Ex has made an offer of reconciliation

[dave200]

First off here's a little background. My ex girlfriend that I was with for 4 years broke up with me in January of 2007. She had 2 deaths in her family then she went on a drinking binge & drugs just shortly after we broke up.

 

At that time she broke up with me she made it clear in no uncertain terms that it was over. She told me to move on with my life & that she'll never go back out with me again.

 

Keep in mind the 4 years we were together were an on & off again relationship. She broke up with me 5 times.

 

When she broke it off in 2007 she was not receptive to any idea of reconciliation at all. She said she would be my friend but that's it. I kept being available through LC for a good 17 months.

 

By May of 2008 I decided enough was enough & I disappeared & went NC for 6 months. I had found a new girlfriend long distance.

 

Then by November of 2008 she called me & I broke NC. She made an offer of reconciliation at that time but I told her I was already in a new relationship.

 

So back to NC until about May of this year. I'm not with the new girlfriend anymore. I broke it off with her last month because I just wasn't serious enough about her to make the LDR work.

 

So my ex girlfriend from the 4 year relationship made a 2nd offer of reconciliation & then a 3rd offer again last night on messenger.

 

I told her that I need to take some time to think about it because there's just so many factors to consider. I miss what we had during those 4 years together but I'm not sure if it's worth taking the risk of going for broke by going back.

 

Repeatedly she has told me that if she had to do it over again she never would have ended the relationship with me 2 years ago. She says she's still in love with me and that she was having a nervous breakdown at the time she broke it off because of all the tragedies in her family. She keeps saying that she regrets ending the relationship. Even her mom wants to ask me out on a date (I think she's joking about that).

 

So I have a lot to think about. I don't know what I'm going to do. On the one hand I don't want to just rush into a decision to turn her down because I'll likely spend the rest of my life wondering if we would have had a good life together had I taken her up on her offer to give it one last try.

 

I've been in an emotional limbo state for the last 2 years. I've never been able to give any new girl a fair chance at a committed relationship & I think it's because I still feel like there's unfinished business with my ex.

 

At the rate I'm going I think I will never be able to give any new women a chance unless I try it once more with my ex & take care of whatever business needs to be finished between us.

 

The thing is I need to make sure I'm ok with all possible outcomes if & when I choose to go back. We may break up again in a year and it will be permanent or we may break up several more times before it leads to a permanent breakup. The latter seems to be the pattern from our old relationship.

 

I think she and I get along much better as friends & I've thought of just keeping her in the friend-zone. I'm not even sure if I'm still in love with her or if I've just learned to suppress my feelings for her all this time. Maybe if she dated someone new that would bring my true feelings for her to the surface.

 

I already told her upfront last night that I don't want to ever get married & that money is too tight for me to be going out on any dates.

 

I think I was just trying to give her an excuse to move on & find someone new so that I wouldn't be stuck with making such a difficult decision to go back to her or not.

 

I suspect her family influenced her to break up with me because I didn't marry her after 4 years. That's why I mentioned the subject of marriage. I'm 28 & she's 31. I told her that there's plenty of men out there who are ready to get married & start a family but I'm not ready.

 

Well telling her about my money situation didn't motivate her to move on. I even asked her "don't you think it would be better for you to move on, start over & find someone new & just look back at our relationship as a wonderful historical event in your life?"

 

Then her response was "I would rather be with someone that I know better than I know myself & someone that I'm still in love with than to start over with someone else that could turn out to be a jerk."

 

Does she really love me or is she just comfortable with me & that's why she wants to go back to me? That's my concern. I don't even want to think about trying again if she's just trying to take an easier road for herself by going back to someone she's familiar with.

[boogieboy]

Id be wary of this. She is completely unstable mentaly. There is a condition for what she is but I dont know it offhand. She broke it off with you 5 times, went into a depression spiral, couldnt get her stuff together, and now she wants to go back where its comfortable? I think she was dating someone and you are now the rebound. I think she already started off with someone new and he was a jerk and she paid for it with her heart. But you wont be getting her heart, she just doesnt want to be alone.

 

You could try it out, but I'd be on guard, dont put your heart into this yet. She is an emotional mess and she'll take you down with her.

 

She actually sounds like one of those women who is an emotional black hole. She uses you for what fills her up for now and then jumps ship when it doesnt work for her anymore. Be careful now that you are more clear headed.

[dave200]

Id be wary of this. She is completely unstable mentaly. There is a condition for what she is but I dont know it offhand. She broke it off with you 5 times, went into a depression spiral, couldnt get her stuff together, and now she wants to go back where its comfortable? I think she was dating someone and you are now the rebound. I think she already started off with someone new and he was a jerk and she paid for it with her heart. But you wont be getting her heart, she just doesnt want to be alone.

 

You could try it out, but I'd be on guard, dont put your heart into this yet. She is an emotional mess and she'll take you down with her.

 

She actually sounds like one of those women who is an emotional black hole. She uses you for what fills her up for now and then jumps ship when it doesnt work for her anymore. Be careful now that you are more clear headed.

 

 

Thanks for the warning. I think I need someone to talk me out of going back to her because the offer is really tempting like hidden poison in a good looking ice cream dish.

 

So I'm glad I have outside observers who can look at this from different angles that I'm not seeing.

 

While I'm talking to her she sounds so convincing & sincere so it's difficult to resist. Maybe somebody needs to talk me into going NC with her forever.

 

If she really has been manipulating me all those years as you suspect then that one element could help me get over her faster. It's harder to get over an ex if all you think about is their good qualities.

[boogieboy]

Thanks for the warning. I think I need someone to talk me out of going back to her because the offer is really tempting like hidden poison in a good looking ice cream dish.

 

So I'm glad I have outside observers who can look at this from different angles that I'm not seeing.

 

While I'm talking to her she sounds so convincing & sincere so it's difficult to resist. Maybe somebody needs to talk me into going NC with her forever.

 

If she really has been manipulating me all those years as you suspect then that one element could help me get over her faster. It's harder to get over an ex if all you think about is their good qualities.

 

Yeah but put it this way....

 

You know what to look out for now. Her bad qualities will be SOO obvious now. Now that you know she might be just sweet talking you, you can see though the BS when she talks and THAT will turn you off to her. You watch her behavior compared to what she says. If you dont think you can still be objective while youre with her and keep your heart out of it until you think you can trust her, then go back to NC.

 

Theres alot of people here that can weigh in on this, so hold on for some more responses and other ideas.

[Surfer Dude]

You should forget all mentally unstable girlfriends, drama queens, hos and freaks and instead just focus on spending time with respectful women who like you and you like spending time with them.

 

If you need to actually think this much, it means you're experiencing dissonance and a part of you knows it's bad for you. Dude, go meet other girls.

[mark982]

this ladies screwed with your head way too much.i can see breaking up after all the deaths in her family,but what about ALL the x's before that.this ladies just not to stable,just using you as a emotional crutch.