JenniferxO Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Hi Guys! Im new here, so please bare with me. I am definitely in quite a tough spot right now, and could use anyone's advice -(thankyou in advance!) - My boyfriend, Mike,(21) and I (20) have been on and off for a year and a half. He is quite indecisive (immature quality). Anyways, Last July he decided he wanted to take a 'break'.. we made terms as if it were not a break up but simply time apart. He went to a party, and slept with a girl that night. Ten days later, he told me. I was heartbroken. You name the emotion, Im sure I felt it. I gave him another shot. (I did that to one of my ex's, so i figured it was karma) So we were back together, for another few months.. he was on house arrest for about a month due to a dui - so I spent every weekend at his house.. doing nothing. I sacrificed for him. Anyways, one weekend, I decided to go out to a party while he was home - it was a birthday party for a mutual friend & his ex. He couldnt go because he was still on house arrest. I made it to his house by 11 pm cause I didnt want to worry him, and we broke up that night. Two weeks later, he was free. He slept will a girl, on a few different occasions. Then another few weeks later, slept with his ex girlfriend. All the while, I was still sleeping with him. He didnt tell me anything until 5 days after he slept with his ex. Ive had it by that point.. so Mid december, I drank way too much, and slept with one of our mutual friends. Mike was very upset I did that. We eventually got back - then he ended things on valentines day. I wasnt going to stand for it.. so I decided to paint the town red. I went out and partied, even ran into that ex girl of his. Things werent very pretty. The time we spent broken up, i slept with two people, and dated one of them. The guy I dated was one of mikes friends. Not a good idea. However, Mike and I reconciled our differences, and got back together in mid April. For the past month or so, he has been demanding space. I give him space, because in return, i want it aswell. So he goes out all weekend, with friends, and doesn't give me the time of day. He calls me to hang out, and its always the same routine. Mike can be such a selfish jerk sometimes. Only thinking of himself, and his needs. But then there are times he is great. Although, more than ever, he makes me feel worthless to him. He acts like he doesnt care for me or what I have to say. Its very upsetting. So tonight, I was tired of all the endless games, And decided to end things. I told him I do not want him a part of my life anymore. He did not have much to say. =( Im not sure what to do, and how to move on and really stick to it. He always has had a way of laying on his charm. * Sorry for the novel, and Any advice would be great. Thankyou! *
hoping2heal Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Do you want to be unhappy for the remainder of however long you allow him to be in your life? Because what you want this man to be, and who he trully is are two different things. If you know you're going to weak , then put up defenses. Secure a way to not have to deal with him, see him, hear from him etc. Otherwise in a weak moment you will want to salve your wounds and it will work short term, but in the long term you will be back at square one, and much more miserable than say the pain you'll have of letting go of this person, and moving on.
nittanylion Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 This is a toxic relationship. Stop the heart ache now. You should move On and never Look back. He is not a good person, and dont care about your feeling. He is very selfish individual. I think you will find someone who is way much better than this person.
ON MY OWN Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 First I would like to say I am sorry for you feelings being so direspected. I lived most of what your living only my fiance didnt cheat on me but met someone two weeks later and was engaged to her within a month. He pulled alot of the back and forth BS from January, when he told me he didnt want to live his life without me and we celebrated and were so happy. Then we seemed to be fine. Towards the end of March he bought me a wedding ring and while it was being sized broke up with me. I left the day after Easter and have been back there ( in another state ) 3 times. Once to visit, the other to see him and ended up bringing a few things back and the last time I packed some stuff. He embraced me like he never wanted to let me go and cried and we held eachother for a long time crying and he said "why does saying goodbye have to hurt so bad?" We still have some stuff to fugure out and me and a family member are going to get the remainder of my stuff in a few weeks. I have felt what your feeling and I personally would move on. Dont let it get to that point because the hurt gets worse than one can even begin to imagine with a situation like that. That pain is a kind noone should have to go through, it is so needless and cold hearted. Once it gets so dramatic there ends up being a lot of pain and resentment and if two people look at it differently it tends to get uglier and harder to deal with. There are certain things you just dont to people, like break up with them on Valentines Day!! What is that? I dont even know but there is a certain standard of treatment to another human being and it is also tied in with the respect factor as well. There is someone out there for you that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Hold your head up high, keep busy with plenty of activities that you enjoy, frineds and see a counselor if you get the feeling you are still "stuck" or begin to feel too depressed. God bless you dear and remember to be good to yourself!!
nature Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Do you like who you are when you are with him? Other than when he is on house arrest at home so you know he can't go anywhere. But do you like the person you are in general when you are involved with this type of relationship? I'm suspecting not. Always walking on egg shells. Always being an opponent in a game. Always trying to one up him when he hurts you -- he sleeps with a girl, so you go out and sleep with a guy. I don't imagine this is how you really are. And I don't suspect this is what you really want from this relationship. I'm assuming you have been sticking with this guy because you are hoping he will suddenly realize he's being an idiot, and will suddenly turn into the type of boyfriend you really want. The kind of boyfriend who doesn't need to ask for space because he cherishes you so much. The kind of boyfriend who doesn't go out to party with his buddies and blow you off the entire weekend. The kind of boyfriend who loves and cares about you so much, than he has no desire to sleep with other women. I think that is what you really want. And you were hoping by being the devoted girlfriend, sitting by his side while he was on house arrest, that he would realize how amazing you are. Unfortunately, this guy is too mentally and emotionally young.....too self absorbed, so ego involved, too in love with himself at this stage in his life to love someone else. And the hardest thing for you to do, is to accept this. Sometimes we beat our heads against a wall because we don't want to accept something that is so obvious. So we look for every excuse in the book and accept treatment far less than what we truly know we desrve. Accept the things you cannot change (him) and change the things you can (you). To be involved in a relationship like this, it takes an awful lot of emotional energy. It sucks you dry. And doesn't leave much energy or joy for anything else meaningful. What are you doing with your life now? Are you working? If so, are you happy at your job? Are you going to university? If not, have you ever considered going to school and focusing all your amazing energy on bettering yourself and your life, rather than on some selfish jacka**?? Some things to think about. We get treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated. He treats you like crap because you take it. Isn't it time to think better of yourself? And mean it and follow thru on staying broken up? You say you are alone now. But really, you were alone the whole time you were with him as well. He was not emotionally invested in your relationship, or committed. Show him that you are better than the way he treated you. Do not go back and accept it anymore. Never make someone a priority who sees you as an option.
