ShyK Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I'm going to bring you all up to speed: My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half now. We began dating after I ended a very heartbreaking 8 year relationship. We started off as friends but quickly fell in love. At the time, he was a real estate entrepreneur who was sort of down on his luck considering the housing market wasn't doing well. However, I didn't care about that. I told my mom about him and she immediately questioned his financial stability. To her, he didn't have a job. So that was the 1st thing she attempted to drill in my head about him. Funny thing about that, my mom's an entrepreneur too! She also accused him of not speaking to her on a couple occasions that we visited her house. Good grief! I began to believe she just didn't like him. Eventually after a few months, "his instability" started to have an affect on our relationship. Of course that thrilled my mom and gave her reason to say "I told you so." He and I argued continuously because I work full time and was in school but his real estate business wasn't showing any return. I would never interfere with a man's dream but I felt that he should have done something else until his business picked up again. Well as months went on we continued to argue and make up. Things got a bit worst and he called me a bi*ch on 3 occasions and a couple of other words. As an attempt to gain forgiveness from both me and my mother, he called to apologize. Somehow, the conversation he had with my mother veered in a totally different direction. Long story short here's what happened: I briefly stopped seeing my boyfriend December of last year. I went on a couple of dates with another guy who was going through a divorce. I never lied to my boyfriend about anything so I told him about it. Somehow that came up in the convo that he had with my mom (while he was only suppose to apologize). She didn't know that the guy I went out with was even married. Anyway, he assumed and accused me of sleeping with this man and he got into a biblical aspect of it with my mom. He said something regarding the bible, divorce, and a woman's menstrual cycle. ??? Yeah I know it sounds bad. I really don't remember this subject in the bible but if you do please fill me in. Nevertheless, I agree that he was totally out of line to discuss such with my mother. But for her to lose all respect for him was a bit extreme. He's human! He really hurts behind my family not liking him. Because of what took place with he and my mom, I didn't see my mom for the first time during the holidays. I felt torn apart. She says right to this day that he's not welcome in her home. She even told family about him which has caused them to have a biased opinion. I wish I never confided in my mom because she took the negatives about my relationship and used it against me. My boyfriend and I are still trying to work it out. Things are much much better between us now. We're even talking marriage. However, my mom and stepdad still hates him. She mentioned to me today that she just doesn't trust him and to watch my surroundings. I have a cold and she told to me throw away my meds implying that he would put something in it. That's BANANAS! I know that he sincerely loves me. He shows it. We have problems like any other couple! I also know that my mom is thinking of what's in my best interest. I shouldn't want to have to choose. If he and I don't work out, I don't want it to be because of my mom. PLEASE HELP!!! WHAT DO I DO???
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Oy. I've been on your side of things. Seriously. My mom HATED my XH before we got married. She tried and tried and tried to talk me out of it. I got married and we ended up not speaking for almost 2 years, I think (can't remember for sure). Well, yeah...moms aren't complete idiots. This might sound bad, but kind of like dogs, they have an instinct about this kind of thing. Something smells "off" to her and she's only trying to help. Sometimes they don't have the best way of being delicate to their daughter's feelings when they describe the problem. Really - unless your mom is off her rocker in other ways (talking to empty space, spewing bible verses about everything, ruining ANY relationship you try to have including friendships), try not to be too hard on her. I'd say her frantic efforts to keep you away from him are because she doesn't want to see you get hurt. Like watching somebody walk towards a cliff and you're YELLING at them, and they just tell you it's none of your business. That's hard for a mother. I learned a lot by pushing my mother out of my life. Mainly - she knows a lot more than I originally thought. If he really is what you both (you and him) think he is, then let time prove it. I know that isn't easy, but your mom isn't enraptured with the feelings you are feeling for your BF - she's an uninvolved 3rd party.
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