foreal Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 So, at some point I will run into her...she is MOW, still works with my H. She used to be a friend. We will see each other at a work event where spouces are invited. They had an 8 month PA...FWH and I are R and H wants nothing to do with her and is back with me totally. So what do I say? Do I acknowledge her at all? (some work people know we are 'friends', some do not). Any good one liners I can use? Or maybe one for my FWH to use? I want to burn her but remain dignified....if possible!! Anyone have experience with this? What did you do/say? I want her to know she lost, was never the real thing, and was always sloppy seconds....and that we are happier than ever now.
whichwayisup Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Does her husband know that she had an affair with your husband? Why does your husband still work with her? The best advice I can give you is to completely ignore her. If you go up and say something to her, it'll just egg her on. She couldnt' care less about you and your marriage, what you feel or think. If you react, you'll be giving her power over you. The MOW shouldn't be an issue anymore for you.. Anyway, your husband needs to quit his job and stop working with MOW. I don't know how you can fully trust him knowing they see eachother everyday.
anne1707 Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 I think coming up with a good one liner that you can deliver without it sounding rehearsed or contrived will be difficult (and maybe impossible). You cannot be sure of how/when you could deliver such a line and you will understandably be dealing with a range of emotions when you see her so you will probably not be your most relaxed and in control of the situation. I think a better approach would be for you and your H to act natural and show that you are obviously very happy together - a united front and in a successful relationship. Let her see that your H is happy with you and wants to be with you. Also make sure you look really good that day - wear something that really flatters, have your hair done, etc. You can bet she is stressing about seeing you. Let her stress whilst you show that you are above that and that she is nothing to you and your H.
OFGnomore Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 So, at some point I will run into her...she is MOW, still works with my H. She used to be a friend. We will see each other at a work event where spouces are invited. They had an 8 month PA...FWH and I are R and H wants nothing to do with her and is back with me totally. Any good one liners I can use? Or maybe one for my FWH to use? I want to burn her but remain dignified....if possible!! I want her to know she lost, was never the real thing, and was always sloppy seconds....and that we are happier than ever now. If things are great than you will just "be great". Saying anything would is unnecessary. And what was "lost"? A man who has the propensity to lie and cheat? Seriously, I'd focust ALL your energy on your marriage. These things happen because something is amiss with your H and more than likely your marriage.
LaGazelle Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 so, at some point i will run into her...she is mow, still works with my h. She used to be a friend. We will see each other at a work event where spouces are invited. They had an 8 month pa...fwh and i are r and h wants nothing to do with her and is back with me totally. So what do i say? Do i acknowledge her at all? (some work people know we are 'friends', some do not). Any good one liners i can use? Or maybe one for my fwh to use? I want to burn her but remain dignified....if possible!! Anyone have experience with this? What did you do/say? I want her to know she lost, was never the real thing, and was always sloppy seconds....and that we are happier than ever now. Just ignore her. No nasty looks. Just a total blank.
Author foreal Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 they work for the same company but have little to no contact (huge place)- I wish my H would quit but what with the economy blah blah blah........ and yea, I guess to just ignore her is best and to look hot while doing it! YES! You are right, she must REALLy be stressing b/c her H did find out but she fast talked him and who knows what he believes at this point? when I say 'lost' I mean that b/c she knows me and totally wanted to replace me...no excuse for what my H did though, I know that...she offereed herself up to him when he and I were in a vulnerable spot and he jumped on it (bastard)...but here we are now. Just wish I could tell her to Fu** off.
delirious Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 I would not undignify yourself with any catty remarks. The way your H treats his meeting with her, will be enough to upset or stress her, assuming he ignores her completely. I would imagine that what you think about her standing in the relationship does not affect her but rather what your H thought and thinks now. You should keep your dignity at all costs and ignore her otherwise you will not enjoy yourself at all and it is pointless going.
OFGnomore Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Just ignore her. No nasty looks. Just a total blank. Absolutely agree with this. If you go out your way to show how great things IMO it's an indication that they aren't. Whether the behavior is good or bad do nothing. No creepy smiles and false friendliness either. Just be great or at least work toward it.