Author JenniferxO Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 Thank you all so much for the advice. I really appreciate it. It has opened my eyes, even wider than before. I am now accepting the obvious; the things I refused to accept before. I am trying to focus on me, and what I am going to do with all this free time. A lot of my friends have gone along there own paths, because they too, didn't agree with my situation with mike. Feels like I chose Mike over them.. big no no. My goal now is to rekindle those relationships, and learn from all this. Oh to be so young and naive.
m00nstone Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I have dated a guy like Mike, only this guy was more extreme about sleeping around. I was 19 and completely blinded by the fact that someone was even interested in me. Four years later, I do still talk to this guy every so often, and he claims that he has changed. If that's true, good for him, but if not, oh well. I'm not interested anymore. Moral of this story is: you're young, not too much younger than I am, but it is really strange how much a person can change at this time in his/her life. I know I have. And because you're young, you have the power to take full control of your life and make the decisions that you will not regret 10, 20 years down the road. They're not usually easy decisions and usually take a lot of work on your part, but it's worth it when you see the results.
desertsun09 Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 The whole time I was reading your post I was cringing, thinking of all the STD's you guys could be racking up between the two of you. You may want to get tested, just to be sure. This guy deserve you.....you can do better! He doesn't respect you.
flyguy23 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 this is a crazy story, both of you guys need to just move on, you both have made some mistakes that can never be forgotten, i say you use this experience and grow and mature for your next relationship
Mike B. Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I feel that nothing great can come out of the relationship between you two at this point. A lot of things happened that has changed the relationship forever. Like said above, you have to use this experience as one to grow on and you both should move on and don't look back.
stace79 Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Hi Guys! Im new here, so please bare with me. I am definitely in quite a tough spot right now, and could use anyone's advice -(thankyou in advance!) - My boyfriend, Mike,(21) and I (20) have been on and off for a year and a half. He is quite indecisive (immature quality). Anyways, Last July he decided he wanted to take a 'break'.. we made terms as if it were not a break up but simply time apart. He went to a party, and slept with a girl that night. Ten days later, he told me. I was heartbroken. You name the emotion, Im sure I felt it. I gave him another shot. (I did that to one of my ex's, so i figured it was karma) So we were back together, for another few months.. he was on house arrest for about a month due to a dui - so I spent every weekend at his house.. doing nothing. I sacrificed for him. Anyways, one weekend, I decided to go out to a party while he was home - it was a birthday party for a mutual friend & his ex. He couldnt go because he was still on house arrest. I made it to his house by 11 pm cause I didnt want to worry him, and we broke up that night. Two weeks later, he was free. He slept will a girl, on a few different occasions. Then another few weeks later, slept with his ex girlfriend. All the while, I was still sleeping with him. He didnt tell me anything until 5 days after he slept with his ex. Ive had it by that point.. so Mid december, I drank way too much, and slept with one of our mutual friends. Mike was very upset I did that. We eventually got back - then he ended things on valentines day. I wasnt going to stand for it.. so I decided to paint the town red. I went out and partied, even ran into that ex girl of his. Things werent very pretty. The time we spent broken up, i slept with two people, and dated one of them. The guy I dated was one of mikes friends. Not a good idea. However, Mike and I reconciled our differences, and got back together in mid April. For the past month or so, he has been demanding space. I give him space, because in return, i want it aswell. So he goes out all weekend, with friends, and doesn't give me the time of day. He calls me to hang out, and its always the same routine. Mike can be such a selfish jerk sometimes. Only thinking of himself, and his needs. But then there are times he is great. Although, more than ever, he makes me feel worthless to him. He acts like he doesnt care for me or what I have to say. Its very upsetting. So tonight, I was tired of all the endless games, And decided to end things. I told him I do not want him a part of my life anymore. He did not have much to say. =( Im not sure what to do, and how to move on and really stick to it. He always has had a way of laying on his charm. * Sorry for the novel, and Any advice would be great. Thankyou! * You should delete him from your life in any way. Block his calls, block his e-mails, throw away anything that reminds you of him. He is an arse, first off. Second, I would really recommend you begin respecting yourself more! Sleeping around with as I counted it four guys (including your bf) in this time period? That's pretty dumb IMO. Accepting him back after cheating on you twice? No guy respects a girl who doesn't respect herself. Have some dignity! You both deserve better from your relationships!
EmptyPromises Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 im sorry but this guy seems like such trash. i know its hard..im going through deciding to let my SO go too...but it looks like you guys are on completely different paths...hes a waste & has nothing going for him. the fact that hes sleeping with girls the night you guys break up tells you everything..hes not in love...
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