Cora Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I have been talking to this guy I met off of eharmony for awhile now. He is really nice and sweet....almost a little too nice and that scares me. He is really down to earth and a true gentlemen! He has every quality I would love to find in a man someday. The only problem is I don't feel any chemistry whatsoever! I just feel nothing. I know that could change if I ever met him in person but I'm just not into it. I figured if only I could force myself then maybe I could grow to like him. It's just not working out that way. It is becoming almost a chore to have to write him back every now and then. He will usually respond within a day or two but I sometimes take a week or more. I'm sure he has noticed this and I usually just say it's been a hectic week for me or whatever. I can't do it anymore and now I fear he is going to want to meet me very soon because he has hinted around multiple times. I just kind of shrug it off. I thought about just not responding anymore but that would make me a hypocrit when I complain about guys doing that to me so I can't do that. What should I say to him to end it? On the other hand I'm afraid to end it because it's nice to talk to him when I'm feeling lonely and I like keeping him around when there is no one else better who is interested in me. WOW that sounds selfish right? So what should I do? I know he is in this because he is ultimately looking for a relationship. I don't want to waste any more of his time but yet I don't want to lose him. I don't know if that makes any sense? How should I go about this? What should I say to him? I know I could just say we could be friends but then he could meet someone else someday and then I would never have a chance with him if I ever decided I wanted to give things a shot with this guy. I just need some advice on this because I can't keep this guy hanging much longer.
Raderick Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 You really can't gauge chemistry unless you actually meet the guy. You'll find out after a couple of dates if you two "have it" or not.
refurb Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Hmmm... it sounds like you don't want an actual relationship at all. To say you don't feel chemistry for someone you've never met is very weird. I'd be honest with him. Tell him you enjoy his friend and the communication, but you're not looking for a relationship with him. RF
Author Cora Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 Thank you! I don't know what it is. I can't explain it really. I know you can't know for sure if there is chemistry there before actually meeting someone. I guess before whenever I have met someone online I have been a little more into it so to speak than I am this time. I have just never let it get this far with anyone without saying anything or telling them I wasn't all that interested. I pretty much let them know right off the bat. Now I guess I'm a little afraid that I have let it go too far and now this guy seems so excited about meeting me and I know it would be pretty selfish of me to allow him to go on thinking this. I do want a relationship someday. I just don't think it's with this guy. I'm only being honest. I may decide to meet him and see how it goes from there but right now I'm just not feeling it.
Author Cora Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 You know what...forget that last post. Maybe you're right. Maybe I don't want a relationship. What's the point really of looking for something you may never find? I just need to suck it up and tell him now. I just don't think it's meant to be. I just need to quit looking period!
Lindarose84 Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Honestly, I think you DO want a relationship. If the scumbag that we've been discussing in your other threads all of a sudden suggested wanting a relationship with you, I think you'd go for it in a heartbeat. I think he's the reason why you're not really opening yourself up to guys who may actually treat you the way you deserve to be treated (whether it be because you're still hurting from what's been going on with the jerkwad or you're still holding out hope that he'll come around and do a 180). Before you count someone out in terms of lack of chemistry, you need to meet the guy first. There's only so much chemistry you can gauge through emails. I think the fact that you're on eHarmony is great because at least you're putting yourself out there and trying to move past turd guy but you need to completely open yourself to it if you plan on really moving on with someone new.
Author Cora Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 I don't know anymore really. I'm just confused! I'm not good at judging people anymore. Well, I don't think I ever was good at it. First of all I should be able to tell when someone is going to be a jerk. There are always signs in the beginning. Even when I do see those signs I choose to overlook them and It's like I don't have the courage to end it. Instead I keep it up and get even more involved until I get hurt. I guess I don't think I deserve any better or wont be able to find any better so I better stick with what I have. But when they end things there isn't much I can do. I don't know why I'm even dating really. It's just going to happen over and over again until I can change. I don't know how to change. Anyway, thank you.
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