beautiful_stranger Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 So I feel troubled about this guy for a while. And raised the following talk with him. - I said to him that I don't feel that we are dating at all, because all that we do is a quick dinner once a week or once every two weeks; to this he responded he's too busy and he's having trouble balancing work with anything outside of it, to which he admits being one of his problems. - I said he never calls; to this he appeared surprised that I was a "phone person". - I said that I would much prefer not meeting after work, and would like to have plans on the weekends; he agreed that we can do things on weekends. - I said that I really didn't like his last minute invites, and the only reason that I make myself readily available to him everytime without any notice is because i like him; he agreed to make plans ahead of things and says that if i wanted to see him why can't i call him? He said that I am passive on the relationship front. - I said that what he makes me feel is that he wants to keep his options open, and that I am fine with it, but only want him to be honest with me if that is what he is doing; he denied that he's keeping his options open and that he likes me, and if he is seeing another person he will tell me. What I didn't say to him though, is that it has been almost 5 months, and we havent proceeded to holding hands in public, we do nothing in private, and there was no sense of physical closeness. So, overall he appears to be happy to do whatever I ask. But what we do on "dates" is nothing like a couple, I feel so tired of waiting. I think girls can chase guys, but I would also like to feel that he cares enough to make some effort. Is he saying all these things just to make me happy? am I being naive to believe what he's saying? Should i move on or should i stick around? Please please let me know how u see it...
Groovy Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Some guys are just dumb asses. But most of the time he's just not that into you and can't come out and say it. It sounds like he wants sex and dinner and you want more. My attitude is no matter how much I like someone I can find sex and dinner in a lot of places. Any gal can. But I want more so if they don't want to give that to me, good riddance and I'm not losing something hard to find. You talked with him. I'd say if he knows what you want and still isn't doing those things for you say adios. Or at least tell him you want to see other people until he's ready to get more serious.
TaraMaiden Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 - I said to him that I don't feel that we are dating at all, because all that we do is a quick dinner once a week or once every two weeks; to this he responded he's too busy and he's having trouble balancing work with anything outside of it, to which he admits being one of his problems. For this read: You are simply low on my priority list, an occasional diversion and someone to eat a meal with. - I said he never calls; to this he appeared surprised that I was a "phone person". Nice touch.... let's turn this round on her, and make it sound like it's her issue..... - I said that I would much prefer not meeting after work, and would like to have plans on the weekends; he agreed that we can do things on weekends. And presumably, followed up immediately with: "I know! let's drive to *Wherever* next weekend, do this, do that and then get some of the other! How does that sound?" No? No. Thought not....ok, back to you then.... - I said that I really didn't like his last minute invites, and the only reason that I make myself readily available to him everytime without any notice is because i like him; he agreed to make plans ahead of things and says that if i wanted to see him why can't i call him? So now...you're a 'phone person.... He said that I am passive on the relationship front. Sorry... as in, HE is passive, or as in YOU are passive? he sounds so laid back, he's horizontal..... - I said that what he makes me feel is that he wants to keep his options open, and that I am fine with it, but only want him to be honest with me if that is what he is doing; he denied that he's keeping his options open and that he likes me, and if he is seeing another person he will tell me. I would think that by the time he thinks he might like to see someone else, you'll both be crippled with arthritis and using walking frames..... I'm losing the will to live, here.... What I didn't say to him though, is that it has been almost 5 months, and we havent proceeded to holding hands in public, we do nothing in private, and there was no sense of physical closeness. Great. Possibly the most important thing of the whole discussion, and you don't say it. That's like a bomb disposal expert omitting to tell everyone there's dynamite in the bank vault! So, overall he appears to be happy to do whatever I ask. But what we do on "dates" is nothing like a couple, I feel so tired of waiting. I think girls can chase guys, but I would also like to feel that he cares enough to make some effort. Is he saying all these things just to make me happy? am I being naive to believe what he's saying? Should i move on or should i stick around? Please please let me know how u see it... I see you guys sitting there, covered in movie-style dust and cobwebs, asking each other if the soup is nice, and do you want that bread roll, because if not, I'll have it.... Oh boy honey!! MOVE ON!! date someone who has more fire in his belly and more consideration for you than himself! Jeesh, this guy is going nowhere and dragging you down with him! I've had more fun watching paint dry than I would sitting with this fellah!
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