Author MusicChick24 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 You realize that this is a control issue, don't you? The difference is that the issue encompasses both of you. I'm glad that the two of you are able to work through this. As long as his search for manhood doesn't trump the relationship needs, it's all good. And as long as you learn to step back, so he has enough control within reason, it's all good. If either part of this issue gets overwhelming, then it appears to be a compatibility issue due to a difference in needs within the relationship dynamic. Sorry for not being specific but what I meant was that when only I had a job I paid for everything between the both of us. But he's had a job for a year now, and makes more money that I do. He desires to spoil me, and support me and take me out to nice dinners etc which is hard for me to let him do. Now when we go out to dinner we take turns on who pays because I don't want him to feel like he has to pay all the time...especially when I do want to go to a nice nice resturant. He likes to buy my clothes when I go shopping or pick up the tab for what I want when we go somewhere...it's hard for me because this act makes me feel like I can't support myself, like I'm being dependent on his wallet... He prides himself on buying me nice gifts for my birthday, Christmas etc but I don't have the money to buy him gifts as nice so it kind of hurts my feelings sometimes even when he bought exactly what I asked for. He wants to be a provider, and he wants me to let him provide. That's what he said he meant by being "in the lead" or "in control". As my man he wants to take care of me, not me take care of him. Cause obviously if I'm taking care and supporting him he feels like he hasn't outreached his mommy. That's why I understand it, and no longer feel like he is trying to control me.
Author MusicChick24 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 Musikchick, I was concerned with those statements for the reasons I stipulated above. I understand they were just expressions, but I guess I had to make sure of it as they could have pointed to a deeper problem. We all know you can't change a man. And we all know it's always best to recognize our partner's strenghts so i'm glad that your bf and you have found a solution that works for you. I understand your concern, just making sure that you did note the fact that we are college students and even though we are adults we aren't fully mature and grown up, that's why I referenced growing together. I know you can't change a man, or anyone for that matter.
Kamille Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Gotcha. And we never stop growing and changing, no matter how old we are.
sally4sara Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Sorry for not being specific but what I meant was that when only I had a job I paid for everything between the both of us. But he's had a job for a year now, and makes more money that I do. He desires to spoil me, and support me and take me out to nice dinners etc which is hard for me to let him do. Now when we go out to dinner we take turns on who pays because I don't want him to feel like he has to pay all the time...especially when I do want to go to a nice nice resturant. He likes to buy my clothes when I go shopping or pick up the tab for what I want when we go somewhere...it's hard for me because this act makes me feel like I can't support myself, like I'm being dependent on his wallet... He prides himself on buying me nice gifts for my birthday, Christmas etc but I don't have the money to buy him gifts as nice so it kind of hurts my feelings sometimes even when he bought exactly what I asked for. He wants to be a provider, and he wants me to let him provide. That's what he said he meant by being "in the lead" or "in control". As my man he wants to take care of me, not me take care of him. Cause obviously if I'm taking care and supporting him he feels like he hasn't outreached his mommy. That's why I understand it, and no longer feel like he is trying to control me. Careful that you are not being a lesser you just so he can pretend he stood up to his mama. You be you no matter what, the right partner for you will never want you to hold back so they can pretend to be better in comparison. His issues with his mother are on him to resolve. Don't stand in her place (so to speak) so he can mock cut that cord.
Trialbyfire Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 It's nice that he wants to spoil you. You should also spoil him back. Just watch for the price tag that usually comes with being taken care of.
Author MusicChick24 Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 Careful that you are not being a lesser you just so he can pretend he stood up to his mama. You be you no matter what, the right partner for you will never want you to hold back so they can pretend to be better in comparison. His issues with his mother are on him to resolve. Don't stand in her place (so to speak) so he can mock cut that cord. I definitly agree with you.
Author MusicChick24 Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 It's nice that he wants to spoil you. You should also spoil him back. Just watch for the price tag that usually comes with being taken care of. Yes, I try to spoil him back too, just as you said my spoiling comes with a lesser price tag, which sometimes make me feel bad but he doesn't mind. Because luckily as long as I'm giving him the attenion back and the time that he's given me he doesn't mind if instead of buying him a huge gift I'm taking him somewhere he wants to go.
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