asuman Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 We only went out for 2 months, and it was a nice dating situation from my view but she just today told me she didn't think it was going to work for us long term. I had kind of started to fall for her, so I'm bummed out. Not devastated or crushed, but bummed. Our conversation ended with her suggesting we could still hang out if I wanted, and my saying I probably won't talk to her for a while because I had started to develop feelings for her, but maybe in the future. I do feel really good about how I handled the break-up conversation, so all she sees in me is a decent guy who didn't freak out, didn't get mad, didn't start blubbering on the phone and didn't even ask WHY things weren't going to work out. I left with some dignity. So the dilemna is: what to do about our Facebook connection? She can see all my pics, status updates, postings, etc., and vice versa. I don't want that connection there because I want complete NC with her. But I don't want to seem petty, or more upset over things than I actually am. Any thoughts or suggestions?
motive2002 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 You left with dignity GOOD FOR YOU!!!! YOu deserve an atta-boy for that. I wish I could have said the same over my recent break-up. I'd say go ahead and delete her from your facebook, and set your profile to private. You don't see her and she doesn't see you.
hrtbrk hotel tenant Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 yeah i would go ahead and delete her if you think u cant move forward yet if u are like whatever then nah u can still occasionally keep in contact
jqb05443 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 i was with my ex for 3.5 years and the day he dumped me i deleted his profile. I haven't handled our break up with any dignity at all. I have completely lost it and looked like the psycho ex but at least I can say since the break up 2 months ago, i have not even looked at his page
runner Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 i was with my ex for 3.5 years and the day he dumped me i deleted his profile. I haven't handled our break up with any dignity at all. I have completely lost it and looked like the psycho ex but at least I can say since the break up 2 months ago, i have not even looked at his page if your feelings are so strong that you can't move on, then you might want to sever that facebook link - if it (facebook) really is that important to you or, if you'd like to keep her casual acquaintance, or even eventually become close friends in the future, there shouldn't be a problem keeping her on there. decide for yourself what it is you honestly want for yourself, and stick to it.
runner Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 wrong quote. i actually meant to quote the OP - oops.
Author asuman Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 I'll have to think about it. It's still too soon after this happened for me to make a good decision. I can't stand the thought of not knowing why it's not going to work out. This is a bummer. I wish I hadn't fallen for her.
Author asuman Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 i was with my ex for 3.5 years and the day he dumped me i deleted his profile. I haven't handled our break up with any dignity at all. I have completely lost it and looked like the psycho ex but at least I can say since the break up 2 months ago, i have not even looked at his page Don't be so hard on yourself. Breaking up after 2 months is a lot different than breaking up after 3.5 years. I was not even in a real relationship with her and I definitely did not "love" her. I just had a huge crush on her.
motive2002 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 If you think you can ignore looking at her facebook for a while, you can leave her on there just to "save face". I dunno, it's up to you what you can handle. i can understand that you don't want deleting her to make some kind of negative impression on her, but it's not about her right now. It's about you and what you can deal with.
wow123 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 If you can handle seeing her pictures and writings on her wall then NO don't delete her.
nomoregummybears Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Yeah, it just all depends on if you'll be looking to maintain a friendship in the future. If you do, it would be awkward having to explain why you deleted her sometime down the road. If this is it, her opinions about your social networking habits don't really matter anymore. Your call, dude. Just make sure it's what you want.
Author asuman Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 I don't friggin know. She did give me the "Let's hang out together anyway" offer, which pissed me off just to hear but I kept that to myself. What the hell is wrong with chicks that they think a guy will want to be friends 2 seconds after you just told her, "I want you and have feelings for you." Why should we be friends anyway? What's the point of that? I have tons of friends. I don't need more, much less one who I'm going to be slobbering over every time I see her.
Cloudberry Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 She's the one who seemed oddly distant and was sending you mixed signals, do I remember correctly? You wondered if she was playing hard to get, or what. Apparently she wasn't playing hard to get.
Author asuman Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 Yep, you remember correctly. Well, I have my opinions and speculation about what happened but it's really irrelevant. She made the same decision on me as she has for every single guy she's ever dated, and she's just plain wrong to do it. (Not one relationship has lasted more than 3 months, remember. I apparently broke her record). We had a nice thing going. But that's neither here nor there. I'm moving on with the objective of finding someone new and making her feel a pang of regret some day.
CaliGuy Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 What's the point of remaining friends? So you can see the new guys she is dating in her life? Leaving her on facebook as a friend to me at least says "I'm still waiting around for you..." Personally I'd delete her. But that's just me.
whichwayisup Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Delete her. Cali is right, what's the point of being buddy's on facebook? So she can check up on you, to see what's up in your life? Or for you to do the same to her? Just delete.
Author asuman Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 Frankly, the point of not deleting her is to leave the door open. It's that simple.
Author asuman Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 I should also point out two things, which have led me (so far) to think I will not delete her: 1. Her profile is public. If I ever want to keep tabs on what's going on with her, deleting her will not stop me from doing so. 2. If I want to keep her from keeping tabs on me at any point, I can simply put her on limited profile. Deleting her is simply a useless step. It doesn't accomplish anything positive as far as my image in her eyes is concerned. That's how I feel right now anyway. Maybe I'll change my mind as time goes on. I'm not all that emotionally screwed up over this dumping. I'm mainly just bummed, and thoroughly confused. Her friend (who set us up) thinks that I simply got too close to her and it freaked her out, so this was her way of gaining complete control over the situation. Stupid, stupid girl.
fairycake Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 What the hell is wrong with chicks that they think a guy will want to be friends 2 seconds after you just told her, "I want you and have feelings for you." That's exactly what I thought when my bf played the 'I still want to be friends, have you in my life' card. I did try it for a few weeks straight after the split as I still wanted him and even if not in the context of a relationship I wanted to salvage something. He was my only proper relationship and I found it hard to let go. He didn't even make an effort to be my friend though so we've ended up with no contact at all. I reckon people say 'let's be friends' to cushion the blow to you and themselves so they feel they can still have you available if they change their mind.
Author asuman Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 I reckon people say 'let's be friends' to cushion the blow to you and themselves so they feel they can still have you available if they change their mind. Exactly. So why give them that pleasure? I have enough friends in my life. I spent time and energy on dating her because I was romantically interested in her, so if she wants me, that's the only way she'll have me. Not interested in compromise.
adamt Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 I reckon people say 'let's be friends' to cushion the blow to you and themselves so they feel they can still have you available if they change their mind. it makes the dumper feel less guilty if they say they want to remain friends. Because by the time you are dumped there is no chemistry or attraction from the dumpers side. so they dump you but they have you on the same level but without being in a relationship so to them nothing has changed in where they see the dumpee
CaliGuy Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Frankly, the point of not deleting her is to leave the door open. It's that simple. She'll know the door is left open -- and most likely won't be motivated to take it. In most cases, leaving the door open for reconciliation is a sure-fire way to ruin one. If it's always there, waiting for her, odds are she won't want it. Food for thought.
Author asuman Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 She'll know the door is left open -- and most likely won't be motivated to take it. In most cases, leaving the door open for reconciliation is a sure-fire way to ruin one. If it's always there, waiting for her, odds are she won't want it. Food for thought. Hm. That is food for thought.
Author asuman Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 I mean, it's not like she doesn't have my email address and cellphone number.
DarkestDreams Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Delete. No point in leaving the door open. If she wants you back, she can try using the windows.
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