WhyYesThankYou Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 So I'm sitting at home, getting on with my life. I finally think I'd accepted that he wasn't going to call, didn't really care that much, etc etc. My phone rang, which surprised me as not many people have my home phone number [unlisted], and I know the whereabouts of everyone who has it - they're either busy or asleep. But it was him. I heard him say who it was, and I was stunned for about a second, then I quickly thought, "What do I do? Do I ask what he wants? Do I talk to him? Am I glad to hear from him?" I said nothing and just hung up. Am now going into a mad cleaning frenzy to keep my mind busy. How DARE he interrupt my life with a phone call after weeks and weeks of silence!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do these people have a way of knowing when we're back on an even keel, so they can get in there and try to muck it up?!?!??!
jqb05443 Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 wow you are strong. I could never do that. Good for you
waitingpatiently Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Great job! You did the right thing. They always seem to call when you're finally starting to move on with your life and no longer worrying about where they are, or what they're doing. I'm pretty sure he got the point now!lol...
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 Thanks for the support. It's nice to know there are some other people in my "corner"! The weeks of silence gave me time to think about things, think about the whole relationship in perspective. And I realised that even if I did hear from him again, even if he started off talking all "nice," that he would probably pretty quickly turn it around into everything being my fault, and him being perfect, and how I have to change if I want him back. Well, I don't need that. I don't need that sort of put-down and manipulation. Having said that, I did have a few moments last night of, "Did I do the wrong thing? Should I have asked what he wanted? Should I have listened to him?" But then... he sent me the following text:Just wanted to meet up and talk at some point- if you were up to it. Didn't have to be serious or anything. That's okay. I had just wanted to see you. Bye. That's exactly the sort of crap he did throughout the relationship. Like, if I don't want to meet up with him, it must be because I'm "not up to it." As if there's a problem or a weakness in me. As opposed to: I'm fine, I've thought about it, and I'd rather do just about anything than see him. And his absolute lack of understanding or empathy that it can be unsettling for your ex to call you out of the blue! It wasn't even an email or a text or something that I could have read and POSSIBLY responded to! It was just an invasive, aggressive act, that phone call. So I hung up. And I'm glad I did. And thanks to you guys for listening and supporting.
NopeNah Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 That's right! He's being selfish! Again...GOOD JOB!
DarkestDreams Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I said nothing and just hung up. Flawless! You deserve a cookie for that
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Flawless! You deserve a cookie for that Wow - support AND a cookie?! You guys are the best!!!!!
waitingpatiently Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Omg! This guy sounds just like my ex! Except for if he said he wanted to see me it would have just been for sex. Another reason why I am sooooo glad to be out of that relationship. See how no contact makes you soo much stronger? I'm glad i'm doing it. So did you ever reply to his text? (i'm guessing not lol)
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Omg! This guy sounds just like my ex! Except for if he said he wanted to see me it would have just been for sex. Haha... Well, this particular guy has always seemed to prefer a good mind f*** to actual sexual f***ing. (In fact, we were together for a year, and he never managed to... you know... which is one of the many many many red flags I should have noticed and heeded earlier!!!) So did you ever reply to his text? (i'm guessing not lol) No way!!! I still have it on my phone, but that's mainly so I can have the occasional glance at his number. I'd deleted his number after the break-up; now I just want to remind myself of it so I'll know to ignore it if it shows up as an incoming call. I also wanted to say that in terms of my "being able to do this," just hang up on him and not reply etc, it's not like I'm Superwoman (as some of the above posters hinted at). It's more that I've had time to think about all the bad stuff in the relationship that I couldn't see when I was in it and when I was still in contact with him, and also, reading other people's experiences on LS has been really helpful. It seems that very little good comes from contact with an ex. So in that sense, it was fairly easy, when I heard his voice on the phone, to think: "Do I want to expose myself to feeling hurt again? Do I want to open myself up to that?" And the answer was NO. I have to say, the resulting buzz from having ended the phone call so quickly AND ignoring his text message has been its own amazing reward. I feel pretty cool. Although there's a little part of me that's worrying, waiting, for the visit, the letter, the email... (I suspect he will HATE being ignored.) But I'm going to focus on the fact that I've successfully ignored him twice in a row. And I'm sure that if he tries anything else, I can ignore that, too.
waitingpatiently Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 lol! Yea we always seem to pass up the red flags. But the good thing about it is most likely you'll know what to do in future relationships. Good job on passing up the pain..(by not responding to him) Yea he probably will keep sending you messages now, but you'll feel good some more ignoring him!
D-Lish Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Haha... Well, this particular guy has always seemed to prefer a good mind f*** to actual sexual f***ing. (In fact, we were together for a year, and he never managed to... you know... I'd be hanging up too! Good for you.
patcha Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 I wish my friend was like you! When her guy called her up after a few years, she cussed him out! But then went out to dinner with him. ugh!
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