Jersey Shortie Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 First any person that is calling this girl a gold digger is compleletly wrong. I honestly don't think it's a question about how much MONEY spent, but how much effort was put into it. What appalled me about him tossing a bag of candy to you while you two veg in front of the TV was the lack of imagination. I don't care about a price tag on a date, but if he can't even use his BRAIN to make a girl feel special, that's what bugs me. Guys can be so lazy. So, yeah - the DATES bothered me, but not the PRICE of the dates. It costs the same exact amount to go on a hike somewhere with a picnic basket and that bag of candy to watch a sunset instead of the television Exactly. It's the big talk he has and the little effort that is the problem here. The OP doesn't sound liek she is looking for anything over the top. I am surprised at some of the comments here.
Art_Critic Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 you mean after 18 it gets even worse?!?!?!?! lol, I guess I should bid shrodley if I want that new car Yeah.. Even now being married, a date still costs me my left nut..
dreamergrl Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Yet the title of this thread is.. "If he doesn't spend much money on me, then he isn't into me?" Some where in her mind OP thinks the amount of money spent on her shows the interest level.
butcher's hook Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 He's just a selfish cheapskate, he won't change in time. If you want a lifetime of that then continue on. Your conclusion is not off, but he can be into you just more into spending money only on himself.
samspade Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I don't spend "much money" on women in the early dating stages, and that has never discouraged them from staying interested and becoming intimate with me. However, I do spend a little, and put in effort to make each date special. Attraction takes care of the rest - most women who want to be with me aren't picky about the where, when, and how much. I certainly do better than a bag of candy and the television, however. Even now being married, a date still costs me my left nut.. If you're married or in a LTR, it's good to treat your woman to something extravagant from time to time. However, early in courtship, there is no need to be going to expensive restaurants and buying fancy gifts when you barely know the girl. You're giving her a free ride when she hasn't even proved that she's interested in you. You also will come across as pathetic in trying to "buy" her affection - something for which she will never respect you. As for the OP, she needs to think about whether she cares about enjoying his company, or having money spent on her.
Trialbyfire Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I think this thread is a perfect example of why "promise less, deliver more" works best!!
butcher's hook Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 As for the OP, she needs to think about whether she cares about enjoying his company, or having money spent on her. Can I give a man a box of pasta I found in my pantry, for Valentines? I can't eat refined starches anyway so win/win. A bouquet of flowers that can be purchased at any convenience store is a whopping $5. I mini box of chocolates, it he wants to give her candy, is also a whopping $5 at a convenience store. It's the act of thinking of the woman via a small gesture that counts not the amount he spends. A bag of rancid candy from his kitchen because HE does not want to eat the candy is not only completely selfish it is disgusting. I would be offended if I were the OP.
samspade Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 It's the act of thinking of the woman via a small gesture that counts not the amount he spends. A bag of rancid candy from his kitchen because HE does not want to eat the candy is not only completely selfish it is disgusting. I would be offended if I were the OP. I agree with you, and she should leave him and not worry about it if she doesn't want to be with him. But spending more money on her does not necessarily make him less selfish. If, instead of candy, he tossed a pair of Manolo Blahniks on her lap, and then turned on the football game and ignored her, does that suddenly make him better? I'm willing to bet there are plenty of females who would "stick it out" a little bit longer in that case.
Trialbyfire Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 No, throwing spiked heels at someone, is abusive behaviour. Shoes embedded in the forehead, are not an attractive fashion statement.
butcher's hook Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 If, instead of candy, he tossed a pair of Manolo Blahniks on her lap, and then turned on the football game and ignored her, does that suddenly make him better? I'm willing to bet there are plenty of females who would "stick it out" a little bit longer in that case. In my experience the two extremes you gave an example for are not exclusively linked in reality. I like how men will justify cheapness with the idea that only generous men will treat women like crap, when the direct opposite is true. Generally speaking, selfish men when it comes to spending any sort of money on women also translates into other displays of selfishnes in other areas in the relationship. I tend to peg a man's generosity right from the getgo, and yes even in superficial ways as his spending will denote what he is like in general. The worst part of this example I think is the fact he got her all excited about something as natural as taking her to a restaurant and he never pulled through. His words, so he created the "expectation". Yet he has plenty of money to save up for his own trip? How would a guy feel if a woman said to him "I can't wait to get naked with you show you just how much I love by doing this this and that to your hot naked body." Then, she makes out with him for a while gets him all hot and excited, gets up and leaves him hanging high and dry, and that day never comes. Would she be considered healthy in her approach? How many men would stick around for that?
