Ny fiancee... and her bachelorette party...

[RunawayTrain]

Well, I think if he already asked her to marry him, then humping the crap out of the cheating issue over and over should never have come up. One would assume when he proposed, it was because he trusted her already.

 

He may of trusted her but maybe its a possibility he didnt trust the other participants of the Bachelorette Party? The other girls, the planners, strippers, etc. I know what goes on with these female outings first hand and I know if I was engaged to be married, and this happened with my fiancee there, I would kick her to the curb so fast it wouldnt be funny. I see your point about his relentless constant reassurance from her, but i dont see that as a reason for her cheating. I simply dont.

[BUENG1]

So speak for yourself. Which is worse?

 

 

 

All you have to do is look for the evidence in the first post. When did he start having trust issues? Before they ever got together. Do you think the bachelorette party was the first time that stuff came to light? If the distrust was there at the end, then can you possibly think it wasn't a constant in between?

 

So you're right: it's a snapshot. But look how quickly everyone leapt to judgment. The betrayal, the still picture described to us, could be the biggest issue they have, or it could be a trivial side note. A couple hours of frivolity versus four years, and maybe even a lifetime, of hard slogging.

 

I've been in a position where my mate forced me to earn her trust. It was just a bait and switch game we replayed over and over. Because she wasn't capable of giving it no matter what I did. It was manipulation.

 

People who can't trust are almost by definition manipulative. And that will prove to be a much bigger problem for the original poster than losing a dumbass fiance.

 

You seem to be more concerned with assigning blame. I don't think thats that important. Those things should be usually dealt with after a relationship with self reflection etc. The real issue is what the OP's decision with regards to what he wants to do with his marriage and the rest of his life. And if I were him I don't think I'd get married.

[Skeptic]

While it does seem that she was way out of line, it also seems that your history and suspicions with cheating gf's may have contributed a bit to this.

 

How can you have any idea what sort of conversations they had? To insinuate that the ordeal is his fault is a very silly (but also very typical ... this is probably what she will tell him as well).

 

He tried to set an example with his party. His fiancé went ahead and had hers in V*E*G*A*S. There is no clean or wholesome outcome to a Vegas bachelorette party. There is nothing wrong with a couple discussing these sorts of things in a relationship ... it does not automatically mean the man is obsessive and controlling. He had every right to discuss it with her, and every right to be worried. I think he made a mistake by allowing it at all.

 

The issue now is she disrespected him, lied to him, and is probably still lying to him about what actually happened. A man’s worst nightmare cannot even grasp what actually happens at a bachelorette party with strippers, especially in Vegas.

 

He has a chance, at the very least, to postpone the wedding. He needs to find out who this girl really is before he marries her.

 

And, just to add some speculation from experience ... "nice girls" do not suddenly pop and go wild like this. This is a type of behaviour she has probably been up to before… he is likely just not aware of it.

 

OP – good luck to you. It is true, that people deserve a second chance. However, you need to know what it is you are actually forgiving.

[Skeptic]

OK OK.. relax.. it was a bachelorette party.. she was intoxicated.. her head was spinning with all the drinks, the excitement, the joy.. etc...

 

What on Earth is with the notion that it’s OK for a girl (who is in a committed relationship and soon to be married) to party with male strippers … as long as it's a onetime thing that happens at a booze-fuelled, sexually-charged bachelorette party … then it's no problem?

 

I guess it’s all about setting boundaries with your partner. If one says …

 

"Honey, I support you going to Vegas for your party. I am OK with you kissing other men and liking another man's naked body. I am OK with you having a stripper wave his erection in your face. I accept that your drunken friends be likely screaming and cheering for you to perform oral sex, or more. After all that, if you need to spend some time alone with a stranger who is also horned-out-of-his-mind from partying with strippers all night … that's OK too."

 

.. then that's great. Enjoy.

 

However, these were not the boundaries the OP was trying to set. The notion that the OP deserved to be cheated on – simply because he was worried and tried to set those boundaries before hand – is very cruel.

