my girlfriend of 7 years has left me and im DESTROYED!! !!

[lostinthesauce]

my name is george and im almost 23 years old..ive been with my "ex" for 7 years until things got real ugly 4 weeks ago..

 

throughout our relationship we had our high ups and low downs. when i first met her i was only 15 and she wasn't too interested. she was 17 btw. eventually after hanging wit on the weekends with friends and me showing interest, she decided to give me a chance...we were in LOVEE for about the first 2-3 years then i started smoking pot..eventually as the pot became an everyday habbit, it began not to the about the relationship as i did, i don't know if it was because i was used to it or my head was just in a cloud. throughout our 7 year relationship she had her BAD times in her life and i had mine. we broke up i'd day about 5-6 times and none of those breakups lasted more than a month..a LONG TIME AGO i started taking her for granted, not treating her well AT ALL, i was a complete ******* i must admit. btw i have been smoking pot everyday since starting at that time and have been pot free for 2 months now and NEVER look to go back for numorous reasons. about 3 years ago i picked up a few terrible habits, i gambled away every penny i had in the bank in about a years time..I not only did that but got myself into CC debt as well about $10,000 worth of it!!! this pretty much destroyed me as a person and all i worried about the year and a half after that was getting myself out of debt and wanted to save the money i blew all over again, so i went back to the dead end job i quite a long time ago to do that..This all changed the person i was completely!! not that our relationship was perfect to begin with but we always had love for each other and always felt we were the perfect match, we just have this connection me and her, its hard to explain!!!! I became such a negative thinker, always looking at things in a negative way, always bad mouthing everyone, i was pretty miserable and honestly did not care about ANYONE or ANYTHING (has to be the worst mistake i ahve made in my life yet)..so to make a long story short i SLOWLY got myself out of debt and quite all my bad habbits, but didnt stop the pot until 2 months ago...back in march we had a big talk about wheather we should be together or not bc we felt we werent making any progress in our lives and it was just passing us by..so we decided to take a break to get focused and strive for individual sucess..but to be perfectly honest all we started doing was contacting each other less..we still hung out alot, it was totally wierd bc it was like we were together but "we werent together"...and i was going thru alot myself i was lost didnt know what i wanted to do in life was always depressed bc of my past and my dead end job and 2 months ago i started really thinking about my life and what i truly wanted in it..i have a big talk with this girl about how i trated her for so long and what i did to our relationship and what ive done to my life and what im doing to better it..i quite smoking immediately...boom it was like the wake up call of my life a week after this big talk i realize how much i really love her and how i really treated her for so long and kinda shocked how she even stayed with me for so long..so i decide to go get a promise ring and want to give it to her and get back into the relationship to prove to her how much i love her and show her past my past and past my previous actions how much i want to be with her and make it all up..she went to florida to visit family the first week in may and decide when she comes back i want to take her out to dinner and give this ring to her and start a whole new life from scratch..i call her the day after she gets back and she totally blows me off saying she had plans that weekend she'll see if we could do it next week..which in 7 years has never done that, she walys made time for me, especially just to grab something to eat quick..i then start thinking the worst, she found someone else, shes not interested anymore, what did i do? bla bla bla so me like an insecure imatture ******* calls her the next morning and she doesnt answer so i say hey i got her voicemaill password that i new forvever lemme see if theres anything there...and thats when i find out theres some guy on there asking what time to pick her up for this thing..and it crusheddddd me..i show up at her place right after work and im talking with her..she says this relationship isn't something she wants right now, shes confused about life and this, she wants to be free, she feels debribed of certain things she never got a chance to do..im sure you guys get the point...all the times we broke up she NEVER rejected me back like this, none of use have ever done it to each other..im just thinkin wow after she made me wake up and smell the coffee and put so much thought into this she found someone new and doesnt want me anymore...i felt so much guilt it was killing me inside..to make a long story short i ****ed up big time, after me begging and begging she didnt even want to speak to me anymore, i stayed in front of her house in my car practically all weekend waiting for her to come home so i could speak to her bc she wasnt answering phone calls nor texts and 2 of those night she didnt even come home until 8-9AM!! after all that she calls the cops and gets a harrasment order against me and threatens that if i show up call or text she will have me arrested..so i back off for a couple of days and decide to text her and ask to at least end on good terms..she gives me that chance and i take her to dinner..after that night i see in her eyes and actions she still cares about me...we slept over each others houses for 2 weeks after that!!!!!!!!!!!! i finally come to my senses and realize how bad i acted and the last night we were supposed to hang out she was over her best friends house and was gonn take a cab..i was waiting around