butcher's hook Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Just before anyone jumps in to say not to compare sex to spending money at a restaurant, I'll say they are perfect examples of how each gender shows love. For a man to have sex with woman is not showing love because he has sex with anything that moves if he wants to, but women tend to be more selective in that so they are good examples of how each one shows their appreciation and admiration. If men took sex as seriously as women do then they wouldn't have to "buy" them love.
carhill Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 For a man to have sex with woman is not showing love because he has sex with anything that moves if he wants to Thanks for pointing that out
butcher's hook Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Thanks for pointing that out Tell me I am wrong, in general, and I will gladly apologize for anything I have said that was untrue.
carhill Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Tell me I am wrong' date=' in general, and I will gladly apologize for anything I have said that was untrue. [/quote'] Poll the LS males for anecdotal evidence of generalities. You already know what my answer will be
EddieN Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Do you make empty promises? I hope not because that's a poor way to expectation manage, as well, it also illustrates how someone deals with life, not being straight up. If you have little, just accept it within yourself. Take the girl for coffee and milkshakes and that's all fine. Once again, the guy is full of it. I wouldn't trust someone like this who pretends to be someone he's not. No, I wouldn't make any promises, but I would make surprises. Eh, I've been rethinking this, and giving the OP the benefit of the doubt, there's something wrong with both of them. If this guy is telling this girl things and then doesn't do them, then yeah, that sucks. As I said, I wouldn't say anything...I would just get her the roses or whatever and surprise her with them. Who knows though, he might have meant he'd do those things for after his trip. Still though, I wouldn't bother getting her hopes up and then not doing it. But the OP isn't an angel herself either, since she seems to be measuring her value for this guy based on what he gets her.
butcher's hook Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Poll the LS males for anecdotal evidence of generalities. You already know what my answer will be No need for a poll, men have been the same since they were created.
dreamergrl Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Seriously... OP questions FIRST if little money spent is equal to little interest. Also, if she wants the fancier things, who to say she isn't asking for it, begging for it, and the guy wants to get her off his back, and says "Fine, I'll take you." We don't know the whole story. And given how OP approached the subject, I think she wants more the fancier things.
butcher's hook Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Why would the OP lie? What's the point of taking out a thread asking for opinions if you are going to lie? I choose to believe the OP. But that's my choice. So given the facts I chose to believe I gave my opinion on the matter.
dreamergrl Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Why would the OP lie? What's the point of taking out a thread asking for opinions if you are going to lie? I choose to believe the OP. But that's my choice. So given the facts I chose to believe I gave my opinion on the matter. Even if she's telling the whole truth, which I don't think she's telling everything, maybe the guy is putting money aside to take her out some where. Maybe he's doing the best he can saving for his trip and taking her out. My point though really is that if she's not happy with the dates, then move on to someone else. But I guess for me, fries and a movie, or going to get milk shakes, I like that kind of stuff. I don't need fancy dinners or whatever. And I don't expect it off the bat. Maybe after a few months of dating, but not four weeks.
butcher's hook Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Even if she's telling the whole truth, which I don't think she's telling everything, maybe the guy is putting money aside to take her out some where. Maybe he's doing the best he can saving for his trip and taking her out. My point though really is that if she's not happy with the dates, then move on to someone else. But I guess for me, fries and a movie, or going to get milk shakes, I like that kind of stuff. I don't need fancy dinners or whatever. And I don't expect it off the bat. Maybe after a few months of dating, but not four weeks. I see what you are saying Dreamergrl and the first part of your post is totally valid. The last part all I can say is, a burger and fries is not special you can get that any day. You wouldn't dress up for that and it is not considered a "special occasion" or outing. Like for example would it be special to have a man over and cook him a romantic dinner or would it be just as special if you told him you wanted to eat together and he brought his own dinner? You are still spending time with him eating so why would you cook him dinner? We do because it is a special gesture we make to show another our appreciation. There are different levels in the shows of appreciation we demonstrate for others.