 

Boundaries in a relationship are a necessity. Setting them is not a sign of insecurity or obsession. If you and your partner disagree on each other's boundaries, or are not willing to honour them, you have a serious problem.

 

At the very least, what she did was awful (the little she admitted to).

 

The full truth of what happened is probably much more gruesome.

 

IMO, this is not a girl who is looking for an exit from the relationship. She lying and desperately trying to paint a false picture of what happened because she is a "cake-eater".

 

She is trying to fool a sweet guy into marrying her … while she has other needs met elsewhere.

[Dexter Morgan]

Typical for threads like this: someone jumps on the site and tells a tale of woe, one-sided of course, and people jump on the band-wagon and start condemning. I'm not saying what she did was right, but without hearing her side of the story, it's hard to say.

 

What side of her story would possibly make a difference? She cheated multiple times when in Vegas. Oh, but if she had and explanation...that would make a difference?

 

She cheated, she was busted, there is proof.

 

So tell us shark, what could she say from "her side" that would make her mulitple cheatings seem less like cheating?

 

 

 

The fact that this thread even exists is evidence enough that the relationship is in trouble. But I would be more cautious about saying who is really at fault.

 

 

who cares who is at fault. she cheated. If he can't live with that, then he can get rid of her and nobody, but you, would blame him.

[Dexter Morgan]

Sometimes people do inexcusable things on purpose. She wasn't trying to get away with it.

 

ya, thats only why she lied about it even when he asked:rolleyes:

 

 

 

It's hard for me to respect the opinions of people who shout out "lynch the cheater!"

 

its hard for you to respect anyone that wants to dump a cheater it seems.

 

I don't know your story, but lemme guess...you are a cheater I would guess.

[RunawayTrain]

What on Earth is with the notion that it’s OK for a girl (who is in a committed relationship and soon to be married) to party with male strippers … as long as it's a onetime thing that happens at a booze-fuelled, sexually-charged bachelorette party … then it's no problem?

 

I guess it’s all about setting boundaries with your partner. If one says …

 

"Honey, I support you going to Vegas for your party. I am OK with you kissing other men and liking another man's naked body. I am OK with you having a stripper wave his erection in your face. I accept that your drunken friends be likely screaming and cheering for you to perform oral sex, or more. After all that, if you need to spend some time alone with a stranger who is also horned-out-of-his-mind from partying with strippers all night … that's OK too."

 

.. then that's great. Enjoy.

 

However, these were not the boundaries the OP was trying to set. The notion that the OP deserved to be cheated on – simply because he was worried and tried to set those boundaries before hand – is very cruel.

 

Boundaries in a relationship are a necessity. Setting them is not a sign of insecurity or obsession. If you and your partner disagree on each other's boundaries, or are not willing to honour them, you have a serious problem.

 

At the very least, what she did was awful (the little she admitted to).

 

The full truth of what happened is probably much more gruesome.

 

IMO, this is not a girl who is looking for an exit from the relationship. She lying and desperately trying to paint a false picture of what happened because she is a "cake-eater".

 

She is trying to fool a sweet guy into marrying her … while she has other needs met elsewhere.

 

My point exactly. I don't know how these Loveshack Posters make it through life so morally bankrupt. Must be hard to sleep at night.

[Dexter Morgan]

OK OK.. relax.. it was a bachelorette party.. she was intoxicated.. her head was spinning with all the drinks, the excitement, the joy.. etc...

 

She made out with one of the boys.. so what? she will never see him again....

 

what difference does it make if she doesn't see him again. You just gave all cheaters an excuse to keep cheating as long as they never see that person again...get real.

 

And lets not forget: "and that she wandered off in Vegas with the bachelor from a bachelor party that was there. They were gone for an hour... just the two of them"

 

 

If you can't stand a little 'escapade' like that.. then you need to get out.. simple as that..

 

 

One thing we can agree on. And if someone can't be faithful, they have no business getting married, let alone be in a committed relationship.

[Dexter Morgan]

My point exactly. I don't know how these Loveshack Posters make it through life so morally bankrupt. Must be hard to sleep at night.

 

Oh I think they probably sleep like babies at night...as long as they can get "theirs" no matter who gets hurt in the process.

