questionheart Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Ok so our first date we went and got some milkshakes. He really liked me. Weve been together a month now and he tells me he loves me and im the best and calls me everyday. He told me that he wanted to buy me flowers and take me out somewhere nice to show how much he cares-that never happened. The nicest date we had involved getting fries and a movie. I always try to be sweet and not complain because I figure that hopefully things might get a little nicer. Well our last date was spent watching TV. He gave me an old bag of candy that has been sitting in his kitchen for 2 months because he didnt wanna eat it and knows i like candy. then, later on in the night, he tells me that he is saving up to travel. so now im disturbed that he is putting money into a trip that will be in another country away from me for a week!!!!!! ( altho he says he wont be doing it this year, but anyway.) Is he just not that into me???
alphamale Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Is he just not that into me??? no, he's just not into spending money
hoping2heal Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 It sounds like he's only spent that, because it's all he can afford. Doesn't mean he doesn't like you, he just can't afford more than that at this time.
D-Lish Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 He gave me an old bag of candy Better than an old bag of tuna.
dreamergrl Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 It sounds like he's had other things planned for his life prior to you. Who cares what you do, as long as you enjoy each other?? It's not about quantity. It's about quality.
Kamille Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Better than an old bag of tuna. Is it just the cold-medication or is the shack on a roll tonight? It sounds like he's had other things planned for his life prior to you. Who cares what you do, as long as you enjoy each other?? It's not about quantity. It's about quality. I completely agree. And I don't think you should be upset that the man you've been seing for one month has travel plans that don't include you. Maintaining your own lives are important. All in all, I would say you have nothing to worry about. I usually offer to chip in anyway. That way, if we want to do something special like go to a restaurant, we can negotiate it together.
Island Girl Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 The nicest date we had involved getting fries and a movie. I always try to be sweet and not complain because I figure that hopefully things might get a little nicer. Sorry hun but you are a bit materialistic. Better to know this ahead of time because he sounds frugal (a good thing nowadays) but if you aren't there are troubled waters ahead. This is your issue. Either you take it in and address it/change it or accept it and look for a man that is more to your taste. then, later on in the night, he tells me that he is saving up to travel. so now im disturbed that he is putting money into a trip that will be in another country away from me for a week!!!!!! ( altho he says he wont be doing it this year, but anyway) Rather disturbing that you see it as alarming that (IF the two of you were still together in a year) he'd leave for a week?! A week is not a big deal -- when people change jobs they sometimes have to leave for weeks of training. Really -- a week is no big deal and it is a bit clingy that you'd have a problem with it (especially so early in the game and you are already thinking that...!).
Thornton Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 And how much $ have you spent? You can't complain about him not spending money if you haven't spent any either.
Intricategirl Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Seriously, look at your title and tell me how the term "golddigger" doesn't apply. My ex bought me everything I wanted. My house is filled to the rafters with endless amounts of meaningless crap. He bought me crap because he couldn't bring himself to feel anything for me, felt guilty over it, and tried to "buy" me to assuage his guilt. The right guy for me will take me to the park, or out stargazing. He might buy a loaf of bread so we can feed it to the ducks and geese outside my apartment. He will NEVER under any circumstances buy me red roses OR diamonds, but if he feels so moved, he can pick a beautiful wildflower for me. And when my friends ask me what he got me for Valentine's Day, I'll answer, "Really insanely good, crazy-@ss sex, and I think I've still got a few twigs in my hair from it."
Citizen Erased Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 The amount of money spent on you is not the way to measure how people feel about you. He has a life, he wants to travel. If you want to go somewhere nice, pay for it yourself or pay half. It is not his responsibility to be your meal ticket.
Cherished Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 The problem is that he SAID he wanted to buy her flowers and take her somewhere nice but has yet to do it. Honestly that is NOT cool. If he doesn't do this withing a month or so, I would start thinking "What the HELL?" Even if he IS saving for a trip, he can still take you to a nice place and buy you flowers....because he SAID he would. That is a ploy to keep you hanging an is dishonest if he doesn't follow through. Also, maybe he mentioned the trip so that YOU could start saving so YOU can go with him!
bean1 Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 No doubt this vacation was planned long before he started dating you and might cost a lot of money. Only a needy/clingy person would put travel dreams on hold for someone they have dated for 4 weeks. He has a life outside of you
Cora Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I think as long as you enjoy spending time with him then how much money he spends or doesn't spend on you shouldn't matter. As long as he treats you well in other ways. I wouldn't expect a guy to buy me things or spend a dime on me really. Maybe some women are different. I just think there are so many more important things than material things. If he shows you how much he cares about you in other ways then why should it matter?
