brock9911 Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 no matter what i do i cant stop dwelling on my situation. as if my worlds ending and im about to break. i get dumped from an 8 year relationship after being accused of cheating when i never did. but she did cheat on me 4 times and i still tried to make it work. my ex than finds out im kinda seeing this other girl who was supposed to be a hook up. she than leaves on a 2 1/2 month cruise for a semester at sea and is than goign back to tennessee for college. now that shes gone, im constantly thinking of her, what shes doing, is she with someone on the ship. all because i like her and she likes me but we didnt want to become attatched due to the circumstances. to make things even better, now that this girl is gone, my thoughts of my ex are now back in my head full force. sever depression, anxiety, and dwelling on every little detail. how the hell do you deal with this $h!t, when on top of it im constantly looking to fill the void. especially the fact that im constantly feeling down on myself. im looking around at every couple and thinking that i want that again but i wont find it. my minds a mess.
wow123 Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 I know what you mean about obsessing over the situation and the events that lead up to it. What I'm doing is going out with friends as much as possible on the weekends which gets mind mind off things temporarily. I'm really not sure what else we can do.
Author brock9911 Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 yeah iv been doing the same thing, but ever since this all happened, iv been self destructive. drinking way to much, smoking, which i never did, but it deff mellows you out and cleans your mind. im not liking the person im starting to become. negative, and down. im not the fun person i was. i feel like a drag down to my friends family and coworkers cuz im not the person i was. except when the new girl came around, than i was bouncy and happy like a little girl.
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I feel you, man. I know how hard it can be and I know how hard it IS. And I agree, love does suck. 96% of the time, at least. You haven't started on doing something that is widely recommended when going through a heartbreak. FOCUS ON YOURSELF. Find a hobby. Seriously. Start working out. Start painting. Learn how to play an instrument. Learn a new language. It doesn't even have to be big like that. Learn the lyrics to every song on your favorite album. Try to improve your penmanship (lol). Memorize the lines to your favorite movie. Whatever works for you. Usually when people go through this they go through the whole, "I want to just curl up in a ball and rot," stage. But after sometime, they tell themselves, "What am I doing?" And that's when they get up, immerse themselves into something and only focus on moving forward. I think you're still stuck in the "I want to curl up in a ball and rot," stage. It's time to get up and take charge of yourself again! Everything will be okay, I promise.
Author brock9911 Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 thanx. i try to keep myself busy. i work like crazy, and im a draftsman so my penmanship is already great lol. but whats hard is i work on a computer for a living and all i can do is think. and i have access to email and facebook and myspace so im always checking it, trying to see if one of them sent me something. its horribleim trying to kick myself out of this, but i think meeting a girl so soon after the breakup didnt allow me to actually cope with the loss of my ex. it just masked it.
wow123 Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Ya man your'e probably right. She was your rebound girl so youre just now starting to grieve the loss of your gf. She has put you through hell...have you considered talking to a professional? Alot of people do it and they say it helps alot.
Author brock9911 Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 my doctor wants me to talk to a therapist, but i work alot n i hate having to fill them in on my whole life. i dunno i should stop being stubborn n just go. and hell isnt even the word. shes sent me taxt messages that she stil loves me yada yada. she keeps playing with my mind
wow123 Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 If you're 100 percent sure you don't want her back call your wireless provider and have her number blocked. And there's no shame in talking to a therapist man you have been put through the ringer. If the depression gets bad enough you may not come out of it for a long time. Nobody has to know that your'e going except you.
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Only try to follow the advice I'm about to provide when and if you're serious about moving on and recovering. I'm aware of the fact that you're most likely depressed right now and when people are depressed, it blurs out any logic way of thinking. But please try to find some common ground in your mind, think about it for a few days and really think about what you want. Delete your MySpace and Facebook. The only reason you shouldn't do this is if you have friends out of state or out of the country you need to keep in touch with. Be honest with yourself about this, too. When we go through this, we tend to make excuses NOT to do things. And that's one of the worst things you can do. So for example, you tell yourself, "I can't delete my MySpace because I have to keep in contact with my best friend from middle school." and it turns out your best friend from middle school lives 20 minutes away. Also, if your friends out of state/country have email. You can keep in touch that way. So, there shouldn't be any excuse for this one. Don't check their MySpace even after deleting yours. Some people's profiles are still open to the public if you're not their friend and even if their profile is private, you can still see their default picture, mood, etc. So, it's tempting to check their page either way. Be hard on yourself about this! Treat it like a drug addiction. Believe me, the more you focus on not checking their sh*t, the easier it gets not to. Until you get to a point where you're not even tempted anymore. And besides, overtime you get scared to because of what you might find... which is what happened to me lol. Now, I don't know about you but I never memorize numbers. I have them programed on my phone and that's that, why the need to memorize it, right? So when my girlfriend and I broke up, I deleted her number and everybody connected to her that ended up on my phone somehow (her sister, her friends). So that problem took care of itself. Basically, block out any way of communicating with her. Make a new email. Do as much as you can. And when those thoughts start creeping in, remember it's so you can heal. Don't give up hope. I had a friend who got out of a 7 year relationship last August and there's people here on LS who have gotten out of relationships way longer than that. It's possible, I promise. 8 years is a long time, but anything is possible. Just get in the right mindset, and keep moving forward.
Cora Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I agree that love does suck! I have only fallen in love once in my life but I seriously hope I never do again. It's just too painful!
Author brock9911 Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 Thanx. i dont exactly know what it is. maybe being in a broken home or having a f'ed up family (which most people do have) but iv always been susceptible to love. iv never been a loner. i like the company and the companionship. its like quiting ciggarettes which iv done. you may not need the nicotene after a while, but the habits are still hard to break. cracking the window, grabbing a smoke after you eat, sex, or having a couple before work with your coffee. taking the breaks at work. well now i have no person to come home to, no one to wake up to or sleep with. no phone calls during the day to see how my day is. its awkward and lonely.
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Thanx. i dont exactly know what it is. maybe being in a broken home or having a f'ed up family (which most people do have) but iv always been susceptible to love. iv never been a loner. i like the company and the companionship. its like quiting ciggarettes which iv done. you may not need the nicotene after a while, but the habits are still hard to break. cracking the window, grabbing a smoke after you eat, sex, or having a couple before work with your coffee. taking the breaks at work. well now i have no person to come home to, no one to wake up to or sleep with. no phone calls during the day to see how my day is. its awkward and lonely. I understand. It really is scary, and as you said awkward and lonely. I remember the first week there was a thunderstorm on my way home from school and I felt like texting her and telling her. Just the small things you're so used to doing. That morning call before starting your day. It's hard. But sometimes, we have no choice. If they don't want to be with us, there's nothing we can do about it. After having them around for so long, it's hard to see yourself alone again. But believe me, after the worst subsides, things start getting exciting. Instead of being upset about your loss, you start feeling excited for what's next. It seems scary at first, but it goes away. Honestly, I'm not sure if the feeling excited thing is a step towards moving on. But it sure sounds like it, right? You'll get to a point where you can't take it anymore. And when you finally take the initiative to heal, come on LS and read people's suggestions on how to cope properly. It'll be hard, you'll have doubts, etc. but as long as you keep 'following the rules', you'll thank yourself later. Good luck.
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