 

selfish people aren't bothered by what they do.

[Lizzie60]

Boundaries in a relationship are a necessity. Setting them is not a sign of insecurity or obsession.

 

I completely agree.. problem is... the reality is a whole 'nother story.

 

The full truth of what happened is probably much more gruesome.

 

We don't know that..

 

Thing is .. someone can set all the boundaries he/she wants.. once the partner is out there.. those boundaries seem to be lost or left at home for some reason..

[RunawayTrain]

Boundaries in a relationship are a necessity. Setting them is not a sign of insecurity or obsession.

 

I completely agree.. problem is... the reality is a whole 'nother story.

 

The full truth of what happened is probably much more gruesome.

 

We don't know that..

 

Thing is .. someone can set all the boundaries he/she wants.. once the partner is out there.. those boundaries seem to be lost or left at home for some reason..

 

Seems quite obvious you have been in that situation before ? Just a hunch.

[Star Gazer]

It's fact patterns like this that make me think Bachelor/ette parties aren't a farewell to one's single life, but a test for whether they should be getting married to begin with.

[Dexter Morgan]

Seems quite obvious you have been in that situation before ? Just a hunch.

 

You are dealing with an expert with regards to cheating, or more appropriately, someone that is the person someone else cheated with.

 

She actually seeks out married men because of the lack of any real attachments....she even conducted an experiment to lure a man into her bed and away from his wife just to prove she "can".

 

So yes, she has been in that situation before...many times over and will come here bragging each and every time she is able to bed down someone elses husband.

[Lizzie60]

Seems quite obvious you have been in that situation before ? Just a hunch.

 

Not sure what you mean... never cheated.. and I doubt I've been cheated on.. if that's what you mean.

[Star Gazer]

Not sure what you mean... never cheated.. and I doubt I've been cheated on.. if that's what you mean.

 

By your own theories and actions, which you claim support the notion that all men are susceptible to being lured away from their partners, we must assume that you have been cheated on... that is, assuming you've ever been in a committed relationship.

[RunawayTrain]

By your own theories and actions, which you claim support the notion that all men are susceptible to being lured away from their partners, we must assume that you have been cheated on... that is, assuming you've ever been in a committed relationship.

 

You just took the words right out of my mouth.

[Lizzie60]

By your own theories and actions, which you claim support the notion that all men are susceptible to being lured away from their partners, we must assume that you have been cheated on... that is, assuming you've ever been in a committed relationship.

 

 

Maybe I was cheated on.. although I doubt it.. my first ex was constantly around.. (I even told him at one point that he could have a mistress so he would leave me alone)...

 

My second ex admitted having sex with another girl.. when I first left him... but I don't think it was cheating since I had left..

 

MOST (if not all) men are susceptible to being lured.. I honestly believe that.. worked in my case..

[Star Gazer]

Maybe I was cheated on.. although I doubt it.. my first ex was constantly around.. (I even told him at one point that he could have a mistress so he would leave me alone)...

 

As you know, Lizzie, MM find ways to cheat, even when they're always around. Most BS who find out their H have been cheating are often shocked, as they wonder how he could have even had the time. I knew of one MM who literally had sex with his OW at 6:30 a.m., when he was "at the gym," and then returned home at 7:30 a.m., hot and sweaty from his "workout," so that his W could feed him breakfast.

 

My second ex admitted having sex with another girl.. when I first left him... but I don't think it was cheating since I had left..

 

You and I both know that likely wasn't the only time.

 

MOST (if not all) men are susceptible to being lured.. I honestly believe that.. worked in my case..

 

I disagree. Not all men; I don't even think most.

[Dexter Morgan]

I disagree. Not all men; I don't even think most.

 

never been lured, never will be. and have been propositioned when committed or married before with people MUCH younger and attractive than someone who is 60 and tries to hard to prove to other people, anonymous or otherwise that she is attractive.

 

"you like me, you really really like me!!!!!"