D-Lish Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Is it just the cold-medication or is the shack on a roll tonight? Meh- I'd settle for an old bag of candy right now Kami . I pay attention to how a guy treats me more than how quickly he pulls out his wallet. He may just not have a lot of money at the moment!
dreamergrl Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 The problem is that he SAID he wanted to buy her flowers and take her somewhere nice but has yet to do it. Honestly that is NOT cool. If he doesn't do this withing a month or so, I would start thinking "What the HELL?" Even if he IS saving for a trip, he can still take you to a nice place and buy you flowers....because he SAID he would. That is a ploy to keep you hanging an is dishonest if he doesn't follow through. Also, maybe he mentioned the trip so that YOU could start saving so YOU can go with him! Nooo he said it is what he'd like to do, but he has been wanting to do other things in his life. People have lives before the person they are presently dating. If it doesn't mix in with what she wants, then she should move on. Never expect someone to spend money on you, never expect someone to drop previous dreams and plans because you come into their life. If you like them enough to be with them, then appreciate what they want and can give. It's about equality. Not what you can get.
Jilly Bean Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours.
Author questionheart Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 Nooo he said it is what he'd like to do, but he has been wanting to do other things in his life. People have lives before the person they are presently dating. If it doesn't mix in with what she wants, then she should move on. Never expect someone to spend money on you, never expect someone to drop previous dreams and plans because you come into their life. If you like them enough to be with them, then appreciate what they want and can give. It's about equality. Not what you can get. no he told me that he wanted to show me how he much he cared for me by buying me flowers or taking me someplace nice. he also at one point asked me if i wanted to go to an amusement park with him, i said yes, but that never happened either...
Island Girl Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours. Laugh Out Loud Funny. Seriously. :lmao::lmao:
dreamergrl Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 no he told me that he wanted to show me how he much he cared for me by buying me flowers or taking me someplace nice. he also at one point asked me if i wanted to go to an amusement park with him, i said yes, but that never happened either... And you need a guy to prove that he likes you by spending money on you? Maybe he'd like to do these things, but can't. He has a dream, a want, that was there long before you. If how much a guy can spend on you is what's important to you, then let this poor guy go, because he can do better.
Citizen Erased Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 no he told me that he wanted to show me how he much he cared for me by buying me flowers or taking me someplace nice. he also at one point asked me if i wanted to go to an amusement park with him, i said yes, but that never happened either... Well why don't you organise something? If you expect others to show how they care by spending money on you, shouldn't you do the same? It's only fair, correct?
Isolde Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 He sounds sweet and probably does see things developing with OP but to be fair, I know people who aren't exactly swimming in cash, that take their dates out for dinner every now and then. If he were that badly off, he wouldn't even be considering travel. I don't think the OP is being a gold digger; it's just more usual in the early stages of dating to actually "go out" vs. just "hanging out."
mortensorchid Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I had two extremes in that department. I had a serious boyfriend a few years ago who had a very complicated sense of financial priority. He would drive 70 miles out of his way for a sale, never went out to spend needlessly on anything, purposely not go places or do things because he said he had no money. Then just when you thought you had it figured out, he went out and spent on some completely frivolous little toy without rhyme or reason. But this toy was something that only HE wanted and only HE played with. It was never something for anyone else. On the other extreme, I had another bf who was the opposite. He constantly spent on everything, and he bought tons of stuff both for himself as well as me. It was very shocking at first, I'd never had anyone spend so much on me (flowers, trips, etc.) ever. Over time, though, he began to change. He saw his spending as a means of buying my affections. Over time, he thought that since he had spent so much on me (and other gfs past) that people weren't being very nice to him when he was so nice to them. This was not the case, as he turned very abusive and miserable on me, then it was over like that. These are two extremes here. The first came off as cheap, the second came off as extravagant. The bottom lines were, they were both selfish. In different ways. Not that this man is like them, but he sounds more like my first example. Just something to think about.
Isolde Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 mortensorchild, exactly! I'm not saying this guy is selfish, he's probably not, but the fact he can't even afford to provide snacks at his house except for old candy is a bit weird. I'm not saying that going out for an expensive dinner is important at all. But I think what the OP wants is a romantic experience, and that's not unreasonable, in my eyes, as it makes dating more fun. OP, definitely suggest a low cost date where you split half, something like going to a nice park or such.
Author questionheart Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 How frequently are you seeing him? coupla times a week
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