Lucky555 Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 So this is about one of the guys i like: The one line sentence guy if anyone remembers. He would send me online messages via online. I stopped responding to them and he contacted me three times this week talking online for 2 hours each time. Ok so we get along well. He mentions he works a lot. yes he does during the week and i know this. However he has the weekends off. i know this. our conversations are flirty, friendly and fun. I enjoy them He leaves me comments everyday or sends me things online. He said this end of the month, he has a lot going on with work. (just this month) hes not dating anyone either. But he doesn't call and hasn't asked for a date. I do know the guy in person. He has made efforts to chat and talk. lately he has been complimenting me too. So what is he doing? I'm playing it cool and not expecting much to happen again because I don't want to get my hopes up. I have learned through dating that giving him breathing room is needed, i don't want to come on too strong. He has initiated every time. I respond. So? whats up with this.
dethfire Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 "he's just not that into you". I have many "girl friends" that I flirt with am attracted to but for various reasons have stopped short of dating them. stay friends with him, but give up on dating him.
boogieboy Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 So he always has weekends off, even when hes busy, but he still doesnt make any time for you? Cut your losses. Start to become too busy for him, and see how he reacts.
skjd1220 Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I recently had this scenario with someone I started dating. First few dates were great, he was always contacting me. Then suddenly, he got 'busy', was out of town, was super busy at work. At first you think, ok, he's just blowing me off. But then, he continued to contact me and was always very flirty. I kept the hope and even blew off a few other guys. In the end, we never went out again. I sort of suspect now that he probably liked me but was almost dating some other people and trying to make a decision, keeping me on the hook while he decided. My advice you to, keep busy, date other people and don't count on anything from him. If he comes back and actually asks you out, great and you can see where you are then, but keep looking. Sorry- I know how frusterating this can be!
WTRanger Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Maybe, just maybe he really is busy. Maybe he uses his weekends to relax and being all nervous and feeling like you have to be "on" during a date isn't how he sees himself relaxing. Maybe it could be an excuse, maybe not. If it really bothers you, call him on it. Tell him that while you enjoy all of the flirting and what not, you aren't sure where it's going or where anything is. He initiates all of the contact right? That's a good sign, if you were the one doing all of the initiating I'd say he was blowing you off. Obviously he has time to talk to you for 2 hours, so he's really not that "busy" so to speak. So call him out. Get the answer from him. If he blows that off then ditch him, even if he's "too busy" that's total BS. No one is that busy to make even a little time to be with someone.
Author Lucky555 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Maybe, just maybe he really is busy. Maybe he uses his weekends to relax and being all nervous and feeling like you have to be "on" during a date isn't how he sees himself relaxing. Maybe it could be an excuse, maybe not. If it really bothers you, call him on it. Tell him that while you enjoy all of the flirting and what not, you aren't sure where it's going or where anything is. He initiates all of the contact right? That's a good sign, if you were the one doing all of the initiating I'd say he was blowing you off. Obviously he has time to talk to you for 2 hours, so he's really not that "busy" so to speak. So call him out. Get the answer from him. If he blows that off then ditch him, even if he's "too busy" that's total BS. No one is that busy to make even a little time to be with someone. He usually contacts me during the week and usually one of the weekend days. During the week i can see why he wouldn't date and contacts me. ON the weekend he contacts me at least one day and talks, he usually is just at home relaxing and hes not seeing anyone! This is why i am like ok.....why doesn't he ask me out on the weekend? Yes he initiates all the contact!! This is why i don't understand. I'm not chasing him and i figured he would ask me out if he wanted to a long time ago and that is why i don't start contacting him. I'm defiantly keeping my options open because I have learned a long time ago to do this because sometimes it just doesn't work out. I won't be heartbroken if hes not interested but its puzzling to me, I have not asked him out anywhere but he VOLUNTARILY says what he has going on his life. sometimes i wonder why is he even telling me this stuff because im not asking him. So the solution is to be less available see what goes on. I won't completely blow him off but as i see it i shouldn't be talking to him for 2 hours which totals about 8 HOURS of my life usually weekly. I should use those hours doing something else. This week i will limit the contact severely. see how it goes. As much as i enjoy the conversations I am not getting complete fulfillment.
Asami Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 "he's just not that into you". I have many "girl friends" that I flirt with am attracted to but for various reasons have stopped short of dating them. stay friends with him, but give up on dating him. I know that sounds cheesey but it seems like the case, I would suddenly become too busy to be bothered as well........who the hell is so "busy" they can't spare a little time? whatevs:rolleyes:.
mortensorchid Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Yeah, unfortunately, "he's just not that into you". Better move on to someone or something else.
