EmptyPromises Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 so me and my ex are going to try and make it work. we dated for a year and have been broken up for a month and a half. it was basically me doing all the begging back even tho he was the one who messed up. in our realtionship we seemed to fight easily & we both have some trust issues...i would never cheat on him but cant get him to trust me. i have never been a cheater, i barely have any guy friends..im just not like that. it very hard for me to trust him as well...he very flirtatious and we broke up because of flirty texts he was sending to another girl. we just decided to work on things yesterday, he went out and so did i. i told him to call me while he was out and he said for ME to call him. so i did. twice. didnt pick up. he called me at 315 am questioning me about what i had done that night, meanwhile he was the one not picking up his phone. he said he had no service whichis v ery possible but why doesnt he just know to maybe go outside where he has service and check in to make me feel better? how do i get him to understsand that i do have some trust issues and doing that would just make me feel alot better?
wow123 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Based on my experiences without trust there is no relationship, at least not a good happy one. Why is that you don't trust him and he doesn't trust you? You both need to trust eachother for your relationship to stand a chance.
motive2002 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 A friend of mine once said that some people just simply don't give you any peace of mind. I've spent a lot of my heart and soul on a person like that, and after that experience I decided I'm not going to do that anymore. If you want a committed relationship and he wants to send flirty texts to other women, it's pretty clear you aren't walking the same path. Do you send flirty texts to other men? Are you avoiding his calls until 3 in the morning? Your trust issues are something you get to own, but if his behavior is part of what's causing it, then you have to ask yourself if this is the person you really want to give your heart to. I have accused and I've been the accused. The last time I had my own trust issues my gut feeling turned out to be right on the money. And you know what? It was her accusing me of fooling around... and I never did. Yet she fooled around with my best friend.. I'm still reeling from it... but one thing I've learned is you have to TRUST YOURSELF! Don't ignore the gut feeling. You'd be surprised how accurate it can be.
Trialbyfire Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 EmptyPromises, your userid says it all, about this guy. Why would you get back with him?
Author EmptyPromises Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 i put my heart & soul into a a relationship..i am not texting other guys and i am not missing his calls..im trying really hard...i have trust issues because of my last bf..he cheatd on me...and so that makes me not trust this boyfriend even tho there are some reasons of his own that give me reason to not trust him sometimes i would never cheat if im with someone i love them to death and would never be unfaithful...he always questions what im doing.. i never lie.. and he always brings up past guys...for no reason! whats something i can say to him to make him understand that i love him and would never hurt him
motive2002 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 There isn't anything you can say. He will either trust you or he won't. Who is more afraid of being ripped off than a thief? Who is afraid of being cheated on more than a cheater? I hate to speculate, but why can't he trust you unless he is being untrustworthy himself in some way? I dunno that may not be the case. Maybe he has dealt with his own pain of being cheated on. Did you ever ask him why he is so insecure? Did he reveal any part of his past that would make him just automatically not trust any woman he is with? I dunno, I still think the flirty text and the flaky behavior is probably a deal breaker. If he loves you there wouldn't be any other women he's alloting his time to. That's my opinion anyway.
wow123 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Motive made a great point. In my last relationship, and in Brocks (read his posts) our SO's were accusing us of lying/cheating which we were not doing. We came to find out that they were the liars/cheaters. I believe it relieves some of their guilt when they accuse their SO of doing what they are doing. I think they make themselves believe that their SO is doing something wrong and they just feel like they are doing the same thing.
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I believe it relieves some of their guilt when they accuse their SO of doing what they are doing. I think they make themselves believe that their SO is doing something wrong and they just feel like they are doing the same thing. Its worse than that, cheaters accuse their SO of cheating when they want to cover up their actions. If the SO doesnt see it coming, it throws them off.
Author EmptyPromises Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 ive heard that before but now thats making me feel totally insecure in getting back together with him
lilria Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 There is no relationship without trust.. but when trust is violated it is very hard to rebuild, however not impossible..
daileyburgboy Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 My SO did the same thing except she was having dreams and telling me about them and questioning me. It is caused by their guilt. I read this somewhere on line and is actually a very common occurance in relationships.
BCCA Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 You dont look under the bed unless you hide their yourself. This guy calling at 3am to ask what you were doing tells me he was doing something he shouldnt have been. You cant trust him because he's untrustworthy, IMO
nastyapple Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 If you really want to make a go of it with this guy, you've got to trust each other, trust me. It just won't work otherwise. Have you sat down with him and had a heart to heart? Maybe it would be a good idea if you haven't already done so. Tell him you've given him no reason not to trust you, and maybe he'll be open in return and have some reason for it? I don't want to put a darkener on this, but one of my ex's never trusted me even though i never cheated, never had any male friends etc... and he just never trusted me, no matter what I did. I never felt good enough. And I got sick of trying to prove myself. So well, it didn't work out.
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