ON MY OWN Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Whats your opinion on an 10-15 years age difference of couple, and also if the woman is older by that many years, ex; a 28 year old man and a 40 year old woman. What kinds of things do you think it would have a positive/negative impact on in the relationship? Any of you have any experience with this good or bad? Please share.
nobody's girl Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 I don’t have any actual experience (yet ) with this, but the guy I’m currently crushing on is 15 years older than me. An offhanded comment from him got me thinking and it turned out that everything I’m looking for in a guy he has. Shocked the crap out of me when I realized it, that’s for sure! I just never imaged us together or even thought about us as “us” until then. The very next thought I had was that he’s 15 years older than me; and that I look younger than I am while he looks older than he is. So when we’re together we almost look like father/daughter. Part of the reason why I haven’t pursued this any farther is because of the age thing. So I would be interested in hearing what other people have experienced.
Thornton Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 There are 9.5 years between my bf and I (me 30, him 40). It isn't a problem because he has a pretty young outlook on life and is still fun to be with, he isn't some old fuddy duddy. I guess I would feel differently if he was really boring or looked really old, but he often gets mistaken for being about 30, so we don't look like an odd couple. I think the issue in age-gap relationships that usually causes difficulties is when the two people concerned are at different stages of their lives. I want to marry and have kids, while my bf is divorced with three teenage kids, but he's willing to marry and have more kids with me so it isn't a problem. If he wasn't willing to do that with me, it would be a deal-breaker and the relationship would come to an end. My relationship with his kids is also complicated and we're still working on it - my sister is roughly the age of his oldest daughter, so I've grown up treating my sister as a contemporary, I go out drinking with her etc, and now I'm in the "parent" position to a girl of the same age. The best approach seems to be being friends with his kids rather than taking that stepmother role. The issue with kids would obviously be more of a problem if our roles were switched, e.g. if it was a young guy who wanted kids in a relationship with an older woman who couldn't have them. I think age gap relationships where the woman is older are perhaps a little less likely to work because of such issues, although if the two people concerned really love each other and can put the issues aside there's no reason why it shouldn't work.
OpenBook Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 I think it all depends on what both parties value most in each other. With my older-woman/younger-man experiences, the benefits for me were: FABULOUS sex, a more equal outlook on his part about women in general (he didn't expect me to fit into certain roles like his older counterparts do), and he appreciated and supported my independence. He in turn wasn't under any pressure to move the R toward marriage, and that was a big relief to him. We took it one day at a time, and that pace was good for both of us. He also loved the FABULOUS sex, of course! The drawbacks were (for both of us): lack of shared history (coming of age in the 70's is way different from the 80's or 90's; we didn't "groove" to the same things), and fitting in with our respective friends. I think it's harder to "mesh" your lives together when there's a big age difference of more than 10 years. If it was just the relationship between you and him to worry about, it would be great! But that's not how life works.
collegekid491 Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Age is a HUGE deal, biggest reason? The obvious, different goals and values. Not to say a 15 year gap is that big, I mean maturity plays its role and if your goals and values are similar it can work, but its a pretty big anomaly. The one thing I laugh at though is alot of women seem to believe they have to date older men because men their age aren't mature enough... on the other hand, when I'm 40 I'll be grateful when a 18 y/o chick is interested in me
MusicChick24 Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Personally as long as both parties are over 18 I don't see age as a big deal. But the two individual people have to make that decision for themselves. The bigger the age difference the more of a problem it could cause if someone was 18 and the other 30 maybe not so bad, but if your 18 and the other is 80, could be a problem.
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