WTRanger Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Maybe I'm just clueless, but if he wasn't that into her then why in the world would he contact her so much? Seems to me, if he wasn't that into her it'd be her doing all the contacting. You may have to pull some testicles out of your purse and wear them on this one. This guy could be shy or afraid to ask you out. Have you maybe sent some signals to him that maybe you aren't interested? Don't give up so easily. If you really like him, YOU start things up. Don't be waiting around on him anymore. Just do it. Ask him out, tell him, whatever. But you do the action. Then and only then will you have your answer. Why sit around wonder all of the time? It seems like a waste of time. You know where you want this to go. Show him the way, and if he chooses not to follow you then that's his sorry ass loss.
dreamergrl Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I recently had this scenario with someone I started dating. First few dates were great, he was always contacting me. Then suddenly, he got 'busy', was out of town, was super busy at work. At first you think, ok, he's just blowing me off. But then, he continued to contact me and was always very flirty. I kept the hope and even blew off a few other guys. In the end, we never went out again. I sort of suspect now that he probably liked me but was almost dating some other people and trying to make a decision, keeping me on the hook while he decided. My advice you to, keep busy, date other people and don't count on anything from him. If he comes back and actually asks you out, great and you can see where you are then, but keep looking. Sorry- I know how frusterating this can be! Yeah, I've been through this too. Eventually he had a girlfriend he was madly in-love with, over night. Move on!
dreamergrl Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Maybe I'm just clueless, but if he wasn't that into her then why in the world would he contact her so much? Seems to me, if he wasn't that into her it'd be her doing all the contacting. He's got her on the back burner. He has her just in case...
butcher's hook Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 He enjoys the ego stroke of flirting with you but that's about it. I would not expect anything at all from him. If a guy wants you he makes time to see you out. Anyone who just keeps it online is only enjoying the banter, that's it.
Author Lucky555 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 so i started no contact with the guy. If he is interested he would be asking me out. Bottom line. I know this. I'm not heartbroken but a little bummed out because we get along great. He also has not contacted me, usually he sends a message everyday...that stopped maybe it was because I sort of recognized he had a bit of an attitude when i last spoke to him and i simply said that i didn't think it was right. I didn't deserve his attitude and i think the fact i have been acting more aloof with him as put a damper on his "chasing" me online (haha) sorry had to laugh. (total 2 days NC). This seems like a silly highschoolish thing to do by having this online romance that i think he has conjured in his mind. He kind of was acting out in response to my being out all night for a drink. He had asked me if there was anything new going on in my life, i simply said nope, thats when he started the attitude. I have no obligation to say or tell what i do. As you all say "he would be making time to hang out" He has a my number and e-mail. If he really wanted to do something he would say so (hey at least there is an "online" option).
Left in a Lurch Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 He has a my number and e-mail. If he really wanted to do something he would say so (hey at least there is an "online" option). And he is sitting there thinking she has my email and phone number if she really wanted to do something she would initiate the contact just once. And so the game continues. "Yes he initiates all the contact!!" After a while that does get old. For the first few weeks I contact the woman all the time but after a while I like her to prove she wants to be with me like I proved it to her, and I want to feel a little valued by her. A lot of men like equal footing in a relationship and not always being the one that has to prove something to the other person in a one-sided way after a while. I work a lot during the week too but my schedule is very flexible. Even though I can make time whenever, dating seems like a more work than work if I have to initiate everything. I am going through this now waiting for a return call as I type this after 3 reschedules of a date the past week. It's not that I am too busy to date, but I am borderline burned out and having to plan a date, get ready, and dedicate 1/2 a day on the weekend is too much a lot of times. We get along and she is a lot of fun, but as soon as think about going out I feel like I'll be tired and probably lame in my date planning. I will tell you that if she called me back and said Saturday I am going to XXX and I want you to come pick me up at 7:00, it would seem more like fun because I don't have to decide what interesting place to go that I can expect she will judge me on my choice of venue, when, how, and all that. Another thing is that trying to make plans during the week for the weekend, I am tired and don't feel like doing anything so I tend to feel like I won't want to do anything on the weekend because that is my current frame of mind. When the weekend comes and I am more relaxed and I am more receptive to making plans, so maybe contact him on the weekend and ask what his plans are and see if he includes you.