[Lizzie60]

As you know, Lizzie, MM find ways to cheat, even when they're always around. Most BS who find out their H have been cheating are often shocked, as they wonder how he could have even had the time. I knew of one MM who literally had sex with his OW at 6:30 a.m., when he was "at the gym," and then returned home at 7:30 a.m., hot and sweaty from his "workout," so that his W could feed him breakfast.

 

 

I totally agree... I KNOW... from experience.. (the only thing.. I don't feed them )

 

I even told him he could have a mistress but he refused..

 

but really I don't give a 'hoot' if they did or not.. what we don't know don't hurt..

[Trialbyfire]

Overall, there are people I would trust with my life and others, I wouldn't trust with my garbage. Most people fall somewhere in the middle.

 

As the fiancee of the OP has shown her true colours, it's up to the OP whether he's willing to put up with it in the future or not.

 

There's a subset of the population that have or are cheating. As someone who didn't choose wisely, with my first marriage, I advise the OP to pay attention to big, red flags. I can only wish I had the OPs warning signal not to proceed.

[RunawayTrain]

I guess its safe to say that some people have no problem being an intentional home wrecker. Hey whatever floats your boat. Only you have to live in your own skin.

[Land Shark]

ya, thats only why she lied about it even when he asked:rolleyes:

 

its hard for you to respect anyone that wants to dump a cheater it seems.

 

I don't know your story, but lemme guess...you are a cheater I would guess.

 

Don't take it so personally, Dexter. I wasn't talking about you or anything that has happened to you in your life. So I'm not the one you should be attacking. Maybe it's one or more of your exes. Or your mom or dad. But not me.

 

In case you feel like reading a bit closer: I'm not defending her. I'm only saying that the original poster appears to have bigger problems than his dumb fiance. If he gets rid of her, those problems won't be solved.

 

Relationships are similar to computers: garbage in, garbage out. She brought some garbage. Maybe he did, too.

 

I'm sorry if this is how things have gone for you in your relationships. Clearly it struck a nerve, and as satisfying as it always turns out to be, causing you pain wasn't my intent.

[RunawayTrain]

Don't take it so personally, Dexter. I wasn't talking about you or anything that has happened to you in your life. So I'm not the one you should be attacking. Maybe it's one or more of your exes. Or your mom or dad. But not me.

 

In case you feel like reading a bit closer: I'm not defending her. I'm only saying that the original poster appears to have bigger problems than his dumb fiance. If he gets rid of her, those problems won't be solved.

 

Relationships are similar to computers: garbage in, garbage out. She brought some garbage. Maybe he did, too.

 

I'm sorry if this is how things have gone for you in your relationships. Clearly it struck a nerve, and as satisfying as it always turns out to be, causing you pain wasn't my intent.

 

The one thing that sticks out for me is that obviously he has been cheated on before and has a plethora of insecurities. There is no doubt in my mind that has expressed these things ad nauseum to his fiancee when they first started dating up until the engagement. She could of very well not agree to marry and him and moved on to someone else who fit her needs, however since she is a cheater, she accepted his marriage proposal and cheated.

[D-Lish]

Personally I think the whole ritual of the bachelor/bachelorette party is an antiquated and silly practice. Far too often, it's viewed as a "free pass" to do whatever one wants without repercussion.

 

Why get married in the first place if you feel like you need one more night to roam the streets and get your rocks off one last time. It's not a celebration of what is about to happen- people seem to view it as mourning the loss of their freedom. If you really view marriage as a loss of freedom- then don't get married- plain and simple.

 

I have been to bachelorette parties where the bride has cheated, there is almost an expectation and even support for this to occur. Of course this doesn't happen with all parties- but it does happen.

 

There will be those antagonists present that will pressure for something scandalous to happen- this antagonist isn't gender specific.

 

I know I felt pressure at my bachelorette party to do something crazy ( I didn't).

I just dislike that it has become a forum in which cheating behaviour is painted as a free pass - in some instances, it's aggressively encouraged.

 

OP, I know what I would do in your shoes- I'd leave my fiance (easier said than done I know). Cheating is cheating, regardless of the fact that it happened while intoxicated at a bachelorette party. I don't think you'll ever be able to reconcile with what she did, nor will you ever be able to trust her.