loveslife Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I agree with your post to Phateless. The part that I'd like to emphasize, is that it's less about being pushed and pulled by someone else's actions and more about how you react to stimuli, both positive and negative. Sure, there are crappy people in this world but then, why would anyone stay with them? So once again, it's all about YOU! p.s. All references to "you" are generic. Hahaha NO, it's all about ME (specifically ME). Yes, I agree. And I think any discussion about relationships can always come back to "it" being about us - how we feel inside. People who are genuinely nice and low maintenance without using "nice ploys" to get someone else to fulfill them are generally happy inside. And it takes someone else who is happy inside to be attracted to that in a positive way. I do think there are unkind people who are attracted to happy-inside people. But when you're in an emotionally available state and feeling good inside you really just can't exist in a relationship with someone like that. I've decided that the best relationship thing I can do is work on myself.
loveslife Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Anyone who falls into either extreme (eg always kicking up a fuss, or never complaining about anything they're unhappy about) is going to be difficult to be around. Either too stressful and unpleasant, or so passive that you feel you have to second guess how they're really feeling, or pull the truth out of them like teeth. I was involved with a guy once who was SO nice. Always doing things my way, spoiling me, etc. To me, it felt like he was idealizing me and I could never live up to his expectations. It was incredibly stressful. Turned out as soon as I started showing my "flaws" he became disenchanted real quick and did a total 180. It only took me about 48 hours to recover because I hadn't been able to become invested since I had felt so long that I couldn't be myself. I agree that any extreme is dangerous.
Taramere Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I was involved with a guy once who was SO nice. Always doing things my way, spoiling me, etc. To me, it felt like he was idealizing me and I could never live up to his expectations. It was incredibly stressful. Turned out as soon as I started showing my "flaws" he became disenchanted real quick and did a total 180. It only took me about 48 hours to recover because I hadn't been able to become invested since I had felt so long that I couldn't be myself. I've met him! That guy certainly does get around.
Phateless Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 I agree with your post to Phateless. The part that I'd like to emphasize, is that it's less about being pushed and pulled by someone else's actions and more about how you react to stimuli, both positive and negative. Sure, there are crappy people in this world but then, why would anyone stay with them? So once again, it's all about YOU! p.s. All references to "you" are generic. This is a really great thread! TBF is right again. We only have control over ourselves so the burden lies on US to speak up in a calm and assertive manner when we need something. If the other person reacts poorly to a reasonable request than that's on them.
Trialbyfire Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 This is a really great thread! TBF is right again. We only have control over ourselves so the burden lies on US to speak up in a calm and assertive manner when we need something. If the other person reacts poorly to a reasonable request than that's on them.Thanks Phateless. You're making me squirm a bit. But yes, that's the crux of it. Each person is responsible for their own actions and feelings.
Author ON MY OWN Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 :confused:What about reformed bad boys? Any thoughts on this?
Thaddeus Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 :confused:What about reformed bad boys? Any thoughts on this? Want a "reformed" bad boy? Hang out by the prison on release days. (Note: I don't say this sarcastically. I worked in the prison system for a short time. Trust me on this, most of those dudes are bad, bad news.)
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