dreamergrl Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I see what you are saying Dreamergrl and the first part of your post is totally valid. The last part all I can say is, a burger and fries is not special you can get that any day. You wouldn't dress up for that and it is not considered a "special occasion" or outing. Like for example would it be special to have a man over and cook him a romantic dinner or would it be just as special if you told him you wanted to eat together and he brought his own dinner? You are still spending time with him eating so why would you cook him dinner? We do because it is a special gesture we make to show another our appreciation. There are different levels in the shows of appreciation we demonstrate for others. I refuse to cook until after 6 dates These are things I'd rather put off until later - putting in the heavier effort. Different people also show things differently. Not everyone is one to wow a person. Some people are more homebodies. Others like the more simple things. I think his idea of 'dating' isn't compatible with hers, but he likes her and is gonna tell her what she wants to hear to keep her. Either they find a common ground, or move on. But given the title to this thread... I don't think OP will be completely happy with a hike or other suggestions. I think she has higher expectations.
samspade Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 How would a guy feel if a woman said to him "I can't wait to get naked with you show you just how much I love by doing this this and that to your hot naked body." Then, she makes out with him for a while gets him all hot and excited, gets up and leaves him hanging high and dry, and that day never comes. Would she be considered healthy in her approach? How many men would stick around for that? That is a great analogy, actually. I think you've nailed it for a lot of women. Just before anyone jumps in to say not to compare sex to spending money at a restaurant, I'll say they are perfect examples of how each gender shows love. For a man to have sex with woman is not showing love because he has sex with anything that moves if he wants to, but women tend to be more selective in that so they are good examples of how each one shows their appreciation and admiration. Yes....men need to "show love" by spending money on women. Women can then show their appreciation for money spent by reimbursing the man with sex. I think you're onto something here. Or maybe there's something more to it...such as a man should want to put forth an effort to make a woman feel special (without resorting to spending a fortune), and a woman should appreciate his gestures if they are genuine (without having to feel cheap), and sex can can be an expression of those feelings of desire and appreciation (without it being prostitution). My point though really is that if she's not happy with the dates, then move on to someone else. But I guess for me, fries and a movie, or going to get milk shakes, I like that kind of stuff. I don't need fancy dinners or whatever. And I don't expect it off the bat. Maybe after a few months of dating, but not four weeks. Dreamergirl gets it. I've had a lot of great relationships with women during which I spent no more than $50 in the first couple of months, by my estimate. I believe the guy should pay and not be a cheapskate, but that doesn't mean he should be taking her to the Four Seasons and buying her flowers. Drinks, movies, small but thoughtful gifts. Let her prove that she's interested in you for you.
Adunaphel Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Like other posters, I would be wary of guys who say they want to do something and do not keep up with actions. This thread reminded me of the very first guy I dated... He used to hint that he might send me flowers (I also got the extra information that he liked to send white roses) ... after a few hints and no flowers I decided that I would surprise him and sent him a dozen red roses. (I thought of it of a lovely way to show that I was not materialistic). He freaked out and we got into a huge argument... I wonder how OP's bf would react if OP took him out to dinner and spent money on him. IMO if he refused to let OP spend money on him would be a much worse sign than the fact he did not keep up with his good intentions. That is, unless *he* is a gold digger. But he might be just a guy who does not have too much money to spend, is not very imaginative and is not very romantic. Perhaps an hint might do (about romance, not about spending money) - some guys just do not get it that girls like romance but are happy to try when someone reminds them, who knows.
butcher's hook Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Yes....men need to "show love" by spending money on women. Women can then show their appreciation for money spent by reimbursing the man with sex. You said that, not me. If men were not so casual about sex, which I may remind you it was men who created the "no strings attached" sex scenario, women would be more than happy getting sex as a show of appreciation and true adoration. Because men will have sex when there is not intention for love at all, men themselves have made it so that they have to up the ante in order to show women they care. Romance is the eqhivalent of what sex is for men.
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