to hang with her so i offered to pick her up, she said no bc she cant tell her friend monika that she is gonna hang with me..i found it wierd how she didnt want to tell her friend she was hanging with me again..but i guess after the cop thing and how i acted she was embarressed..so i coudltn take it anymore bc it was like a tease as much as i was happy holding her and cuddling she would push me away everytime i wwent to kiss her..btw we had sex about 2 times a day for weeks!! so i coudlnt take it anymore and wanted to see how she felt..she says she still feels the same that nothign will change the way she feels, she thinks theres a good chance that we'll end up back together in the future just give it time bla bla bla..so i walk out and my mind starts going crazy again..so like an ******* again i ask to speak to her again..she lets me in and i break down...this hurt me so much i cant even tell you guys..everything about her is everything i look for her personality EVERYTHING..so after she starts getting annoyed at me bc im crying at her apparment begging for a chance to show her how much i love her...i get home and i wanna find out wtf is going threw her head..i crack her e-mail pw her facebook pw and i find out EVERYTHINGGGGG shes been talking to some cop dude that her bestfriend has introduced her to since march!! i seen convos and texts she sent to her friend omg it was like they were talking everyday...she is 24 and wants to become a nurse and is currently in the process for finding a school to attend tto accomplish that..me i work a dead end job and have been pretty broke for the longest due to my whole problem a few years back...this cop guy she is speaking to is 36!!!!!!!!!!! i read from the emails it sounds she is very hesitant and her best friend this other bitch!! keeps kinda pushing her into the way of this guy..this guy is asking her to play naked twister asking her to take her AC so they can gamble and get a room bla bla bla he wants to get in her pants ASAP but then on the other hand sounds like he wants to settle down with someone..i seen his pictures hes pretty good looking i guess but is kinda balding a little..ewww what is she thinking!!! i also read an e-mail she sent to her sister saying how she so confused she doesnt know what she wants she is lost..she says she wants to end up back with me but realizes this whole thing is a gamble and so on..so me reading all this is going nuts thinkin the worst case senario i start calling her 1000 times a day texting 1000 times....then she would ignore me and i would go to her house to try and talk..she would ignore me then again and threaten to call the police again...i start even texting this guy which is a sergant!! about leaving her alone bla bla bla..i even send her friend a email asking to watch over her in the future make sure she'll be ok and i include ina very logn email to her that we had been hanging out for 2 weeks every night..boom i set off the bomb my ex goes nutss she screaming at me on the phone calling me... "what the **** did u do? you turned my best friend against me? she all broken down and crying and breaks her phone..i know bc she called me from a payfone telling me she broke it and telling me to NEVER call her again that she never wants to see me again...i show up at her place and she is walking around and i spot her..i get out to talk to her and try convincing her to go home bc she doesnt live in the safest neighborhood..(3 blocks away from pjs) she startes smacking me scratching my neck, my arms..she really hurt me inside when she did all of this...im saying in my head wtf i only mentioned to your friend we were hanging..somethings gotta be up theres something more i dont see...after calling and texting and showing up at her place a few more days after this day she finally calls the cops and gets an order of protection against me!!! the day before she did that i texted this guy a few nasty things about her that only i know and things that should never have been said..it was pure dirt..i guess i was trying to get this dude out of the picture...i come to realize that she probably has feelings for this guy and seeing he has his career establsihed it interests her more and she thinks by getting back with me now it will ruin it...she kept telling me if its meant to be its meant to be...i know i was dead wrong in sooooooooooooo many ways but i just couldnt get a grip..i kept thinking about her with this guy and that destroyed me....over the past month i think about her everyday every second!!!!!!!! i lost 20 lbs no exaggeration!! i have no appetite what so ever..cant find enough things to do to keep me busy..im going crazyyy..im so depressed its not even funny...just all those stupid things i did were out of anger and i realize how ****ed up they were right after i did them...i was on an emotional rollercoaster...now i have to go to court july 23 for this order of protection thing and since ive been served with it i havent called nor texted no email no ANYTHING...i have drive by her place a few times but that about it!!!! i have no other choice or i will be arrested...i know she is confused and i know i probably pushed her even further away from my due to my actions..i just dont know what to do!! i want her back so baddddd i was so happy when we were hanging those 2 weeks and i can see she was too...she says i ruined alot and this and that but how could i ever look at her the same...after she is getting pounded by this 36 y/o man!!! wtf?? i cry everynight and wake up restless every morning..i cant take this anymore and i cant lose anymore weight..i dont want to do anything bc of this and its dragged me down...the other day i went to school and re applied and hopefully they reaccept me so i can start in fall again...someone please help..i left out a lot bc if i told every detail of our past relation i'd be here for hours writing a bible...someone some kind of adivce pleaseee!!!..

