don't do the fake reach and simply say thank you. In the past, one guy told me he almost didn't ask me out on a second date because I seemed intent on giving him money, which he thought meant I wasn't interested. If they do pay, I pay for drinks after or the next activity to be fair. If the bill comes and just sits there, I offer to pay my share. No one has taken me up on it, but I don't expect the man to pay.
missdependant Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I offer to pay my share if he was the one who asked me out. If I asked him out on the date, then I offer to pay for both of us. Maybe I am just lucky having only dated gentlemen.. but I've never had to pay for the first date. The guy has always footed the bill. If the guy offers to pay, I let him. If I like him, I offer to take him out for drinks or dinner or whatever another time.. If I don't like him.. well at least the date was free.
StayinFree Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I think it's old fashioned to expect the man to pay all the time ... like back in the days of Hugh Beaumont and Barbara Billingsley (Ward and June) ... it's not like that anymore, times are different, and I like the new ways so much better ... NOT because I'm cheap ... but for other reasons. I must say though that whenever I invite, I pay, but more because I made the invitation. Anyway ... so far, I've always paid for the first date and wanted to. The fake reach is OK I guess, but not necessary I know this thread is about the FIRST date ... but I'd like to add ... It's a turn-off to be with a woman who has this idea that the guy always pays ... like he's not a gentleman unless he pays. Their ARE still women like that and so far, they were just friends of the girl I'm dating. They open up and talk about it in fron of me ... about all the great guys who pay the way and the bums who don't. I have noticed though - that gentlemen who do all the right things don't seem to win the girl very often.
Kamille Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Usually, the guys I was out on date withs had ways of letting me know they were footing the bill, like reaching for it with a firm "I have this". In those cases, all that's left to say is "thank you". If the bill arrives without a clear sign he intends to pay, I'll offer to split the bill. In all cases, the guy insisted on footing the bill and I didn't insist. If a guy were to say yes, I would take it as a sign of low interest on his part.
Author DarkestDreams Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Thanks for all the replies, everyone. I appreciate all points of view. Keep 'em coming In my case, I have been raised in a very traditional society, yet I don't have the traditional mindset that the men always have to pay for everything. From a cultural point of view there are a lot of differences when it comes to dating, regarding money, dating multiple people or exclusivity. I'm just trying to wrap my head around it all.
RunawayTrain Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Let? I always thought it was gentlemanly to respect a lady's wishes. Some ladies wish to pay their own bill. Well, the ladies I have been with never really made a real stink about it. Once the bill comes I take it, pay it, end of story. I never actually had a woman express an interest in actually insisting on paying. I have gotten the usual responses such as "Are you sure you got that ?" or "Oh you shouldn't have" or "Ill leave the tip".
dressing up Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I usually reach for my purse just to be stopped by the guys. But I won't mind paying, even for both of us, because if he did let me pay for both of us, he won't see me again. LOL. I have no problem either paying for myself (points deducted) or have him pay for the entire dinner but I stop at paying for him on the first date.
Trialbyfire Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I know this thread is about the FIRST date ... but I'd like to add ... It's a turn-off to be with a woman who has this idea that the guy always pays ... like he's not a gentleman unless he pays. Their ARE still women like that and so far, they were just friends of the girl I'm dating. They open up and talk about it in fron of me ... about all the great guys who pay the way and the bums who don't.So stick to the first date topic. As you can see, there are many women in this thread who believe in going dutch on the first date. Not me though. I have noticed though - that gentlemen who do all the right things don't seem to win the girl very often.Can't say I agree with this either. The men with manners got much further with me, than the ones who didn't have them.
Asami Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I always expect to pay for my share. I feel guilty if I don't. But it all depends on the guy as well. One guy I dated would not allow me to pay for my share of the first date. The last guy I dated....the first time we went out we were to meet at the movie theater. He sent me a text asking if I was almost there and that he was there waiting in the lobby....already purchased HIS ticket and everything. So yeah that time I had no choice but to pay for my own which was okay sine I planned on it anyway. I guess everyone is different though. same here, I've always doe the dutch thing..
BobSacamento Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Reach for it? I don't even bring it. What are you some kind of drifter?