Author Lucky555 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 And he is sitting there thinking she has my email and phone number if she really wanted to do something she would initiate the contact just once. And so the game continues. "Yes he initiates all the contact!!" After a while that does get old. For the first few weeks I contact the woman all the time but after a while I like her to prove she wants to be with me like I proved it to her, and I want to feel a little valued by her. A lot of men like equal footing in a relationship and not always being the one that has to prove something to the other person in a one-sided way after a while. I work a lot during the week too but my schedule is very flexible. Even though I can make time whenever, dating seems like a more work than work if I have to initiate everything. I am going through this now waiting for a return call as I type this after 3 reschedules of a date the past week. It's not that I am too busy to date, but I am borderline burned out and having to plan a date, get ready, and dedicate 1/2 a day on the weekend is too much a lot of times. We get along and she is a lot of fun, but as soon as think about going out I feel like I'll be tired and probably lame in my date planning. I will tell you that if she called me back and said Saturday I am going to XXX and I want you to come pick me up at 7:00, it would seem more like fun because I don't have to decide what interesting place to go that I can expect she will judge me on my choice of venue, when, how, and all that. Another thing is that trying to make plans during the week for the weekend, I am tired and don't feel like doing anything so I tend to feel like I won't want to do anything on the weekend because that is my current frame of mind. When the weekend comes and I am more relaxed and I am more receptive to making plans, so maybe contact him on the weekend and ask what his plans are and see if he includes you. This has been going on for over a month. however, that is an interesting point of view from you. I didn't realize that maybe asking him out on the weekend is different from the weekday. (But i really want him to get some courage because I want a man who can take control and go for what he wants) However, like I said its been over a month of this online stuff and never once asked for a date. (I drop hints of where I would like to go or places that are nice, i have been doing this for about two weeks.....he doesn't say anything) This makes me believe what others have said that its just him having a bit of attention and fun (totals 8 hours a week). He and I can talk and laugh for awhile and time goes by fast. He works a lot during the week and does have a pretty big responsibility for work but on the weekends he just hangs out at home and really doesn't do anything. (see he could ask me out but chooses to just sit at home and it also makes me believe hes not interested) Why should I ask him out when I won't ever be a priority...he would make me a priority by asking me out. I can't do the online talking anymore i rather watch tv or talk to another guy and see if it takes off (see hes wasting my time) He has had plenty of opportunity and it was pretty clear i liked him by the way we were corresponding...so it isn't like there could have been a rejection issue. I'm going to keep NC. Maybe i will sign online one day this week and he may or may not talk to me. It will be him contacting me...I'm still put off by his attitude to me from the last time i talked to him because he was jealous. Its not my duty to give him details about where I go and what I do. I think he wanted me to elaborate and I never did, he never asked directly anyways. Its like he wants to keep me "interested" and "all about him" but thats not happening for me because relationships require actual human to human contact! NC for now still.
Trialbyfire Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Lucky, you're still acting a certain way to get him to react the way that you want. Do you know what's more effective? Honestly not caring if he contacts or not. You have a life outside this guy so get out an enjoy it. This means dating, hanging out with friends, and just doing what makes you happy. Think about it this way, he's certainly got a reaction from you, through his actions.
Silly24 Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Maybe he has a girlfriend or wife, he is not happy with, but not ready to leave. If this is the case, you are simply a fun distraction from his daily grind. Get out! If he calls, call him on his behavior and ask what the issue is? You can't loose...what; he won't see you? Who cares, you need peace of mind.
Left in a Lurch Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 The one thing I should have added is yes, he definitely should have asked you out after so much contact and if you are dropping hints and he is not responding, either he is not interested or pulling a d-bag move. Just because he didn't ask you out doesn't mean he is not confident. If you went out he might be the cockiest bastard you ever met who thinks the world turned by the swing of his dick, so asking him out you may find out he is different than what he comes off as, in that case he would still be that confident guy you are looking for. He just might be trying to up your interest by keeping open the communication long enough for you to go mad with passion for 'that guy that doesn't seem to want you'. I can say when there are women I have been friendly with but not interested in, they seem to really want me more and I know guys that use that. Maybe he is playing that game, showing passive interest to get you all flustered. Either way, good luck.
Asami Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Lucky, you're still acting a certain way to get him to react the way that you want. Do you know what's more effective? Honestly not caring if he contacts or not. You have a life outside this guy so get out an enjoy it. This means dating, hanging out with friends, and just doing what makes you happy. Think about it this way, he's certainly got a reaction from you, through his actions. Trialbyfire very good point...
DarkestDreams Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 You're wasting precious time of your life on this guy, Lucky.
Author Lucky555 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 You're wasting precious time of your life on this guy, Lucky. I agree.
Author Lucky555 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 It sounds like he is either moving very slow, or maybe interested in other girls too, or just happy with a close friendship. Ya makes sense. I think cutting out the contact and limiting is best. I think i should have done this a long time ago. I'm keeping my options open most definitely. I'm not hung up on this guy because I have kept a level head about it and how nothing as happened to indicate something will happen.
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