[nittanylion]

I am Sorry you are going through this but hang in there. You need to cool thing down a bit, and never contact her again. Pretend she is not in your life anymore. I think she has no feeling for you and her feeling checkout a long time ago prior to the break up. If you keep pushing her, you will have zero chance to get back with her. Go live your life and get back your self esteem. Dont worry about her, just worry about yourself and take care of yourself.

[westernxer]

i left out a lot bc if i told every detail of our past relation i'd be here for hours writing a bible...

 

You wrote a bible alright, one without any verses.

[jqb05443]

wow...well firstly i have to say that at least you are starting to gain a little control back by not calling, texting and emailing her. I was with someone for almost 10 years. he broke up with me because we were each other's first everything and he wanted to see what else was out there. i did so much for that guy and when he told me that...i went nuts. i remember one night he wasnt taking my calls and i showed up at his house..when i pulled up i saw his car there. i went up to his room and found him in there with the lights off, peeking through the curtains trying to hide from me to see if i had left. i turned the lights on and busted him..ps ten minutes later two girls came and picked him up. i was sooo hurt i couldn't believe him. just like you, we had our fair share of craziness that happened. we got back together after that but in the end we broke up and i never thought i would be sitting here saying this but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. granted at the time i couldn't sleep, eat, think, i wanted to kill myself..but now looking back I laugh and i think to myself what the hell was that all about? He did eventually contact me three months later and was crying and wanted to get back together with me but at that point i had already met my current ex..whom i am more devasted over this break up than i was with that guy. i was with my current ex for 3.5 years and this hurts more than the 10 year relationship break up. Everyone tells me the same line if its meant to be you will be back together. i hate that saying sooo much.

 

but you have to try and pull it together. i lost all hope of getting my ex back when i sent him 6 text messages yesterday. he basically told me he was done and didnt even want to be friends with me anymore. he broke up with me 2 months ago and it feels like it just happened yesterday. you have to try your hardest to keep it together. i don't know what the restrictions of an order of protection but for you own future you have to get it together. try to be strong i know its easier said than done. i am mess myself. i want to call him and go see him...but i don't want to continue getting rejected and looking like a fool.

[xpaperxcutx]

Leave her alone. You're stalking her and intruding on her privacy, and had she known you were cracking her passwords, she would've blown up in your face.

 

Get yourself together, after the stunts you've carried out, there's no way she'll want to get back with you. It's the truth, read it, memorize it, and accept it.

 

You're a mess and you took her for granted. You can't control how she feels about you, and neither should you attempt to try to win her back.

 

Put her in the past and get your life together.

[lostinthesauce]

yea i know..its just so hard to try and even accept that..to be perfectly honest, thats the only thing that has me slightly stronger is me telling myself that we will be back together one day...its almost giving me hope and something to look forward to..is that right to do? i read all her e-mails and she has told her sister that she hopes to end up with me again but i just don't understand exactly how she feels..no matter how much she tells me and everything i read i just can't get it...day by day i feel slightly better but sometimes i have to grind my teeth not to send a text..i know things are beyond repair right now bc all of her friends and family knowing the whole deal, plus with mines as well i mean even if she wanted to take me back i doubt i could even bring her by my house without causing chaos..im just so confused and lost...btw i thank you very much for reading my story and am very thankful for the replies..i just hope the last guy who replied isn't right, i hope she comes back home when she is ready

[alphamale]

dude, i don't know what to say

[boogieboy]

Yeah dood, the more you try to contact her, the more you will push her away. For her to come back looking for you, you have to dissappear. But when girls lose their love for you, it usually doesnt come back, so dont hold out hope, just to be dissappointed again months later.

 

All these thoughts and feelings you have will eventually slow down and go away, but it will take a while and you have to want to stop thinking About her.

 

Problem is you and her have been together since high school, and kids at your age are supposed to try out different personalities. Not supposed to be committing at that age anyways. You treating her badly at different times contributed to this and you reap what you sow.

 

This is the time you have to reflect on how you treated her, and make sure you dont do this to the next girl. The only thing that will make this go away is time. But from what you make it sound like, you have alot to learn about how to treat a girl.

 

Of course I just skimmed though the block of letter you typed, my eyes wont let me read it all the way though.

[lostinthesauce]

does anyone honestly think she will come back to me after she figures out what she wants and where she sees herself in life? i am grinding my teeth not to text her bc i know i will either get arrested and/or drive her away even more..please i need some feedback/advice!!!! thank you!