aeval Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I have a serious issue. I am currently in a wonderful relationship with my bf of 7months but I cant stop checking out his xwifes myspace and facebook. I cant help it, I hate that I do it. Him and her split up mutually, they got married too young and just grew apart. He doesnt still talk to her or anything either. I was cheated on by my last serious bf with his xgf when he "was too drunk too remember" hooking up with her so I think I just grew crazy from there. Its not that I think this xwife is better looking or anything, shes actually kinda gross, but i cant shake the thoughts about him thinking about when they were together and so on.I mean at one point he looked at that girl and was like "i want to spend the rest of my life with you" Shes in a relationship now, but shes still in the same town. Ive never met her, but ill see that she friend requests some of my bfs friends online:sick: sometimes which i find really annoying. How do I get over this and stop lookin at this girls life online. I want to feel sane again:(
missdependant Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I have a serious issue. I am currently in a wonderful relationship with my bf of 7months but I cant stop checking out his xwifes myspace and facebook. I cant help it, I hate that I do it. Him and her split up mutually, they got married too young and just grew apart. He doesnt still talk to her or anything either. I was cheated on by my last serious bf with his xgf when he "was too drunk too remember" hooking up with her so I think I just grew crazy from there. Its not that I think this xwife is better looking or anything, shes actually kinda gross, but i cant shake the thoughts about him thinking about when they were together and so on.I mean at one point he looked at that girl and was like "i want to spend the rest of my life with you" Shes in a relationship now, but shes still in the same town. Ive never met her, but ill see that she friend requests some of my bfs friends online:sick: sometimes which i find really annoying. How do I get over this and stop lookin at this girls life online. I want to feel sane again:( First of all you need to LEAVE ALL OF THE PROBLEMS FROM YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS BEHIND. Second of all, how long have they been divorced and how long were they married? Does your boyfriend know that you are doing these crazy things? Third of all, this is very controlling, crazy behavior. I'm glad you have acknowledged this. You might need some serious counseling. Her current life is her business, and has NOTHING to do with you. Leave the poor woman alone. Your behavior could very easily spin out of control.
mammax3 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 That is a serious issue, because it will be difficult for you two to grow as a couple if you're still stuck on who he was in the past. I think it's normal to be curious and interested (to some degree) about who our SO's have chosen in the past, but there should be a natural end to that curiousity. Is it that you're feeling like he'd go back to her? Is that why you mention how you've been hurt in the past?
Author aeval Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 they were together out of high school...married about 2years together in total about 4. they have been seperated for over a year. She moved out of their house a little before that. I dont want to look at her profile...its almost as Im curious to see what she has that he wanted to marry her. Its retarded and I hate it. Ive thought about talkin to a counselor already, but what do I say when he asks me why i am seeking therapy??! He does not know anything about me lookin at her profile. I am overly competitive with EVERYTHING...so I am constantly comparing myself and wanting to be #1 everything...its exhausting:(
dreamergrl Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I've been in the pattern in my life where my past reflects on my currant behavior. It's not healthy. I'll have been played or cheated on, and it makes me need reassurance, and drives me to be looking at his other relationships. You have to make yourself stop how you are handling, face the issue head on, and move past the past.
Author aeval Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 That is a serious issue, because it will be difficult for you two to grow as a couple if you're still stuck on who he was in the past. I think it's normal to be curious and interested (to some degree) about who our SO's have chosen in the past, but there should be a natural end to that curiousity. Is it that you're feeling like he'd go back to her? Is that why you mention how you've been hurt in the past? maybe...he has already said there is no way he would ever go back to her. He lost attraction to her along time ago, which is another reason things fell apart. How do I get my curiosity to end??!! I deleted my myspace page so I wouldnt be on it, but I can still go on and look at her profile cuz she doesnt have it set private.
dreamergrl Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 they were together out of high school...married about 2years together in total about 4. they have been seperated for over a year. She moved out of their house a little before that. I dont want to look at her profile...its almost as Im curious to see what she has that he wanted to marry her. Its retarded and I hate it. Ive thought about talkin to a counselor already, but what do I say when he asks me why i am seeking therapy??! He does not know anything about me lookin at her profile. I am overly competitive with EVERYTHING...so I am constantly comparing myself and wanting to be #1 everything...its exhausting:( The truth. Be honest. Relationships can't grow without honesty. Explain why you're feeling the way you do, and what you plan on doing about it. If he's the right one for you, he'll accept it is for what it is, and respect that you are trying to over come it.
Author aeval Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 I've been in the pattern in my life where my past reflects on my currant behavior. It's not healthy. I'll have been played or cheated on, and it makes me need reassurance, and drives me to be looking at his other relationships. You have to make yourself stop how you are handling, face the issue head on, and move past the past. I was not like this til I got cheated on. I was only cheated on once and it was the only person I really ever loved. It was devastating. I dont want to have to ever go thru that again.
Author aeval Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 The truth. Be honest. Relationships can't grow without honesty. Explain why you're feeling the way you do, and what you plan on doing about it. If he's the right one for you, he'll accept it is for what it is, and respect that you are trying to over come it. He knows I have looked at her profile before, but doesnt know the extent of it. He is very understanding and is the most amazing guy. I am 100% honest with him abt everything. I just dont feel like I am good enough for him...hes perfect. If he was going to parry her, she must have been perfect in his eyes in some sort of way, ya know?
Lizzie60 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Just STOP... simple as that.. Delete everything from her/him/them... whoever.. Stay away from Facebook if you can't control yourself..
Author aeval Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 maybe if I force myself not to look and actually do it cuz i want to stop...maybe I will slowly forget? Problem is shes all around me. Shes still aquaintences with his friends eventho she never made good friends with any of them I still hear the name. I do have a few ounces of confidence in myself...i just need to make them grow.
Author aeval Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 Just STOP... simple as that.. Delete everything from her/him/them... whoever.. Stay away from Facebook if you can't control yourself.. I dont want to delete that profile too...only way to kee us with relatives and old friends. She just joined facebook a few weeks ago so I wont have a problem staying off her myspace I dont think. I just want her to disapear.
blind_otter Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Is their divorce final or are they just separated?
missdependant Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I just want her to disapear. That is very childish. Think about it, that's something a ten year old kid would say. You aren't obligated to tell your boyfriend WHY you're seeking therapy, in fact you don't even have to tell him that you are going to counseling. You can tell him at a later time, when you feel that maybe it's starting to help you. But your behavior needs to stop ASAP. You're being very immature.
dreamergrl Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I don't think OP is looking for help as much is she's looking to vent. She's got excuses of why not to fix this problem. "I just want her to disappear" "She'll stay away from myspace" "I can't tell him why I am in therapy". OP - You, and only you, can fix the situation you are in. I understand getting hurt is a hard thing, but it happens to all of us. You have to take the step in healing from it. You'll only heal when you allow yourself to do just that. It wont happen on it's own.
Author aeval Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 There divorce has been final for almost a year. I just need to stop trying to compare myself to her. He loved her, shes in the past. He loves me and Im his future. I need to stop being so insecure, nothing good will come of it.
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