MichiganMan222 Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 My girlfriend and I were having a great day together. We were drinking and she was getting toasted. She started talking very loud to someone about 10' away about a group that was about 30' away (we were outside). I didn't want the group to hear her and cuz an incident so I shushed her. She got pissed and blatantly and intentionally called me her ex-husband's name; proving a point that I was being too controlling I suppose. Anyway, as simple and acute as this was, it REALLY got to me. I fired back by asking her how she'd like if I called her my XW's name. She felt bad and apologized and was very affectionate toward me after. But I'm having a real problem with it. It's almost as if our relationship sucks now. I feel like I'm overreacting, but if she views me as her XH, then we are screwed. Is this forgivable? She has since crashed from a long day of sun and drinking. Our relationship was amazing up to this point. We basically both saved each other from hell (our ex's). I think that's why it hurts so much. Am I overreacting?
Lindarose84 Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Don't fret too much about it. She was doing what anyone in that situation would do (when there's liquor involved, the situation is always heightened in the mind of the one doing the drinking)- in the heat of "battle", she chose to call you the one thing in the entire world that she knew would royally hurt/ piss you off. In essence, she chose a cheap shot and hit you below the belt, so to speak. Must of us don't mean half the crap that comes out of our mouths during an argument- but we just say it just for the sake of "winning" the argument and doing the most damage. While it's not an excuse (or at least it shouldn't be a continued excuse), you have to keep in mind she was intoxicated. She was not of sound mind when she called you by her ex's name. If it's really bothering you, I would suggest talking to her about it once she's sobered up. Hopefully she won't do it again.
carhill Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Beware if she's a drunk flipper. If her personality flips when she's drunk, IMO it's a sign of more serious issues of instability. Everyone has an off day and a lot of people have a few too many and say or do something stupid and/or insensitive. Accept that, but watch for patterns. The voice of hard-won experience speaking here. Good luck
Author MichiganMan222 Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 Thanks, I'll keep a close eye out. I am certain of one thing; she is a lot more sensitive when drunk. It's actually a running joke. On a scale from 1-10 on taking a joke, she's about an 8. We bust each other's chops all the time. But when she's been drinking, her 'take a joke factor' goes down to about a 3 or 4. So I'm learning to adjust accordingly. But as for the issue above, she's never really ever referenced me to her ex like that before. That was a complete sucker punch that put me to the ground.
carhill Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 I understand the sensitive thing. My emotions go into hyperspeed when drinking. Here's the key. Friends, my wife and I (wife will be ex soon but we still get along fine) can be drinking and cutting jokes on each other and I can be generally more sensitive but still trust and react to my friends and wife in a predictable way, and they I. We'll bust each others chops but still hug and kiss at the end. It'll be interesting to see how things go in the future. Also, I just thought of something else..... I tend to be a backseat driver kinda guy and always was offering my "opinion" to my wife and, when I would do that when W had been drinking, she'd be more likely to push back vocally. Anything sound familiar?
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