Unable to drink and socialise without dire consequences caused by me

[sweetbitterness]

I've been with my partner now for 18 months.

 

We get on, very well indeed. I consider her a special girl and one that I feel I could spend the rest of my life with.

 

The problem - Whenever we drink socially (alcohol). I get to a point and then get paranoid and jealous say things that are hurtful and we end up having time apart for a few days whilst she comes to terms with what I've said and I feel deeply regretful and annoyed with myself for it happening time and time again. She knows when this happens it's not 'me' that she's getting when I have such outburts, but that doesn't make it any easy on her or me.

 

We don't drink very often but whenever we do 90% of the time this will happen. It's now at the stage where some of her friends have been around during this 'explosion' of drunken stupidity by me. And it's very embarrassing for both of us.

 

What do I do?

 

Obviously not drinking is the most clear thing to do. But are there others with such experiences. I know many feel insecure when they've had a few drinks, but my actions when feeling this way are to verbalise them to my partner which then undermines any trust and the otherwise lovely balance between us.

 

Any others over come this both by not drinking, or just changing their mindeset?

 

Would be good to hear from you.

 

Thanks.

[MSUE]

don't drink!!! I don't get it...you know its going to happen and you continue to do it...I would have left your ass...you have been lucky that she is forgiving...sounds like an anger and insecurity issue that you need to get help for

[Ronni_W]

She knows when this happens it's not 'me' that she's getting when I have such outburts,

Of COURSE that is YOU having those outbursts! It is an undisciplined, out-of-control you, but it is still all just you. Who else? Who are you (and your g/f) blaming and holding accountable?

 

People who cannot control their alcohol intake or allow alcohol to negatively impact their behaviours and relationships are called alcoholics; they let alcohol control them, infrequently or frequently. According to your post, you are suffering from alcoholism.

 

Your girlfriend making excuses for your drunken behaviour is enabling you to stay stuck in this cycle and not get the help that you need, to regain control of your behaviour. Do YOURSELF a favour, tell her that and ask her to stop doing it.

 

Gaining freedom from any addiction can be difficult, even when you are very clear about the benefits and rewards. But it is possible for you to reclaim control and power over your own life. Good luck.

[rm68]

 

 

Obviously not drinking is the most clear thing to do. But are there others with such experiences. I know many feel insecure when they've had a few drinks, but my actions when feeling this way are to verbalise them to my partner which then undermines any trust and the otherwise lovely balance between us.

 

Any others over come this both by not drinking, or just changing their mindeset?

 

 

I have been going through something similar to what you are experiencing. I actually had an outburst just last night. It's been a year since I first started seeing my bf. For the first seven months we would go out and drink regularly without any problems. After that was I started to have outbursts, not every time we drank, but most of the time. We both enjoy drinking, so even though I knew that it would be best to just not drink, we continued to do so. Like your situation, other than that we get along very well and have some very wonderful times togther.

 

The argument we had last night was one of the worst yet. At this point I'm not sure if we are going to stay together, and it's tearing me up. I wish I had come to this conclusion sooner, but after what happened last night I realized that right now the only choice I have is to stop drinking, or I will lose my bf, if i haven't lost him already. I was hoping there was another solution besides having to stop drinking altogether, but I realized that for me, right now there isn't another option. I deserve for him to leave me after all that I've put him through. But if my bf gives me another chance to work on our relationship, I CANNOT risk having another one of these outbursts happen. So, the drinking is out for me. Besides the drinking, I also need to deal with my issue with insecurity, since that is probably where this is all originating from.

 

If you want to be sure it doesn't happen anymore, I suggest you stop drinking too. The next time could very well be the one to end things with your girlfriend. Think about what she's worth to you. It would be such a waste to lose a good relationship over unnecessary drunken arguments and insecurity. I hope things turn out well for you.

[carhill]

Any others over come this both by not drinking, or just changing their mindset?

 

IMO, the dynamic is there all the time, but merely exposed by the drinking. Introspection will help you see those thoughts and feelings in your sober mind and deal with them in a healthy way. It may require professional help, or not. That depends on your willingness to examine yourself and change your perspectives.

 

It goes without saying that the drug that contributes to this dynamic needs to be discontinued so your work can take place in the real world. Can you go 30 days without drinking? Think about that... then think about a lifetime without someone you love. Interesting, isn't it?