Author foreal Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 THANK YOU! Yes, keep my dignity.... geez, it should be so simple to know that, and I do, but damn I want to kick her ass (since i already kicked my H's ass it seems only fair ha ha!) I will just look right thru her... but what if she comes up to ME (since we WERE friends) do I just give the cold shoulder or be polite...or indifferent perhaps?
anne1707 Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 If she has the nerve to do that, I would be amazed. Just remain indifferent. She is nothing to you. That is what you need to remember.
Author foreal Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 "SHE IS NOTHING TO ME"...I need to keep telling myself that over and over as it is true.......still hurts though- wish I did not know her...or maybe it is better that I do? In any case, "SHE IS NOTHING TO ME"...!!!
OFGnomore Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 THANK YOU! Yes, keep my dignity.... geez, it should be so simple to know that, and I do, but damn I want to kick her ass (since i already kicked my H's ass it seems only fair ha ha!) I will just look right thru her... but what if she comes up to ME (since we WERE friends) do I just give the cold shoulder or be polite...or indifferent perhaps? You want to kick her a...? Of course, they BOTH hurt you. And your H, IMO deserves the wrath from you. He broke his commitment to you. But her? Obviously the friendship is over between you. It depends on what she says to you. I'd not engage. If she says hello, say hello in a regular way and walk away. In my situation,I was an unfaithful W. After trying to end things several times with xMM the "nice" way I just stopped contact . No email, no nothing and he finally respected that. Then 3 months later I confessed to H. H told xMM's W and they became a united front against us. She started driving past my house, with him in the car, smiley, all dolled up. Everyone including my neighbors saw through it and thought she was acting insecure and pathetic. My H and I kept to ourselves and ignored them, gave them space to work through their issues as we would hope they would do for us. But they're making it about us so they don't have to deal with themselves. Do you get my point? As long as this xOW is staying away puut your energy toward your M because you'll find that it's going to take a lot to really heal and understand why this happened.
LaGazelle Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 THANK YOU! Yes, keep my dignity.... geez, it should be so simple to know that, and I do, but damn I want to kick her ass (since i already kicked my H's ass it seems only fair ha ha!) I will just look right thru her... but what if she comes up to ME (since we WERE friends) do I just give the cold shoulder or be polite...or indifferent perhaps? Politely give her the cold shoulder unless you are ready to have a civil unemotional conversation with her, in which you can keep your dignity. Something like : "Terribly sorry, I have some important things on my mind/to do right now. Would you mind if I come back to you another time?"
anne1707 Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Or "Excuse me but I have just seen XXXX who I really want to speak to"
Author foreal Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 Thanks OFG.....I called her right after I discovered it and she hung up on me- I texted her "how could you?!" and she said replied she was sorry. That was the last time I contacted her. I think she fell in love with my H- I think it began for her as a conquest and b/c my H made her feel so good...and then she fell...she has been miserable in her M for years..I feel kinda sorry for her (since I know her I guess). They must have both been miserable, I know my H was so she must have been to- It just sucks that my H went down this path with her, my friend. And believe me, my H has received my wrath but good! Thanks again for giving me your perspective....
OFGnomore Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Politely give her the cold shoulder unless you are ready to have a civil unemotional conversation with her, in which you can keep your dignity. Something like : "Terribly sorry, I have some important things on my mind/to do right now. Would you mind if I come back to you another time?" Catty = it still bothers you and you let the other person know that. Seriously, any looks, A-N-Y thing will give off those signals. Focus on your M if it means that much to you. Good luck.
Author foreal Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 annie and gazelle....great lines!!...yes, perfect...I probably won't even get a chance to say or hear anything to/from her, but just in case I wanted SOMETHING other than the deer in the headlight look to offer!!
OFGnomore Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Thanks OFG.....I called her right after I discovered it and she hung up on me- I texted her "how could you?!" and she said replied she was sorry. That was the last time I contacted her. I think she fell in love with my H- I think it began for her as a conquest and b/c my H made her feel so good...and then she fell...she has been miserable in her M for years..I feel kinda sorry for her (since I know her I guess). They must have both been miserable, I know my H was so she must have been to- It just sucks that my H went down this path with her, my friend. And believe me, my H has received my wrath but good! Thanks again for giving me your perspective.... I know, I know it's a double betrayal. And word has it in my community xMM fathered a child with his SIL (that one is still underwraps though and not for me inform anyone, but if true, these things have a way of coming to light). That's a real whammy!!! I think you said what you needed to. "How could you?" Perfect. Now just be and I would get into IC and MC if you can. The goal for me is how can I have a better M with my H? Not how can I one up the other couple? Again good luck.