BobSacamento Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I always pay for the first date. If I'm asking a woman out I don't expect her to have to pay. It's my job to make sure she has a good time. However, if she puts up a stink I will allow her to pay for her share. Sometimes women like to show that they can take care of themselves. I really don't take offense to it really, I almost take it as a compliment - unless she doesn't return my calls lol. I'm not really into submissive women so it kind of turns me on.
patcha Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I offer to pay my share for all my dates. If they drive, I offer to help pay for gas. The guys always end up paying though. So I just get a bottle of water or something really inexpensive. I always try to find something we can do for free. On dates with girls, we automatically go dutch. When we're an official couple, then sure, I'd let them pay for everything.
pandagirl Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I always offer to pay, but my efforts are always thwarted by the guy. On my first date with my current guy, he reached into his wallet to pay for our drinks and realized he didn't have cash! So I said, Oh don't worry, I can get it! So I paid for the first round, and when the second round came, he said: "I'm sorry, I have to go get money. I cannot let you pay for me!" haha. After the first few dates, I don't want the guy to pay for everything. It's certainly a nice gesture, but totally not necessary nor do I expect him to pay.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I kind of wait to see what he does. If the check comes and he just looks at me, I start reaching for the bill (fake reach, as SG put it). Generally they snatch it away and pay for it before I get a chance. But IMO, I really agree that if he was the one that planned it and did the asking, he should pay. Now - if I have ZERO interest in ever seeing the guy again, then I insist on paying my way. So, yeah - I can see where they'd get a bad impression.
Lyssa Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I never pay for the first date. If there was a second one, I'd offer to pay - most of the time, I get that "don't you dare" look. As for having coffee - I'm gonna shoot the next person that says THAT is considered a date! IT IS NOT!
clv0116 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Since the man asks me out, plans the date within his means and I agree to it, shouldn’t he expect to pay? That's the way I see it, and I don't get upset over paying. It's just money. I let the server know when we order our meals that it will be on separate checks. This is the only way to split a check in my opinion, well done. I'm a fan of separate checks if people are paying separately. Nothing puts a weird mercenary end to an evening like dates or friends fumbling around making change and generally ending the date like a cashier.
butcher's hook Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 This is the only way to split a check in my opinion, well done. I'm a fan of separate checks if people are paying separately. Nothing puts a weird mercenary end to an evening like dates or friends fumbling around making change and generally ending the date like a cashier. Imagine if we did that for business dinners no one would win any clients that way, that is the tackiest thing I have ever heard for a date.
sally4sara Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Imagine if we did that for business dinners no one would win any clients that way' date=' that is the tackiest thing I have ever heard for a date.[/quote'] I understand with business dinners that this wouldn't work; you're buying their business. If you apply this mindset to a first date, what are you buying when you pay for her meal? I just want to find out more about them and let them find out more about me. Nothing is "for sale" just yet. THAT would be tacky IMO.
butcher's hook Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I don't see it as buying business I see it as hosting a fun outing to win over business. If you want to buy business why not pay someone flat out? The same as dates, and paying for a first date. You are hosting a fun evening to win someone over. The reason I feel it is the men's job to win over the woman via paying for a date is because men can't do anything else that women can't do to show their appreciation for them. Sex for men is not a good way to show appreciation because they have sex with anyone and there doesn't need to be a promise of love behind that where as when women give of themselves sexually she does promise of love. So leaving that aside which is the major discrepancy in how the genders relate there is nothing else that women do to men differently than men do to women. What other way can a man show a woman promise to love then where it hits him the hardest and that is parting with his hard earned money? A man who is truly interested in a woman will not mind parting with his money. Just as a woman who is truly interested in a man will not mind parting with her sexuality to show him admiration. They are different ways in which the genders show appreciation.
Lizzie60 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I know the topic of who should be paying and when has been discussed to death, but I’m interested in how it pertains to the first date. I’ve been doing online dating lately and I have noticed that a lot of men do not pay for the first date. I don’t consider this to be necessarily a sign of lack of interest, since some of them ask for a second date. Since the man asks me out, plans the date within his means and I agree to it, shouldn’t he expect to pay? I’m always willing to pay for my share, it’s not a question of money, but one of dating etiquette. When the bill comes, I reach for my wallet and I am ready to pay, regardless of my level of interest in the person. Some of the guys have no problem accepting it. I do say “some”, because I’ve had men who felt insulted at the idea. Most women will offer to pay only when they’re not interested in a second date, so I think I might send the wrong signal. So ladies, do you offer to pay your share on a first date or not? I have offered to pay before.. but it never happened that I paid on the first date.. if there is more than one date.. I will pay for the next one.. and so on.. I do NOT believe that it's the man's duty to pay for the woman... Aren't we supposed to be 'equal' ????
clv0116 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I just want to find out more about them and let them find out more about me. Nothing is "for sale" just yet. THAT would be tacky IMO. Nothing is ever for sale, I prefer to just pay for the date but if she is gonna insist on paying her part then separate checks is the way to go.
butcher's hook Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I just want to find out more about them and let them find out more about me. Nothing is "for sale" just yet. THAT would be tacky IMO. Ahh what's this "yet" business? Not sure how you operate but nothing is ever for sale when it comes to my mating rituals.
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