TheLittleCircle Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been going out for about 11 months now. We have minor fight every other day about little things (mostly me turning little things into gigantic problems). Then, if that wasn't enough, I've been feeling a little confused about whether I still love him starting 2-3 months ago. There were many instances when I would propose that we break up based on the fact that I was angry (which I would later realize as a pretty foolish act). About a week ago, we were in an argument and this time (unlike the other times I tried) he agreed to break up with me. At first I was fine, but as the next day progressed, it started sinking in. I spoke with a couple of people and for the first time (it's amazing what a break up can do to you) a lot of my problems became clear. I realized that all those confused thoughts of whether I loved him or not were just my way of retaliating against feelings of missing him, because we were both busy and had less time to hang out with each other (even though it was still 5/7 days of the week, which is more than the average couple). At that moment, I realized a lot of things about relationships (this being my first, and me being so naive): - Even though relationships are supposed to work smoothly, it still takes work. You can't just sit there and wait for something to happen. - Breaking up is not the answer to little problems. Only break up if you've tried everything to save the relationship and nothing seems to work. - Once you lose someone it's very hard to get them back. You must cherish them and let them be themselves. That might seem like a "NO DUH!" and I know people have told me those things before. But it wasn't clear to me until I broke up with him. (You never know what you have until you lose it...) The next day after I broke up with him, I went to his house and apologized. I explained what I had realized and asked him if he would go out with me again. He told me to give him a couple of days. About two days later, I came back and asked him again. He said he wanted a break, but I was confused. (I didn't find out what a break was until yesterday... >.<) I told him that it was the same as going out so why not just go out. He finally agreed and we got back together. But this time he said he didn't want to call me every night like before (which is killing me) and doesn't want to hang out with me as often. The next three days we hung out but it felt a little awkward. The first day, it was my graduation and he, my family, and I went to eat. The next day, we went to an amusement park with his friends. When we got home, it felt pretty good like everything was normal again. We texted each other a bit after we got home. The third day, it was a beach party we were both supposed to attend. He was supposed to drive me there, as we had planned two days ago (the day of my graduation). But now the thought of going with him made me nervous and anxious. I don't know why. Is it because I'm afraid that we may break up again? I wasn't sure. I decided to call him and ask why I'm feeling weird (yeah I know, why are you asking someone else about what you're feeling). He said it was because he wanted a break and I wouldn’t give it to him. So, I agreed on the break although it is more like giving him space. He has a different definition of taking a break, which I agreed to: - We are still going out and will not look for other people. - Hang out 1-2 times a week. - Call every couple of days. It’s been three days of us taking a break now. I called him once two days ago to ask about a camera and that was it. Then, I called again today (after about 3 days of not calling) to just talk. But I called him too early (about 10) and he was still half asleep. I asked him if he wanted to go back to sleep and he said yeah. =( I know he says he still loves me, but I don’t know what to do. I know he wants space because I’m too clingy, but isn’t three days long enough compared to the every single day phone calls? He says he wants more time to spend with his friends and it’s been three days of us not hanging out. Do I give him more time? Do I keep calling him every couple of days? And why does it feel awkward whenever we hang out? Is it because I’m missing him and know it’ll be a long time before we hang out again? Is it because I’m scared of another break up? Does he even like me still? Sorry for the long story… >.< Please post your thoughts. Thank you.
boogieboy Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 If feels awkward to hang with him because you can feel that he isnt into you the way he used to be. So if you want to lose him permamently, keep calling him. Otherwise, have some patience and self restraint, and let him initiate the calls and texts from now on. That way you know he definitly wants to hear from you. If you want to know where you stand, you drove him away and he doesnt enjoy your company as much as he used to. If he contacts you less and less, then you know he is seeing someone else.
Author TheLittleCircle Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 (edited) My boyfriend (now-ex) did end up breaking up with me (about an hour after I posted the thread). He called me and asked if he could come over; obviously, I was excited that he decided to come over, but in the back of my mind, I had a feeling that it would happen. He told me we could be friends, and I agreed, since we promised we would be friends if we ever break up, which I've realized now is easier said than done. After the break-up, we went through a bunch of different phases from being friends to complete ignorance to almost reconciling and currently barely acknowledging each others' existence. I'm not going to go into detail about my recovery, since this is the "second chances" section. But for those who are looking for second chances... Apparently, he only wanted break, but during our conversation he called it "breaking up." Although he wanted to break up, he said that someday in the future (by future I thought he meant years, while he meant weeks) we may get back together. He wanted a break to create space, in hopes of fixing our relationship. We tried to stay friends for about 2 weeks, but after miscommunication and assumptions, we ended up in NC for 2 more weeks. A month after our break up, I broke NC to mend our friendship. I asked him to talk and he agreed. The first two weeks of friendship were really rocky, but after a month and a half of our break up, he wanted to reconcile. Unfortunately, I did not agree. I still loved him and really really wanted to be with him again, but during our break, he started having a thing with his ex, who was the main cause of my distrust with him during the relationship. Although I indulged in thoughts of us together, I knew that the break up did not solve anything. If I went back to him, the problems would still be there. Although I had a tough road ahead, I knew going back to him would only bring me temporary happiness but months/years of idleness and discontent. Edited June 16, 2010 by TheLittleCircle
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