LaGazelle Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 annie and gazelle....great lines!!...yes, perfect...I probably won't even get a chance to say or hear anything to/from her, but just in case I wanted SOMETHING other than the deer in the headlight look to offer!! No prob. Good luck!!! I just want to add that you should of course say those lines with as little emotion as possible/as you would to any other person. Perhaps at the end, you can even add "Thanks" before she has a chance to answer, to make it clear that you do expect her not to mind your offer to come back to her. However, she probably won't approach you, in which case, live your life and IGNORE HER. Good luck!
Author foreal Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 The best revenge is to live a happy life. If you and your H are happy, it will show through without you having to make a show of it. And if you say anything to her that's mean or catty, she's not going to believe you're happy at all. Now, if you want to get to her, talk with her H. You can always say something like "Glad to see you're still together after the affair. I hope it made your marriage stronger as it did mine". CLASSIC!! I dont think I will say that to him, but I think giving him a hug hello when he is by the bar might be fun.....with her watching of course! HA:p
bentnotbroken Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 He's all yours and you can have what's left after alimony and child support.
datura_noir Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Hmmm...best line? I will say none...won't even go there... We don't focus on her because in reality, she was a straw dummy for us, and both FWH and I realize this.. However, he chose to get involved with someone we both knew and I had met and liked, so in the event we should meet-I would be gracious and say "hi" and offer her whatever beverage we have on hand (whiskey at the moment).
mopar crazy Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 First I want to tell you how sorry I am you are going through all this. It hurts like hell but you seem to be pretty strong. Best one liner, say nothing at all and just show how happy you both are. My H also had an A w/ a co-worker several years ago. I thought we could have been friends the night I met her at a company party. But after my dh told me what she did when I wasn't around there was no way in hell I was going to be friends w/ her. I don't mind if women flirt w/ my dh as long as it's not going overboard. When she bit him on the neck b/c he "smelled good" was inappropriate behavior. She would talk to him about her sex life w/ her H and asked mine if he had the same problems. WAY over the line! Every time I went into work to see him she would come over and talk to me, even gave me a hug one day. It wasn't until he became her supervisor and worked directly w/ him that I noticed him talking about her more. I flat out asked him if he wanted to sleep w/ her and he said "If I weren't M." I kept my eyes wide open. I don't want to make this too long but about 4 months after he became her supervisor he said he wanted a D. I asked him if he was having an A w/ her, his answer was always no. But, I heard differently from friends who worked w/ them that something was going on. I contacted her via phone and she lied also, said they were just friends. Both denied several times of their A. I moved away w/ our children and was gone a month when my H called and admitted to the A. I asked him why he was telling me all this now when he filed for a D. He said he regretted everything and wanted to R the M. I agreed but he continued to work w/ her. I HATED that. Several weeks after he ended w/ her I went to see him. While visiting him at the martial home I moved out of she called. He looked at the caller ID and asked me "Why the hell is she calling?" I answered. She called to ask if he heard about a co-worker that was seriously injured. I was so pissed she was even calling I was not thinking straight and handed him the phone. He stood there w/ me as they talked. I called her back right away and told her to never call again and she hasn't. She even missed the company picnic that year and she has never missed it b4. Don't know if she didn't go b/c we were there or what. From what I heard from a couple of ppl she said she wasn't going to go b/c we would be there. We stay separated for about 6 months and then she got him fired. Wont go into detail but he hired a lawyer. FF to a year after their A we were visiting the town we lived in b4 the A. She was at the same bar we were at. I didn't say a word to her. She strutted her stuff like she owned the place. I noticed she was hanging all over her boyfriends friend for awhile. I knew she hadn't changed. One man (or should I say dick?)was never enough for her. I just enjoyed myself and tried not to let her presence bother me. Don't let her get under your skin, she is not worth it. Be happy and work on your M.
Gus Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 You forgave your husband who was 1/2 the equation - forgive her as well and move on w/ your life. Always take the high road and remember 1 little word - KARMA. Like the others said - if you and your husband are happy now, just be natural and that happiness will radiate from the two of you and that's all you need to show her and the world that things are great.
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